A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was just wondering what I can do in this situation I met this man 16 months ago who wasn't really my type but I thought I would give it a go I said yes to a date he came round mine just for a drink as we lived very close we didn't sleep together nothing like that we saw each other every day for a week he made plans for us to go places which didn't happen he would never be seen out in public with me it went to seeing him once a week then once a month then every 6 weeks I fell totally in love with him which I never told him now he comes round we have sex once every six weeks with no contact in between I asked him a few months ago what was going on he said he wasn't ready for a relationship now everytime he goes I know its going to be weeks before I see him again my heart breaks how do I deal with this and what would you do in this situation sorry this is long thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): FWB is not a great thing unless you are also interested in the same thing. I guess he is just looking for s**. Honeypie's advice is great.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Why are you having sex with someone who treats you this way? He's just coming around for sex! He doesn't want anything to do with you...he just wants to screw you. Now I am sorry to put it that way, but it is the truth and it is screaming for you to see it. You have gotten a lot of excellent advice here from people who care...it's up to you to believe them or not. Don't have sex with a guy until you know the relationship is the real deal!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 I am not ready for a relationship " is the oldest and lamest B.S. ever... it just means " I don't like you that much, only enough to have sex with you once in a blue moon " , or , if you wish " I am not ready for a relationship, but when I will be, it won't be with you ".
You got stuck into an FWB type of thing , which of course it would not be the hand of the world if you too only wanted sex and di not have developped any feelings for him.
But, since alas , this is not the case, the only sensible thing would be to stop seeing him altogether NOW. If you let it go on, you are cruising for an emotional bruising.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Also, are you sure he's single? If he didn't want to be seen in public with you it might mean that he already has a girlfriend that you don't know about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): What would i do? I'd see sense and drop him. He's a user and a waste of space and you will NEVER be his girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 June 2012):
 What would I do??
I'd realise he was using me and dump him out of my life.
You aren't in love with him...you are dependant on him...he knows it and it gives him a 'no strings sex' red carpet to your door.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2012):
 This guy has a "dream" situation. He has YOU on the hook for s*x.... he's got you hoodwinked in to believing that he's "available", but "not ready for a relationship".... when, in fact, he has a whole 'nuther life..... likely with a wife and, maybe, kids......
Do you REALLY want to continue to be his "something on the side?" Your plaint tells us "no."
So.... put on your big girl panties, take a deep breath and - next time he contacts you - tell him you don't want to see him - again, EVER - and get on with your life...
Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): From day one, letting him come to yours,you were giving out the wrong message. You should have dated. As soon as you knew he wasn't going to take you out,show you off publicly, you should have bailed.Now you are his secret, his 'knock off', because you settled for that. There will be no promotion to girlfriend because he does not want a relationship. If he did you would be in one with him.He told you he did not want one.The way to a mans heart is not to tempt him with sex,you have to show you respect yourself,that you want to be in a relationship. Many girls have made the same mistake and ended up very hurt and alone.You need to break the pattern, stop seeing him, its the only way you will get this man out of your system so you can move on to a healthy relationship with a good man.If its only every 6 weeks he 'pops' round its not so hard to finish it is it?Next man who asks you out, GO OUT,don't stop in or meet at yours, do not let him KNOW where you live for a loooong time, let him date you,get to know him,WAIT for sex till you are sure about him and his intentions.If he says he doesn't want a relationship,listen and walk away
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 June 2012):
 Because you keep putting out he keeps coming around.
If a guy says up front that he isn't ready for a relationship, he is usually telling you the truth, but it also means that he doesn't mean he isn't ready for sex. So when you have sex with him, he will most likely assume that you are "just fine" with just getting sex and not much else.
My advice either stop having sex with this guy, end it (the whole F-buddy thing you two got going) and find someone who WANTS a relationship. Don't have sex so fast with a guy. GET to know him, GET to know what he wants. See if you are on the same page before adding sex to the mix.
From what I have seen MANY times already here on DC is that girls/women have sex IN HOPES of making the guy see that she will make an excellent GF, she will enter a F-buddy or FWB thing in HOPES that it will turn out to be more then JUST sex. Because most women don't WANT just sex. They end up with a broken heart instead, because they put in emotions in the sex and the whole event. Many GUYS have no problem compartmentalizing the SEX as something aside fro ma relationship. As JUST sex. Women tend to be not quite as good at this. This is why I ALWAYS advice girls/women to TAKE the time to get to know a guy before having sex. Not to come of as having some sort of moral high ground or that sex is "bad", but for the people to actually KNOW each other before sex, maybe even WANT to same thing.
Sorry you can wait til the cows come home for this guy to want a relationship, even then... I don't think he wants one with you. Or he would have put in WAY more effort in seeing you outside of your bedroom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): Sweetie, your his FWB and as far as he is concerned that is all you will ever be. He is probably out dating other girls, and when he needs the itch scratched he comes over to have sex with you because you will let him. Honestly he is not going to suddenly want a relationship with you and be a boyfriend, he will get into a relationship when he finds a girl he wants one with but it won't be you. I know this hurts you and I am sorry, but I have been in your situation, and I told him to go and never contact me again. He did try for a while but I kept to my word, and hung up on him when he called and would not respond to him. He got the message and as soon as he found the girl he wanted a relationship with, he started one and all his excuses for not being ready for a relationship no longer mattered. For your own sake let go of him, no matter how much it hurts because you deserve so much better. I promise you the pain you feel from walking away is a lot less than one you will feel when he finds a girl he wants to be a boyfriend to and he drops you. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, it is not intended that way, I wish someone had told me this and saved me from learning the hard way myself. Good Luck
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