A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had a first date recently, it went pretty well. He did however have a few ex girlfriends still in his life. One a psycho stalker,his words not mine.Another who visits him for weekends sometimes.Plus one or two othersHe asked for a 2nd date, I went as I thought he may have just been telling me his history first one.Then silence,one text saying he was caught up in stuff so I let it go. Thought that was it.Got a message off him few days later saying he had been taking a 'friend' up to her family as somebody was very ill. To be honest I thought, not another ex in need. I have told him its going nowhere theres too much baggage and drama and he doesnt let go of it.He seems to think am over reacting,but I think I am right. Opinions?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 As a woman who is married to a guy who came with TONNES of baggage and drama... Think LONG and HARD about dating him. If it seems too much, it probably is.
Of course he thinks you are overacting, if he didn't think that he would have to admit that he is living with one foot firmly planted in the past and not really moving along, maturing and growing as a person. Easier to try and convince YOU that the fault lies with you, isn't it?
You do know you can do better, right?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): He lets his ex women define who he is and rule his life. Quite sad really. You were right to think it would go nowhere. And for the record. When he talked about an ex who is `psycho`. That means a woman he has p`d off big time and hes still in contact and fighting with her. Ugh! You were right to ditch him, hes a loser x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2012): Thanks for time and answers, I know I have done the right thing
Basschick,yes you mirror my thoughts exactly
He rang last night and as I ignored him,text. That he was the best and I would regret not seeing him. Deleted it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 Of course he wants you to think you're over reacting. If you believe him, you'll stay and become another thread in his security blanket.That he would mention these other women, let alone refer to one of them as a 'psycho stalker' on a first date is a very bad sign for several reasons. For one thing, it is rude (to you and the exes involved) to talk about previous partners so early, casually and disdainfully. For another this so called psycho is probably just a naive woman he is stringing along and by referring to her as a stalker, he creates deniability in case you ever catch the two together. Really you don't need to take a poll to validate your opinion or the action you took. You're not obliged to stay with someone just to be fair or to spare their feelings. You did the right thing. Trust your own judgment.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (18 June 2012):
 His ex girlfriends represent a sort of safety net for him, emotionally and probably sexually since I'd be willing to bet he's still having sex with at least one of them. However, what he fails to realize is how much they are holding him back, keeping him from moving on into a new relationship. Alot of single men remain "friends" with one or two of their ex girlfriends or wives because they feel they have 'nothing to lose' or nothing better going on. And pretty soon they become a crutch that cripples him from moving on. You have pointed this out to him and if he still doesn't get it, leave him to wallow in a sea of his exes and move on.
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A
female
reader, trueatheart +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Yes YOU ARE RIGHT! Stick to your guns, this guy will only bring you misery. He probably doesn't like to be the one who gets dumped which is why he is trying to persuade you to keep seeing him. Don't be reeled in by this guy.
In my experience, once he's got you where he wants you, he will probably dump you anyway so that you can be another ex on his long list. Hold out for somebody better!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Too many red flags and WAY too much baggage and clingers...
You did the right thing absolutely!!
x
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