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anonymous
writes:This afternoon I had my 10 year old grandson (my son's son)and I took a wrong turn in the car at a junction. He panicked thinking we were going to his other grannys (his mum's mum). On gently questioning him he told me that it would be a bad idea for me to go to his other grannys becasue "she doesn't like you". He went on to say that he heard his mum, his other granny and his great granny together all say that they did not like you. But he said "I like you, I think you're beautiful". I asked him "does your dad know this and he replied "yes". I left it at that. When I put my grandson back to his parents I acted normally. I am very hurt though. I thought I was liked. My question is, what do I do now? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Well, it will come off as surprising for now but you'll get used to that fact. I would suggest just shrugging it off, what you know now does not actually change the fact that they may have not liked you since before, but you were fine and you were civil with them. So why should you be very affected now?And anyway, i bet you also don't like all the people you know same like the others....just think of it that you can't please everyone. If they don't like you, it's their problem. The sweetest thing anyway is that your grandson likes to be with you and I can say likes you more than the other grandmother, otherwise he wont be with you and wont be honest with you.I also was sensitive to people who don't like me before and I ended up trying to please everybody. It was truly exhausting. Now I don't care as long as I know I am not doing anything wrong, it's actually less of a burden.Really, there are people sometimes that regardless of what you do, they just don't like you. That's their problem.
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 It hurts to know that someone doesn't like you, but who cares OP? How does their approval matter to you? Do you like everyone who comes your way? And really OP, its no great surprise if your daughter-in-law and her family have an opinion of you, I mean I'm not sure if any girl is a great fan of her mother-in-law! Take it with a pinch of salt and leave it at that.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I don't think it matters much. If they don't like you then that's their problem really, not yours. You don't mind them, and they are civil to you and don't create trouble for you. Up until this point things were fine because you thought they were okay with you (or maybe even liked you). Still, do not put too much thought into what a child says. They say all sorts of things, he's only ten. He wouldn't lie I am sure, but children can take things out of context, or add too much meaning to something, or not understand everything that is being said. And, children are brutally honest. They can say cruel things. So while he might have just repeated what he heard, I do not think anyone would say hurtful things to your face, out of courtesy and politeness and respect. And you should remember that: they didn't tell you in person because even if they dislike you they respect you, and want to stay civil with you. Besides, they might change their minds about you. It could also be they meant they disliked something you did, and not you as a person.
Don't take it to heart, a childs word must be taken with a pinch of salt and not trusted blindly. Don't jump to conclusions or have your feelings hurt by this. Instead I think you should explain to your grandchild that it is not nice to tell people that they are not being liked, even if they just heard someone else say it. Because it hurts that person. It is not nice to tell someone that they are not liked, regardless of who it is that doesn't like them.
Then again, if you were the one who pressed the matter with him its fine, one should always respond honestly if directly asked.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 June 2012):
 So apparently your daughter-in-law 's grandmother does not like you.... Is that a problem ?....
I mean, maybe also your hairstylist's cousin does not like you, or your mailman's uncle. One just can't be universally liked. Do you HAVE to care ?... Why ? Do they pay your bills ? No ?.... Then, no you don't have to care. As long as they can be civil to you in public, you'll do just fine without their liking.
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 June 2012):
 My mum had this with my older brothers family. She was rightly upset but knew if she made a big deal that it would affect her seeing her grandchildren so she decided to take the high road for them and stayed pretty neutral with his wifes family (cos really they arnt as important as the grandkids to her)
We were all going to steam in on my mums behalf but my mum said no. Daughters tend to stand up for their mums whereas sons usually want and easy life...it's how it's always been.
Don't worry about if they like you...your grandson loves you and that's all you need to know...
Leave the bitching to the bitches!!! :-) xxx
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reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 If the granny is that dominating, then it may very well be that she's the only one who doesn't like you, and the others are just afraid to disagree with her, at least in her presence. A very smiler thing used to go on in my family, until we all developed "balls", so to speak, and started living our own lives and expressing our own opinions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI provided an update to this question but did not notice I was not logged in. I hope that it's not too late to flag my reply (which starts with a thanks) as the original question asker.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): Thanks for these answers.
Years ago, my son explained to me that my daughter-in-law's family are ruled by her granny who dominates all the younger members of the family and he goes along with this for an easier life. Because of this, I have also turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to a lot because I love my grandson and want to be a positive part of his life. Because of this, I don't think my grandson got it wrong but I just did not realise that all of them disliked me.
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reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 June 2012):
I agree, you should talk to your son. Your grandson could have thought they were talking about you when it was really someone else or also could be that he just didn't want to go there?
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I agree with MarieClaire - your grandson could have gotten it all a little wrong. Maybe he said what he did, because he DIDN'T want to go see his other grandmother?
But if it nags at you talk to your son. Tell him what your grandson said.
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reader, The Realist +, writes (20 June 2012):
 I would talk to your son and try to find out why. He is the only one you can really trust to talk to. If they are just going to hate you then there is really no reason to deal with them unless you have to. As long as you can see your grandson it doesn't matter what they think.
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