A
female
age
51-59,
*upersofi
writes:My dilemma is this. I have recently met a guy who is everything I could dream of or want in a man, he is caring, compassionate, level headed, hard working, good looking and intelligent. Although we are ony friends he is extremely supportive of me already and we both help each on an emotional leveo and know that we have each others support in everything we do, we can turn to each other at any time. He has winked at me repeatedly, smiles at me and gives me hugs and we have kissed each other on the cheek. How can I find out where this will lead? How do I find out if I stand a chance with him? I would love to know as he is a really good bloke.To make this more complicated my ex suddenly reappeared in my life after not seeing him for the last 18 months and I find that I care about him like a brother as I have known him for 20 years. I could never see me returning to my ex, as I have done a lot of work on myself recently and would not be willing to accept him back into my life as a partner. I am also unsure of his intentions although I have told him what my intentions are. I am very confused, my ex is back in my life as a friend and we have never succeeded in being just friends before. I am no longer willing to accept less than the best in my relationship. Plus I have a new male friend who is utterly supportive of me in every way but I am unsure as to whether I stand any chance with him.
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female
reader, supersofi +, writes (20 June 2012):
supersofi is verified as being by the original poster of the question If any guys read this, your answers would be much appreciated as I would really like to know from a guys perspective if I stand any chance with this friend. Please don't tell me to ask him cos I would fear that he would run a thousand miles in the opposite direction. If your advice is that I shouls say something, how long do I need to wait before I say it?
A
female
reader, supersofi +, writes (20 June 2012):
supersofi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks AuntyEm, for me to go back to my ex would be definitely a no no. We tried to make a relationship work out between us more than once and that is the reason why it bothers`me that he is back in my life. I really don't want him back, I care about him like a brother but that is it. I could never put myself through a relationship with him again. I really do hope that I stand a chance with my new friend, he is everything that I could wish for in a man. I don't have the courage to tell him because I don't want to lose him, even if I have to content myself with only being his friend. And at the very least I have discovered what I do want in a man.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (20 June 2012):
 Don't be tempted to do what billions of other women have done before you and let your ex stop you from following a relationship with the new guy.
If the ex has come back as a friend (and you only want him as a friend)then I don't see a problem with dating and pursuing with the new chap.
It's a fact that ex's being present do cause problems. Your new guy may see him as a threat so it may be in your interest to tell your ex that you no longer want to keep contact because you don't have time for him (because you are with someone else)
As to whether the new guy will work out...only time will tell, but there is no reason to over complicate things by having an ex breathing down your neck for attention...tell him to step out of your life so you don't have the pressure. You don't owe him anything.
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