A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I been seeing a man in USA and I am in Canada about 6 months. We were having everyother weekend together. I just spent 3 beautiful days with him. I thought we were falling inlove, While sleeping somehow he hit me with his cel phone and woke me up. I laid there with his phone on my chest and then decided to read the texts.. I was so hurt and blown away. I saw all these duplications of messages he sent me to other women. Also seem to a friend with bennifitts. I was so upset and lost it. I slapped him and just lost it.(Snapped the phone in half) He did own it,he got very sick,cried and I think as I walked out the door screaming. He said that he was falling in love with me. So that is it.. I don't know what to do, I am ashamed of how angry I got. I just feel empty and still have him in my heart. What should I do?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): I actually wouldn't have been so restrained ........ The fact he was cuddling the phone imples he fell asleep, beside you, texting these other women. I applaud you
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 I notice that you say " he knew I was seeing only him " , rather than " we had agreed to be exclusive ". That makes me think that perhaps you've worked too much on assumptions , or taken the r/ship for more stable and solid than it was after 6 months of alternate weekends.
Never mind. That does not change my opinion , that assaulting him physically was absolutely not the right thing to do, and that if he has an ounce of common snese,...he will not come back for more. Which, is a very good thing, because if you want a monogamous relationship, obviously he's not the one.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): His story does not make sense in that you say that he has been recently texting these girls, but is also falling in love with you.I could understand if the texts were older and he was only now realizing he loved you, but if he was falling in love, he would have no reason or want to be sending texts to other women. Sorry, but I think you need to move on. Long distance relationships never seem to work out anyway, and you never know what his motivations are. A friend of mine was dating a man from the states and then found out he was with her only so that he could get his green card:(
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (23 June 2012):
 Oh well then that does make it a different story. In your post you didn't actually make it very clear that the two of you had a calm discussion about it, or that your relationship was exclusive. You just said you lost it, slapped him, broke his phone in half, and screamed on your way out the door.
But since they are recent and he did own up to them, then I guess you need to decide whether you think his profession of love is sincere, and whether or not you think it is worth it to continue in the relationship. Can the two of you get past this, and can you trust him, again?
I do stand by my statement about the physical attack to him and the destruction of his personal property being wrong, though.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): I thought I would let everyone know. The texts were recent and he knew I was only seeing him. We are not young. I totally was not FWB. Also If he seeing others and doing the same how could he be with me from Thursday to Sunday? I think some of you are not reading my whole question. We did sit down and talk and yes he owned it and got sick? I left.
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (22 June 2012):
I agree with CindyCares. Physically attacking him and his personal property is not a good thing. Technically you're a long distance relationship, and you've only been seeing him for six months. Have you established yourselves as a committed couple, only seeing each other? If not, then he didn't do anything wrong. Those messages, and the FWB, could also be more then six months old. Not everyone clears out their phone on a regular basis.
Since you physically attacked him, without giving him a chance to defend himself, you owe it to him to at least calmly sit down and listen to his side of the story before making a decision.
In my opinion, you already have a strike against you. You slapped a man, you've only known for six months, over texts messages that could have been a misunderstanding. Call me old fashioned, but I believe the only touching that should take place, in a relationship, is of the loving kind.
You displayed a physically violent outburst, and if that is how you are going to behave every time the man pisses you off, then HE should definitely move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Well, the hitting there is no excuse for, though I kind of understand your anger.
The thing is you two NEVER defined the relationship? You just saw each other every other week-end for sex?
Personally, I would NOT sleep with a guy til I know what I WANT from him and what he wants from me. If you want a monogamous relationship, you need to verbalize it. BEFORE the sex.
I'm not wanting to justify him sleeping around at all, but perhaps he felt like you two were more of a FWB then a couple?
As for sending duplicates to other women - TACKY! To me it just shows you how little effort he puts into his relationships and how little he actually cares. Seems to me that he would send the same text to several women if that sentence worked for him.. What does that tell you? That he is playing games.
Drop him, stop talking to him, move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Sometimes you discover people aren't who you thought they were. I know it sucks, but it is good you found out now and did not waste anymore of your time. He shouldn't be texting other women, and in any case, maybe those were women from his past, so why is he keeping the texts? If these texts were current, I would have done exactly what you did. No harm done. You just let him know that he can't walk all over you and that you mean business.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 June 2012):
In partial disagreement with Aunty Em, I don't think that getting mad at someone , and particularly in a case like this when there' s no official relationship and you just "thought " you both were falling in love- should involve physically attacking the person and destroyng his personal belongings.
If not for moral reasons , ( which matter too ) at least because , imagine if by any chance it all were just a misunderstanding. You would have looked a psycho and scared him off.. all for nothing !
For the rest, instead , I agree. What would you want to do, take him back, or beg him back, so that he can bullshit you a little more ?...
Chalk it up to experience , and move on. And count yourself lucky , that you have reached your age without ever having met a womanizer before ( at least so I guess, judging from your reactions ).
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Why do you feel guilt?
Because you got mad at someone when you discovered they were being dishonest with you?
You are allowed to get angry...it's called defending yourself and not letting people treat you like dirt.
He called out he loved you as you were leaving??
If he loves you, it makes me wonder how many of them other ladies he's been texting that he has declared love to??...
Im guessing quite a few.
Are you that insecure and desperate that you would let a man do this to you?
I think I would have shoved that phone up his ...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): I will confront him about it. You said you read the messages..are they recently?? If so.. nothing to do. Leave him. Move on. He is not into you.
...............................
|
