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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I know my man is going to meet this woman tomorrow. I am going to confront them
Q. The man I have loved for the past 10 years is once again cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover last year , funny enough about the same time of year. Since he has promised not to see her or meet her. Last weekend I picked up his an...
A. 6 February 2013: It's been almost a year since you first wrote here of your troubles. You seemed to take on board what advice people had given you and seemed determined to move on from this man. He has obviously kept in touch with you and this has given you some ... (read in full...)
I know my man is going to meet this woman tomorrow. I am going to confront them
Q. The man I have loved for the past 10 years is once again cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover last year , funny enough about the same time of year. Since he has promised not to see her or meet her. Last weekend I picked up his an...
A. 6 January 2013: Yep eventually you just get sick of the lies and shit that go on and often it's only when you get to that point that you are able to lets go. It's a shame you wasted almost another year of your life on this man...but there you go.
Good luck on ... (read in full...)
Cross dressing has taken over his life
Q. This is my first time on here so, here goes, ive known a man for nearly 20 years infact i was a bridesmaid at his wedding he split up from his wife about 3 years ago - she was very unkind and decided to tell everybody that he was a cross dresser ...
A. 20 May 2012: I think it's hard to get closure when you can't accept the truth about a situation.
From an outsider point of view it seems this man is branching out to a new part of his life and it's a part that he doesn't want to share with you.
He's tr... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 30 April 2012: Friendship is fine but don't be a mug.
If she makes you feel special and needed then that is great but love is unconditional so if she begins again with the signing documents or asks you for money, I'd run.... (read in full...)
Hungarian girl wanted me to 'sign documents' for her, I said no and she hasn't spoken to me since!
Q. I went for a drink with a Hungarian girl a couple of weeks ago, we went out, had a good time, I walked her back to her flat. We chat on Facebook Chat, everything was going well, until yesterday, when I got a Chat message asking if I could sign doc...
A. 24 April 2012: Don't sign anything, you don't know what you might be getting into. Seems like this is one person you don't need it your life. It sounds very dodgy indeed.... (read in full...)
He's a workaholic, what do I do?
Q. I am dating someone that is a major workaholic. He told me this when we first began dating but I'm now seeing it first hand. We've gotten along great up until about 1 month ago when he began having alot of problems at work and all his time is taken ...
A. 24 April 2012: I agree with both aunts, there really isn't any excuse that he cannot drop you a text or a 5 minute call on most days. The thing that does worry me is the fact he has said he is emotionally shut down!!! From an outsider point of view it's like he is ... (read in full...)
I love her and spending time with her isn't helping me to move on
Q. I have been seeing a woman on and off for 3 years. We dated a while, but she’s commitment phobic and called it off when it felt like a relationship. (bad previous relationship) We agreed to be friends. After 6 months, we got closer. I met he...
A. 23 April 2012: Number one in my golden book of rules is:
'You cannot be just friends with someone if you are in love with them but they are not in love with you'
Slamming your nuts repeatedly in the door would be less painful!!!
Whatever her agenda, ... (read in full...)
Can abusive men change?
Q. Can abusive men change.. I split from my ex who I know was abusive several months ago, unfortunately I.still have to have contact.as we had children. He has never openly admitted to being abusive.and had blamed me, he had apparently never been ...
A. 23 April 2012: I don't think it can ever be forgiven or forgotten...can it?
Ask yourself what it is you are hoping for. If it is that you hope he turns into a different person or that somehow you will magically be able to tolerate his abuse for the rest of your ... (read in full...)
Why is my husband being so secretive?
Q. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We have had our share of issues, as any other relationship, but nothing so serious we would consider separating. Recently, due to his work he had to move to another city while I stayed and continue...
A. 22 April 2012: That does seem odd doesn't it. I guess the only thing you can do is to sit down with him and ask him about what you have discovered...only he knows the answer and lets hope you know him well enough to recognise if he isn't telling you the truth.... (read in full...)
What is the right thing to do? I need help with my feelings for this man!
Q. I'm going crazy here please help I'm 38 I have 3 children and have met a really lovely man who I've been talking to for months he is a security guard at a club I go to and we talk quite a bit. He has full custody of his two children but also has a ...
A. 22 April 2012: This is what happens when you knowingly get involved with a man who has a girlfriend already.
He's a man, he's going to love having the attention of more than one woman (what bloke wouldn't). He has told you what you wanted to hear in order to... (read in full...)
I know my man is going to meet this woman tomorrow. I am going to confront them
Q. The man I have loved for the past 10 years is once again cheating on me. I confronted him and his lover last year , funny enough about the same time of year. Since he has promised not to see her or meet her. Last weekend I picked up his an...
A. 22 April 2012: Anyway you look on it, your man is a cheat and will probably continue to do so, even if he says he loves you.
You have to accept that nothing you have done or said in the past and nothing you may do or say in the future is going to change him. You... (read in full...)
If you invite your date to your house is that signaling you want sex?
Q. does inviting your date into your house after the date mean you want to have sex? we meant on line, had 2 dates, where I met him there. i said he could pick me up for hte 3rd date. he seems kind of cheap and i suspect he may be dating other peo...
A. 22 April 2012: Where ever you are with him and even if he expects sex, you can say NO. If he doesn't like it then he can take a hike!
If he is a bit cheap and is dating other women, maybe he isn't the right one for you.
Aim higher!... (read in full...)
What to do after been treated like this by this player?
Q. Ironically I've always tried to avoid these type of losers but I ended up falling for one who made his work rather well in making me fall in love with him. He has now discarded me for another one and he has even told in my face he never liked me but ...
A. 21 April 2012: As much as your brain tells you, 'There is nobody out there' or 'This never happens to thin pretty white girls' or 'My self esteem is destroyed'...these statements are NOT TRUE!!
I have learned over many years that the only way to 'get more' is... (read in full...)
What kind of guys are likely to be interested in me? My husband wants a divorce. Feels tough right now.
Q. Hi everyone need some positive advice. I have just turned 40 and my husband has left me and wants a divorce - we don't have any children. I am feeling numb and empty but we have had a bad marriage for a long time. However I am worried that I a...
A. 20 April 2012: I got divorced when I was 40. I also don't look my age. I am 47 now and have dated some really attractive men. I haven't wanted to settle with any of them (apart from one who cheated on me)because I enjoy my freedom after being in a long marriage. ... (read in full...)
Why is he ignoring me again?
Q. I just want honest views on this situation please. I realize it doesn't look like he wants me or is a player, I don;t know. Either way he is obviously treating me bad. Anyway, here is the story. The guy I started seeing is ignoring me-for the second ...
A. 16 April 2012: From what I have learned...If a guy is giving you confusing signals, he is covering something up.
A man that loves a woman and wants to be with her 100% will be attentive and give direct and clear dialogue and positive actions.
A guy who use... (read in full...)
Confused swinger?
Q. My husband wanted to swing and searched another couple. We started with our own partners in the same room and then went for a full swap when 3-4 mins into that my husband said this wasn't for him... But back at home he says he wants to try it again ...
A. 15 April 2012: He sounds very confused to be honest. He is caught between cheating and finding a solution that keeps you occupied. You are the one getting the attention so his plan hasn't worked out.
What is your sex life like in general? Do you explore just as ... (read in full...)
Coming out as pansexual to my conservative father?
Q. Hey guys. Just popping in to ask for some advice on coming out as pansexual to a conservative father. My mother, I think her views of me wouldn't change, as she's told me they wouldn't if I ever turned out to be anything other than straight, s...
A. 14 April 2012: Is it important to you to let your father know this about you immediately and at this time in your life?
Are you about to embark on a relationship with another pansexual person?
Pansexuals are people who do not recognise gender in choosing to b... (read in full...)
Confused swinger?
Q. My husband wanted to swing and searched another couple. We started with our own partners in the same room and then went for a full swap when 3-4 mins into that my husband said this wasn't for him... But back at home he says he wants to try it again ...
A. 14 April 2012: I remember watching a program once about a swingers party. There was a couple on it who were both very keen to have sex with other people, particularly the guy. He was all bold and brash and blase about how he liked to please other women and that it ... (read in full...)
He just got divorced 3 weeks ago. Is it too soon for him to be dating?
Q. A man that I have been seeing over the past month has been seperated from his wife for 3 years but only got divorced officially 3 weeks ago. He seems fine and happy to move on but do you think it is too early for him to be dating someone else? I ...
A. 14 April 2012: Nope...it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to me. It's a good idea to forget anything that happened between him and his ex. You have started out on a clean slate with him and you'd expect him to do the same for you and not judge you on ... (read in full...)
He's broken up with me twice without reason. I still love him!
Q. I'm 48 seperated with two boys( 17 and 12). My boyfriend is 39 has never been married and had no children. We went out for approx 9 months first. We were so in love. We did alot of travel to London, Paris etc.. on our own. As he earns very little ...
A. 14 April 2012: When you are in a relationship your partner SHOULD be nice to you and you not expect anything in return other than to be nice to them.
Normal stuff like taking the kids to school and cooking is just that...NORMAL and part of a healthy relation... (read in full...)
He just got divorced 3 weeks ago. Is it too soon for him to be dating?
Q. A man that I have been seeing over the past month has been seperated from his wife for 3 years but only got divorced officially 3 weeks ago. He seems fine and happy to move on but do you think it is too early for him to be dating someone else? I ...
A. 13 April 2012: No it's not too soon. The actual divorce happens when a couple actually parts. The paperwork that follows years later is just a formality and most people have moved on before this happens.
I wouldn't worry about it, if alls well, just go with the... (read in full...)
I don't love him but don't know whether to go or stay
Q. My husband is a controlling man and I've had enough and finally ended our unhappy marriage of 20 years. I've met this man while I was divorcing my husband. He is 16 years older than me. He is helpful and supportive at my difficult time. Two ...
A. 13 April 2012: You cannot stay if you do not love him, because that would be living a lie.Ok so he helped you at the time of your divorce, but that doesn't mean you owe him yourself as a permanent partner.
Yes it's going to be painful for him and things might ge... (read in full...)
He's broken up with me twice without reason. I still love him!
Q. I'm 48 seperated with two boys( 17 and 12). My boyfriend is 39 has never been married and had no children. We went out for approx 9 months first. We were so in love. We did alot of travel to London, Paris etc.. on our own. As he earns very little ...
A. 13 April 2012: He is with you for what you can provide.
From his point of view he has a desperate woman willing to throw cash, gifts and vacations at him. He can treat her like shit when it suits him and never have to say sorry (because she does all the apol... (read in full...)
My mother started a fight and hit me in front on my 2 year old son!
Q. I have never had a good relatinoship with my mother. Myself and my 2 sisters have never got on with her. She is a very difficult and manipulative person and likes to pick fights. Last week we had an argument about something as usual. However, ...
A. 12 April 2012: There isn't much you can do about what has happened other than to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Your mother sounds like a difficult and complex person and I agree, if she denied recognising your son's birthday because you had an argument... (read in full...)
I like her but overheard her talking about a date she just had. Where do I go now?
Q. Hi, a new girl started at work recently and we seem to get on well. She seems quite shy so i've been chatting to her when I can and just trying to get to know her a bit. A group of us from work are going out this weekend so I was looking forward to ...
A. 12 April 2012: For now you have missed the boat...be friendly but if her new relationship takes off then you will know for sure that she is out of bounds...that's life...full of dissapointments. We don't always get what we want.
Also I agree with workplac... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend is worried about gaining weight and isn't eating right!
Q. My girlfriend is currently pregnant. This will be her second child, this is my first baby. She suffers from bouts of depression here and there, and I talk to her and try to lift her spirits as best I can. My concern is her eating, or, at times, l...
A. 12 April 2012: I work in this field and I can tell you that she needs to see a midwife or doctor who deals specifically with this problem. She needs someone to unravel why she is feeling so low and to equip her with coping mechanisms. Unless she stops eating ... (read in full...)
Fiance owes too much money to ex and expects me to pay. How much is too much?
Q. Problems..... My fiancee (50) has just been served with a bill of $30,000 that he owed his ex on their divorce some 9 years ago. Due to ill health and circumstances he has not paid her and now she is peruing it.Their son of 15, visits in holidays ...
A. 12 April 2012: Yep...what Aunty Bim Bim said.
Love is a thin veil that blinds us to someone who's ripping us off. You should not be paying for anything that relates to his past...that is his shit to shovel...not yours!!
He should also be paying half the ... (read in full...)
I want to kiss my gay male friend but I'm unsure how to, or if I should even do it?
Q. Hi everyone I would really appreciate some assistance with a problem. I also would like serious help here - it might not seem like a big deal to you, but to me its been on my mind. Right, here we go ;) I have this gay best friend and we c...
A. 12 April 2012: How would you feel if one of your female friends came and tried to snog you?
Would it turn you off of them?
You seem a little clueless my dear and most gay men won't find that attractive.
Sure...go kiss him but it's probably going to destro... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I don't have much time together because he is always doing things for his mom
Q. I am in a relationship with a guy who lives with his elderly mum ,sometimes it feels like we don't have much time alone together ,she gets him doing jobs around the house .I see him every 3 weeks ,he did say we could go away together soon ,but now ...
A. 11 April 2012: In all honesty, if you only see him every 3 weeks, it's not that often and he should make time for you when he sees you. He lives with his mum and if he's around your age, maybe he's just a 'mummy's boy' and is at her beck and call...for a lot of ... (read in full...)
Will he ever change or should I just give up?
Q. my partner of 2.5 years and I booked a holiday recently, I previously took him away and paid for everything, he is non working and his mum always gives him money as he lies constantly to her to get her to feel sorry and give him funds. he is 40 and ...
A. 11 April 2012: While he's abroad, change the locks, dump all his stuff at his mothers, get a restraining order, plug up that hole in your emotions and then start living your life on a more positive note.
Cindy listed all his 'charming' qualities...if you say ... (read in full...)
I don't think I want anything to do with him, what do I do next?
Q. I met a guy last week and went out a few times. We met online and had spent some time on the phone before we met in person. He seemed nice but he is too overwhelming! Goes on about working out at the gym and when can I meet him next and how swe...
A. 11 April 2012: I am totally with you on this one. I have dated younger men and they can be like excited little puppies who get really carried away and usually end up saying a whole bunch of stuff they don't mean. If you go along with it you usually end up being ... (read in full...)
Cross dressing has taken over his life
Q. This is my first time on here so, here goes, ive known a man for nearly 20 years infact i was a bridesmaid at his wedding he split up from his wife about 3 years ago - she was very unkind and decided to tell everybody that he was a cross dresser ...
A. 10 April 2012: He has moved on! that's why he is distancing himself from you and being mean. He's looking for new friends and branching out but has made it clear that you arn't invited along for the ride.
It's a really awful thing to take advantage of someone ... (read in full...)
His ex is constanting looming over our relationship
Q. About a year ago I met a very nice and sweet guy who I have come to love very deeply. At the time he was in a relationship but he broke it off with her and we began to talk (it was a 1 year relationship)I fell in love with him but felt he still had ...
A. 10 April 2012: You did come between them!!! and that's why this woman won't go away.
How would you feel if someone came and took him from you?
It is not your business to have anything to do with her, it is up to your boyfriend to speak to her, say he is s... (read in full...)
I was the other woman and got dumped. How do I move on?
Q. hi, just joined this site, as i read alot of stories about being the OW. i too was the OW, for 2 years, and stupidly believed he would leave his partner, well, i was the one he dumped after she found out about us, and obviously he denied everythi...
A. 3 April 2012:
You are not the first and you won't be the last...learn from the experience and gradually time will heal.
On a scale of dateable men, I do believe that married men are the very highest risk. Almost all return to their wives and never think ... (read in full...)
Four years of talking online but I still don't know his real name, or phone number
Q. Hi Users, Where do I begin?. I'll just write what comes I suppose. For four years I have been talking to a man online. We talk every day at least 3 to 4 times and sometimes more. We log onto MSN in the mornings, during breaks at work, after wor...
A. 3 April 2012: It is not a matter of trust to tell someone your name, we all do it almost every day. If you met him in a bar or a shopping mall, he would have told you his name by now wouldn't he??
Online, he is concealed, he can say what he wants and make a m... (read in full...)
Have you ever been deeply in love with someone and then they decide they don't want to be with you anymore?
Q. Has any of you ever been very deeply in love with a person, and then after (in my case 2 years) awhile they decide they don't want to be with you anymore? What did you do? How did you handle it/carry on? (He had a ring, we planned to get marrie...
A. 3 April 2012: Yes, happened to me acouple years ago and took me as long to get over.
I learned a very important lesson from it and that was to NEVER make someone else maore important in your eyes than yourself...because if they go...there goes your world wi... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't respect girlfriends wishes
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years. We've had alot of ups and downs. Here recently I told him I wanted to try to connect better on an emotional level rather than physical. (no sex). He still tries to get me to give in, but ...
A. 3 April 2012: It is fine if you have decided to withdraw sex for whatever reason, but it is not fine to expect that your boyfriend will understand or go along with it.
A relationship encompasses many thing emotional and physical. If you had begun the relation... (read in full...)
He tells me he loves me, then he doesn't talk to me, why?
Q. I have known this guy for 10 years we hit off right away. He has trust issues his ex wife cheated on him. I met his family last week he told me he loved me.He stopped talking to me. I am so confused he told my sister he is messed in the head and ...
A. 2 April 2012: On the whole men operate with simplicity. I am not saying they arn't clever intelligent or wise, but that when they have their sights set on a goal, be it a job, a sports acheivement or a female, they will not waste any time in pursuing that ... (read in full...)
Why can I not move on? What is the matter with me?
Q. I had a 5 year on and off relationship with my exboyfriend as he was seeing other women. I confronted him with evidence 4 months ago. I walked out for good. He send me email saying that his flat feels big, cold and empty without me. I sent hi...
A. 2 April 2012: I am sorry you are having such a difficult time over this. I have been there myself over the same situation (love and him cheating many times) so I know what you are going through.
I think we are in love with the person we want our ex to be, we t... (read in full...)
How do I move on from my affair?
Q. I have been married 25 yrs. I had a 10 yr affair with a married co-worker. I no longer work for the company. He ended it very abruptly about 6 months ago. I did not think I invested so much in the friendship. It has been very difficult to just ...
A. 1 April 2012: I don't think there is a time limit for getting over anything that affects us deeply, it very much depends on the circumstance and the individual.
I am not big on affairs but understand that they happen all the time and getting over them is no le... (read in full...)
After six weeks I asked him the status of our relationship and he backed off!
Q. I asked this guy the status of our relationship- we've been seeing each other for 6 weeks. He gave me an honest answer that he has too much work atm resulting in lack of free time, his ex is still at the back of his mind and he has family issues so ...
A. 1 April 2012: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-agreed-to-an-open-relationship-he-said6.html
You posted before that this guy asked for an open relationship and you recieved several replies which I am not sure if you have read...so I have provided the link.
... (read in full...)
I cant move on, and she's gone back to her ex!
Q. why do i still feel bad ? my ex dumped me for the second time about 8 months ago to go back to her ex. in a way i blame myself . i fell for her again very qiuckley, she never really let go of me , texting me , stringing me along , i was in...
A. 31 March 2012: Sorry that you are going through such a confusing time. There is no doubt that your ex has given you the run around and it's typical behaviour for someone who either doesn't want to commit to you or doesn't know what they want at all.
It's ... (read in full...)
I need to get over him pretty soon!
Q. Hey guys well my question is how to get over someone........a bit of background info I ve recently got closer to this lad at college, we talk daily. I really really like him, When I am with him its amazing, i feel so happy but sometimes if we don't ...
A. 31 March 2012: Ouch honey OUCH!!!
Awww it's so crappy when you like someone more than they like you and I think this is whats going on with this bloke. You like him but he isn't playing the game and it's beginning to confuse and hurt you.
The best thing you c... (read in full...)
How men like making wives jealous
Q. This is trick of the mind.My male cousin has been cheating on his wife since time they've been married.We don't know what it is that he's telling her but shes posting things on fb to prove that their marriage is great.He don't tell us much but the ...
A. 31 March 2012: If you know and have proof that he is cheating on her, don't you think you should let her know? If she is posting stuff on FB and people are laughing at her, it's a bit cruel to not let her know what is really going on.... (read in full...)
I want to break up and not go back
Q. I asked this question and I tried to do it but I didn't succeed. I feel like breaking up with y boyfriend because I had gone into this relationship very very soon after my 2 yer relationship with my ex. Me and my boyfriend have been together fo...
A. 31 March 2012: It's never easy or comfortable to be the one to end a relationship...someone is always going to come off worse and won't be able to see the big picture.
If you have decided beyond all doubt that you want to end it, you have to tell him to his face... (read in full...)
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