A
female
age
26-29,
*affy369
writes:Well, im 15... And me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months, now heres my issue, when we hit a year... My boyfriend wants a BABY.....Okay look, I absoulutly ADORE babies, I LOVE them. And I have no problem with pregnancy at this age.... My education I will always think about. .....Okay now heres the thing, my boyfriend doesnt have a JOB and hes 17 years old, I told him as long as he gets a job, then im ok with getting pregnant, I say this because I want a child of my own as badly as he does.... Help ! I need to know if this is right! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (25 June 2012):
Its absolutely the right thing to do if you have met the following criteria:1 - You already have the necessary $240,000 that it costs to raise a child in the bank.2 - You are absolutely certain beyond the shadow of any doubt that you will want to be with the father for the rest of your life3 - You already have done all the things in your life that the freedom of no children will allow by age 15.4 - You already have at least your BS/BA if not masters degree.If you have all those things, its a great idea, otherwise, its completely foolish.If you decide on moving foward, please do me the favor and do not move to the state of NY. Taxes here are high enough already.
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female
reader, lovedontrun +, writes (25 June 2012):
 DON'T.being pregnant, going into labor, delivering a baby and then raising said baby is WAYY too much responsibility at the age of 15. i've seen people in their 20s and even their 30s who struggled with adjusting to all of the responsibility that comes along with parenthood. plus, i personally think that your relationship with this guy is a little too young to be thinking about tying yourself together with a baby. and i don't think i need to mention things such as teen parents being more likely to end up in poverty, giving their babies a higher chance of being born premature or with birth defects, being less likely to finish school and go to college, and things like that.you said that you adore babies. who DOESN'T adore babies? but think about this: are you going to adore that baby when it's keeping you from being a regular teenager and doing all of the regular teenager stuff (going out with friends, going to the prom, being involved with extracurricular activities)?you have SOO much living ahead of you. don't be in any rush. ")good luck, and God bless,~sarah~
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female
reader, A N O  +, writes (24 June 2012):
Of course not!! Not at this young age... Please do not ruin your life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): DON't be stupid, this dude says he wants to have a baby, yeah so he can get into your pants, lemme tell you what's gonna happen: You get pregnant, your mum gets pissed, your relationship WILL change during pregnancy blame it on the hormones or whatever, then you'll have the baby ( Which hurts as hell ) and you won't look as hot as you used to be, your friends will go to the prom you'll be changing nappies, and your boyfriend in no time will be wanting out, besides you think you are very mature right now , but in 5 yrs time you'll look back and think what a stupid kiddo you were back then thinking you knew everything, if you were only screwing up your own life that would be ok, but then you'd be also adding another mouth for your parents to feed, and the poor innocent child who'll have such a poor start in life, parents always want to give the best to their kids what could YOU provide for this child? can you at least support yourself? What you're even asking is extremely irresponsible.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Like everyone else said, it is NOT a good idea to have a baby at such a young age.
You have not stopped growing yourself, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Why would you throw away your education, your life, your everything, just to raise a baby, when you aren't yet an adult?
Babies are cute and all, but they're for two (or one in some circumstances) adults to raise and mold into an upstanding human being, not for a teenager to play with.
I suggest you watch some teen mom (I've never seen it, but I've been told it shows the real deal and how hard it is) and just realize that this is not a good idea.
If your boyfriend REALLY loved you, he'd wait for you guys to grow up before having a child. It's obvious he just wants to have sex. Unprotected sex.
Not only do I advise you to not do anything that rash, but also re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend, because you shouldn't be with someone who just wants you for sex.
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male
reader, ljohnson +, writes (23 June 2012):
Do your parents know ..
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (23 June 2012):
seriously Im 23 and the thoughts of ending up pregnant terrify me. are you for real? this isnt a doll you are talking about, its a human life. you need to babysit for people and ear some money while you get an idea of what having a baby 24/7 would be like. oh, and consult your parents on whether they fancy having an extra mouth to feed. Im not being funny saying this, but your parents have a right to know if you are basically putting them in charge of another person without them having a say in it.
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (23 June 2012):
Taffy, what are you thinking girl? How can you do this to yourself and your parents. I read that someone thinks he's doing this for sex. Gosh they're behind, you're working on the next level. If you were my daughter i would be so disappointed in your actions. Don't do this to your parents. They raised you and i guess these are the values they instilled in you so far. This is so sad.Hey google age of consent then google the punishment that the two of you could recieve if your parents press the issuse.Do you think a child should have a stable home?Do you think a child should have two loving parents?A guy would tell you anything to get off. Stop servicing this guy like Let your parents know that you and your guy friend are sneaking sex. Do this before sex become meaningless to you.
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female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 The fact you even ask if its the right thing, shows that deep down you know it is NOT the right thing. you should not be considering having kids at ur age. how are you going to support it? How are you going to pay rent? buy food? Clothes for yur baby? And urself? How are you you going to pay electricity? You are not financially or emotionLly ready at 15 to look after baby. its a 28hr (yes i knw there are only 24hrs in a day) day job. If you and your bf love each other, wait until you finish school( and uni) then move in together, and then think about having a baby.xx
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 PS. the fact that your boyfriend of 9 months (that's not long even) wants to have a baby with you now also tells me that he is NOT seriosu about you. If he was serious then he'd think ahead as well. I am suspecting that he only says this because he wants to have sex with you. If he was serious, in any way, about having a child he'd wait, he'd get his education sorted out, he'd get a job etc. He's just dicking with your head with this idea, he's not serious at all. Don't be fooled. If he's serious he'll stick with you until you are 18 (time is the test of true love, not baby talk) and then MARRY you.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 June 2012):
It's a dumb idea. He doesn't have a job, you don't have a job. You don't have money, and you don't have a place to live. You aren't even legally allowed to have sex btw, so if you get pregnant you can imagine: the authoritites (police) will probably have to get involved. And child protection services.
Oh, and to top it off, while BABIES might be cute and you say you love them... A baby grows up. It doesn't sound like you want to be a MOM, you just want a "baby" in the iconic sense of the word.
And not to be rude, but at your age your are not likely to continue to be in a relationship with your boyfriend. So, if you get pregnant, prepare to be a single mother. If you and your boyfriend are actually serious about each other and about the idea of becoming a family then you should think ahead, maybe get married once you're legally allowed to, get a job, get a place to live together, save up some money and THEN have a baby.
I think the reason why you aren't planning ahead, but only thinking in the moment and now thinking about the future, is because you are a teenager. You aren't fully matured mentally, and physically haven't matured enough to see CONSEQUENCES.
Having a baby at 15 is real dumb. Think how much better a life you can offer a child of yours if you grow up first and can provide the basic standards of living for your child. If you get kicked out on the streets now (I bet you live with your parents) you're practically homeless. No education, no work, no money, no nothing.
Use your brains and stop thinking only about right now. Think ahead. If you really want a child and to be a mother then it can WAIT until you are ready and I don't mean just mentally ready, but financially ready and have a home of your own.
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female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Kids should not have kids! Just my opinion its a horrible idea and you have no idea what goes into being a parent. You adore babies? Yeah that's because they are not yours and can easily give them back to thier parents. The cost of a baby is expensive! Diapers, clothes, bottles, formula it adds up. Why not finish school first? go to college and so when you do have kids you can set an example. I feel young girls have whats called the baby doll sydrome the cute clothes the small little beings they are. They grow up. As well as you should.
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 It is not a good idea. Here is the reason why. A 15 year-old cannot get a good enough job on which to support a child. My sister was 28 when she got pregnant. Her boyfriend left and has nothing to do with the baby. She is working a good job in a hospital business office. My parents watch the baby everyday while she works (and that's only because they are both retired). Having a baby means another human being is completely dependent upon you. For food, for shelter, for clothing, for EVERYTHING. You have to think about daycare, healthcare, and a multitude of other things that most adults with good-paying jobs often can't afford because children are expensive. They also require your time 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That is only when they're babies. When they're of school age, you have to start thinking about saving money for college, trade school, or a career. After all, if you are a responsible parent you want what is best for your child and that normally doesn't mean getting a job a McDonald's...unless it's in management. Most people want their child to go into a trade or career so they have enough money to support a spouse and children if that is what they want to do. You have no clue how much time, energy, and money a child takes. No, it is not a good idea.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): You know perfectly well that it is a terrible idea. A child deserves better than a 15 year old mother! If you care at all about your children you'll wait until you're able to give them a better home.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 How could it possibly be a good idea ? It's so NOT a good idea that's even illegal ! ( you may not have a problem with getting pregnant at 15 , but the law of your country does ; if he gets you pregnant at 15 he commits statutory rape. If I were your mom I would not hesitate a second pressing charges, and I hope your mom feels the same ).
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 What do your parents say about this situation?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 NO NO NO this is a terrible idea.
You've only been together for the length of a pregnancy, even in an older couple that's WAY WAY WAY too soon. 9 months is not enough time to get to know someone well enough to permanently bind yourself to them for life. No matter how in love you are. I know you feel old enough, but you are just children yourself. You don't have the emotional maturity to raise a child
Also if you have this baby your boyfriend will likely go to jail because you are underage.
People don't decide to have babies, they decide they want to essentially give their entire life to someone else to raise children. This isn't like a present or something, you don't just decide you like babies and have one. Liking babies doesn't mean you understand the incredible amount of 24/7 care they require. When they're up screaming all night, when they won't nurse, when they pee, poop, and vomit on you, when they get sick and you have to clean them up, deal with their lack of sleep, and then catch it yourself. If you were completely alone with a baby and it started shrieking and wouldn't stop, would you really know what to do? What about the first time it gets a fever? Gets diarrhea? Falls or bumps into something once it learns to crawl?
You seem to have the education part backwards, your education won't always be waiting for you. Every year you take off the harder it becomes to go back and be successful. Getting pregnant will be there for you for up to 30-35 more years, but school won't be. Your education needs to be your absolute first priority if you ever want to get a decent job and be successful.
I don't see how your 17 year old boyfriend could POSSIBLY make enough money to support you and a baby. It's hard enough even for well-educated people with work experience to live off one salary, it's just not realistic that you three will be able to live on one minimum wage salary.
It sounds like you are already having sex (if you're not, don't, it's illegal) so please be very proactive in using protection. Buy your own condoms and keep track of them and use them at all times. If you do this you are throwing away your life over a boy, don't do it! If you really want a baby like you say you do, you'll still want one when you've graduated and have a stable job and marriage. This isn't a once in a lifetime chance. If you can't wait that long, you are certainly not prepared for the patience required in raising a child.
If you care at all about your future children, you will wait. It's simply not fair to them to bring them into this kind of situation.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 I can't improve on anything KC said. so I say ditto.
it's not a good idea for so many reasons....
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 The quick answer - NO!!!!
'Wanting a baby' and 'having a baby' are 2 very different things, and the reality of being parents is very very difficult. If you wait to have your child you will see that maturity is a massive help, having a good job with good money is going to be even better - so if you finish your education and get a decent job then you are going to be able to give your child a much better life than you can give it now. Most women LOVE babies, I'm 25 and can just look at a baby and feel my emotions going, I love babies and cant wait to have one. Yet I thankfully have maturity on my side and realize that while I dont own a house, earn that much money and I'm not married means having a baby right now is a VERY BAD IDEA.
In terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant and childhood disorders and a higher rate of infant mortality (death). Low-birthweight babies are more likely to have organs that are not fully developed, which can result in complications, such as bleeding in the brain, respiratory distress syndrome, and intestinal problems.
- Pregnant teens have a higher risk of getting high blood pressure - called pregnancy-induced hypertension, than pregnant women in their 20s or 30s. They also have a higher risk of preeclampsia. This is a dangerous medical condition that combines high blood pressure with excess protein in the urine, swelling of a mother's hands and face, and organ damage.
Aside from putting your health at risk and your unborn child's health at risk, here are the other issues that you need to consider:
1. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child? I'm sure the answer here in your case is NO! You cant expect your mum and dad to help you out and let you live at home with your baby, they already have one child (you!), they dont want another! And you cant expect the government to bail you out either. To raise a child properly you need a nice home of your own so you can bring the child up in a happy, clean and comfortable environment that he or she can call home. Stuck in your bedroom in your parents house is not a good home for a child.
2. Do you have a good career with future prospects? Again, the answer is for you - NO!! You havent been through college, so where on earth do you think the money is going to come from to raise this child? You need a good job that pays well to raise a child, otherwise you wont be able to feed him/her properly, clothe them, buy toys, take them on days out, pay for doctors etc....you will be struggling for every dollar and wont be able to provide for your child. Good education = good job, good job = good money. Poor/little education = crappy job with no future, crappy job = no money and struggling for the rest of your life. Not fun!
3. Do you have a car? Bet the answer is NO again! How do you expect to get around with your child? Do you think your mum and dad are going to act as a taxi service for you and the baby? What if your mum and dad are out and you need to get to the doctors or the hospital if the baby is ill? Without a car you will be stuck at home, wont be able to take the baby for more than a walk around the block and if there is an emergency you will be stuck.
4. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child? Have you thought about how much a child costs? It is estimated around $100,000 until the age of 18 - where are you going to get that kind of money from?
5. Do you have a supportive family network around you? As much as your mum and dad might help you, they might also disown you for getting pregnant at such a young age - what happens then? You cant rely on your parents to sort everything out for you and you can just sit there happy as larry holding the baby - unless you can provide for yourself then there is no way you can provide for a baby.
6. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child.
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
If you really want to be a mum, then surely you will want to be a good mum right? And aged 15, even aged 17, 18 or 19 you CANNOT be a good mum. You cannot offer the child everything it needs, therefore you would be damaging the child. You can love it as much as you want - children need a heck of a lot more than just love alone.
What you are feeling is normal, a lot of teenagers have this issue (search dear cupid and you will see) - the reason you feel like this is because your hormones are running riot and telling you that you are ready for a baby. Once you have started your periods, your body thinks it is ready for a baby hence it releases lots of hormones that make you think about having babies. But this does not mean it is a good idea - quite the opposite!
You should not let hormones dictate your life, your brain is the sensible part here and you need to be sensible about this. You simply cannot give a child a good life, therefore wait until you are old enough when you can give a child a good life.
The key thing here is - if you cant provide for yourself (i.e. look after yourself totally independent from your parents) then you cannot provide for and care for a baby. Once you have moved out, got a job, a car, some savings.....etc then you can have baby. Until that day - you are not ready and you would only be hurting your child if you were silly enough to have a baby.
I really hope you dont do this, you will be ruining your life, hurting your parents, messing up your boyfriends life (who, by the way has no clue what he is getting himself into and I can promise you this - he will run once the baby is born, all teenage boys do, they cant handle the responsiblity once the child arrives. They all like the idea of a baby, but once it arrives it is a different story). And most importantly, you will be giving this child a bad start in life, when if you were grown up about this, you could easily wait until you are older and then give the baby a great start in life. If you have a child now you are just being selfish - you are not doing this for the right reasons.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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