A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I've fallen in love with a Japanese Lady I've met on the internet, but I'm having problems with my mum accepting it. Back in 2009 I joined a penpal website, I never had any intention to find a GF or someone I loved and just wanted to learn to speak Japanese. In 2010 I started speaking to the person in question, and after a while started to come to the realisation that I thought I'd developed feelings for her. She is 30 years old, and I am 21 as of now (I'm also from England). I decided to go to Japan to meet her, in the end if you don't make any effort no online relationship will succeed, and I wanted to see if she was the same as the image she portrayed of herself on the internet. I stayed for a total of 1 month at her house (my mother does not know about this.), she was kind and exactly the same as she was on the internet. She has a proper job at a pharmacy which she needed to go to uni to get, she has her own house and car and supports her self in every aspect. She hasn't been married, or had any children or anything like that. In all I would have said me spending time with her just brought us closer, at the same time I'm trying not to be over optimistic. I understand that I need to finish uni degree here first, and that in addition things may not work out when we are living together. But I would like to give the relationship a chance, so if we are still together after uni I have told her I'd be willing to move in with her in Japan to see how things work out. So far in an online sense things seem to be working out quite well, and the amount of time she has sacrificed to speak to me is alot. We speak almost everyday on the computer, and she comes here virtually every night straight after work (Something I doubt someone who was just playing about would do). My mum knew I met her in Japan, but at that time didn't realise how old she was. Ideally I wanted to wait untill after my mother had met her to tell her this, however my sister let it slip by accident. Now that my mother knows her age she doesn't seem supportive at all. She told me that I'm wasting my life, how can I expect to have kids with someone so old, when I'm in Japan and an adult she will be over 30 years old. In addition she told me that it's not what she wants for me. In the first place, I can understand a mothers love for her child, and how she is just trying to protect me. But at the same time, it is my life not hers, I'm 21 years old, it's my own life and I should be deciding what I want, and not her. I think I really like this person, and I want to give this relationship a chance to see if it can go anywhere. How can I convince my mother and try and let her see meeting this woman is one of the best things that has happened to me, and made me so happy. How can I show my mother that me dating her is a good thing? And how can I turn my mother around and get her to agree to us dating?
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female
reader, sweet_lover101 +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Hello there,It sounds as if your mother is just concerned of course. Judging from what you written, it seems like you sensibly found out if she is a financially stable and independent woman (which she is and not some gold digger)and that of course is relieving! And it is not surprising you ended up forming a type of attraction towards her. Perhaps your mother just feels uneasy with the age gap but it's only 9 years!Some people have much bigger age gaps but they still continue to have a successful, healthy and loving relationships - and this of course you could too! Convince your mother that you really like her and not just a 'fling' but something you could be serious about. Then maybe she'll see that she might make you happy, and of course mothers just want their children to be happy and have the best.I agree with one of the post - make your mother meet her! If she's so wonderful then there's nothing wrong introducing a wonderful woman fit to meet a kind mother. Maybe then she'll see you both would be happy together.Hopefully everything works out for you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, -SC- +, writes (18 June 2012):
You can do what ever you like,no one will stop you...that lady is you're deep love ,has you're mum ever met her?! does she have a clue what that lady is like ? talk with you're mum ,tell her that you're happy and you realy do love that lady...a good mum will understand :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 June 2012):
 Mothers and fathers have to get used to all kinds of things they don't agree with with regard to their kids.
I can see your mums point of view, although it's not like you have shacked up with a drug dealer or a mass murderer!!
Your situation is unusual in that your partner is older and lives on the other side of the world. Your mum is probably worried that this girl has talked you into a relationship and is putting pressure on you to be with her...you know this isn't true and you really want to give things a go with her.
Your mum is probably worried that you might move to Japan and she won't see you again!! the age thing is just an excuse.
You cannot live your life to keep your mother happy...if you love this girl then go for it!!
Your mum will get used to it, and it might be a good idea to allow your mum to speak to your girlfriend in time when she has calmed down a bit.
Any parent wants their child to be happy, and you are happy, so your mum should be happy too.
Keep her in the loop but make it clear to her that you are an adult and capable of making your own life choices, ask your mum to be patient and to be there for you should things go wrong...
Thats what mums are for.
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