A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Uncertain of ex s intentions? I broke up with the father of my 2 kids in jan, we'd had a strained relationship for many yrs, due to the fact that he is immature and a bad boy. Although at 42 he would binge drink with mates at wk ends take drugs etc, I grow tried of his behaviour as he was die respectful to me. I felt I'd been led on with a guy I'd invested in emotionally and he couldn't committ to me. He would get drunk and accuse me of giving him a life he didn't want so after another abuseful attack I told him to leave. He moved out and bought a flat with some money he had left to him. 6 months have gone by and I've started to get over things a bit, however I have said to my ex I would like us to be friends for the kids sake, he accepted and said he'd like it too, recently he keeps saying he misses me, he didn't know what he had and keeps suggesting we marry, to me this is ridiculous. Surly life has changed for him and he misses it but why now after we split does he ask me to marry him. He keeps inviting me to his flat for movies and wine when he has the kids over but I refuse, what's going on in his head?
View related questions:
broke up, drugs, drunk, immature, money, moved out, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Steve_S +, writes (19 June 2012):
 It's got little do do with what "HE" wants - he had more than his fair share of chances by the sound of it.
As a guy myself - I guess the realisation that finding a woman to put up with this is quite difficult - so by default he's returning to you.
If you accept this then in my humble opinion you are setting the precedence for many more years of the same...
Steve
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Hi
If it sounds rediculous to you, getting married to him,then it doesn't matter what HE is thinking or why does it.
Its not flattering that he wants you to pop round when the kids are with him. Bet he either wants you to babysit or help with them, cos he can't cope OR he wants sex. By saying you want to be friends he is maybe assuming,friends with benefits arrangement.
Basically he will have his cake and eat it.
Make the bounderies clear IF you really dont want to marry him, he hasn't changed, he just lives somewhere else.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 They say " beware of what you wish for, you might get it "- it sounds like this is your case. You could not make him committ... and now he wants to marry you. But, do you really want to marry a perennial immature bad boy into drugs and binge drinking ?? Is that the kind of husband you see yourself with for the rest of your life ?.. I would hope not.
You don't need to be " friends " ( i.e. put out for him for old times sake, because basically that's what he wants ) with him . An ex is an ex for a reason, and most often because he could not be a good loyal caring friend enough when you were together, imagine after. Plus, in your case, frankly it is already bad enough that your children have to have this kind of a man as a role model, if you get too chummy with him it's like you are endorsing and validating his actions and personality in the eyes of the kids. Just be civil and polite because he IS your kid's dad after all- and nothing more . It is immature still being a " bad boy " at his age, but it is also immature still being attracted to bad boys at yours !
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Immature, abusive, binge drinking, drug user bad boy at 42?
You think he's ever going to change?
I have lived a long hard life for my years and one thing I know for sure...people like him NEVER change.
It's your life, your call, if you think you can handle going through what happened before then good luck to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 What's going on in his head is that he has figured out that he can use the kids to lever you to be available to him for s*x........
You have described an untenable situation that you had with this guy.... and used the kids to justify why you SHOULD or MUST stay in-touch with him.... so you can use THAT to sell your soul to him yet again.....
You don't have to be "friends" with an ex- ("for the kids' sake!!!"). You ONLY have to be civil to him/her....
Considering that, I think you'd be wise to remain far distant from this guy and go (out) and make a MUCH BETTER life for yourself.....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Impartial_Opinion +, writes (18 June 2012):
Sounds like a classic case of 'you don't know what you've got until its gone'. I'm guessing (but could well be wrong) that the lack of commitment (ie marriage) from him was an issue to you the first time? If so then it is likely he thinks that if he gives you that commitment then you will take him back. However, would YOU seriously consider marrying this man? Who cares what is going on in his head, how do YOU feel about him? Don't go back there out of pity for him.
...............................
|
