A
female
age
51-59,
*ared down
writes:i know im in trouble. i even know how i got here. i just dont know how to stop. im a girl who is an artist and i enjoy the company of artistic feeling when it comes to love; sensuality, beauty, emotional feeling and connection, spunk and spirit. im not really the kind of person to spend time with someone who lives in the suburbs and has a 9-5 job. i only am attracted to a guy who is youthful in spirit or has a boysish streak--whether he is young or old. i can only feel safe enough to get to sex when im spending time with someone who isnt trying to, with too much overt effort, get to sex, you know? when i started to notice boys in school, there were the ones leaning on the heater in the hall, leering at girls as they walked past and the ones who only wanted to hold your hand at your locker because their interest was genuine. i cant stop falling for these types.after 35 i started to find that most of the men i ended up meeting were in their 20's. they liked me for the maturity of me but yet im still really fun and open to talk to. they could talk about their feeings without feeling like they had to be on guard all the time. they find compassion with me, they love my curves, as opposed to girls their age who were very intent on being skinny. we always have a connection and emotional bond. and the sex is amazing, its deep, passionate, and wild. then--because im 8, 10, 15 years older than they are--and im the kind of person who gets attached to someone im with in a deep intimate sexual relationship--i end up being rejected. most often its within a short amount of time--a few months to a season that the connection lasts. before i know it, ive attached to the person and i feel as devastated when they pull away as i would someone my age i was involved with. to make matters worse, i have a child. and im with my child every evening and have been for seven years. my means to meet people has grown to a trikle. i cannot date in a normal way nor can i afford to pay someone ten an hour each time i want to try to go out to meet someone. bars are a joke for meeting someone to have a relaitonship with and there arent too many other places to meet potential mates. i have no family to watch my child and my seclusion with work and raising a special needs chiold on my own has all but eliminated regualr friendhsips. i am so lonley in the whole of these last seven years that my available time is spent on trying to expereince love as i can find it, as i enjoy it..for the sensuality, the emotional bond. i work for msyelf to pay for the house and all bills, and i work alone. ive found my primary venue for meeting people is on line sites. over the years ive come to beleive that few un broken people my age exist online. its an easy venue for those who have drug and alcohol issues or mental health issues to write a profile and present themselves well. i have met gorgeous guys my age only to tell me they've never been in love becasue of their imntimacy hang ups. ive met awesome guys my age who have erectile dysfunction--and arent willign to treat it. ive met guys who are on the verge of being homless, guys with kids who are collecting allimony from their x wives as they try go back to school--all really not what im looking for scanarios. then there have been so many men who have major drug/alcohol/dui issues that they are seldom up front with. it can take a minute to figure out your spending time with someone who is your age but has a defined reason they are single. so im drawn to younger men because they dont have these long standing problems--but they arent going to give me the long term love i ultimately seek, or the family feel i wish to provide for my child. i know this going in, but usually it has been so long that ive been starved for intimacy in my life that i make an exception and tell myself i wont get attached. i am just now involved with a 25 year old military man who is over ten years my junior. he pursued me and it was clear in his commiuncation that i was really speical to him. hes very shy so we spent alot of time together just doing things in easy silence. we grew close. and he became someone who did things with myself and child. we developed an emotional bond that defied the age difference and the closeness we felt seemed timeless. we didnt go but a few nights without spending the night together. he used to twine his fingers thru mine while we slept or rest a palm on my hip. he went away for two weeks to a military training [hes been in for 6 years]--complete with co eds. he's been back about a week and we have spent only one night together. that night he didnt spoon me! i remember feeling like i was in bed alone because he slept hard and wasnt cuddly. i learned that there were times during his two weeks away that he spent at his apartment--which is not even 15 minutes from me--and he didnt let me know he was there. i felt hurt. when asked about it, he explained he was so tired from the military training he was really just at his place to shower and sleep. but this feels of course, fishy. while you can understand it from a logical place, love and closeness arent logical and noone who has been away for 10 days from someone they really want is going to spend several nights at their apaartment without making an efffort to let them know. it feels horrible to have followed his lead into soemthing and beleived his words that he wanted me, only to feel this complete contrast. his take is that he will get back up to the level we once were, but that military training engaged another side of him and now that hes back after two weeks away, he needs to catch up with so much: me time and his apartment and lining up worko. to this i say: it feels gone. i mean if someone wants to spend the night with you after ten, they crawl into bed and sleep. at this point, his miliaty time took him away for two weeks and this past week ive seen him for only one night. that is a total of 2 nights in a 21 day period. reader what do you think?and further, to deal with my overall idiotic issue:is the trick to stop opening myself up to a much younger person--even if they pursue me and the connection/feeling elemant is strong and what i look for? or is it to grasp that these intense type of relations are written in the stars, they work as muse type things that arent meant to be long lasting stars but blazing commets. also, please be kind in your answers. its not lost on me how it looks from the outside that id be spending time with younger men. but im a professional artist and open minds and creative types are what inspire me, i also look super young for my age and do alot of things naturally on my own that defy my age, i just dont relate to people who are almost 40 living in suburbs and with very practicle lives. i traveled and lived abroad and even hitchhiked when younger on islands. ive had am amazing life and i find that older men just arent able to relate or keep my interest. i love the slow unfolding beauty of a love affair based on cereberal, emotional and physical planes and i just have not been able to find that with regular people my age--and ive tried..ive dated more bankers and cheno wearing golfers than i care to admit.
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female
reader, pared down +, writes (26 June 2012):
pared down is verified as being by the original poster of the question update:
ive since distanced myself from the young military guy I wrote about, having seen so many of your comments reflected in his behavior and taking stock in the depleted way it makes me feel. this empty, scared feeling ive come to adopt isnt how i want to be for myself--and im sure from the outside, he can sense or feel it and that def isnt something that anyone wants to get close to. so i havent seen him for a few days, i havent allowed myself to call him and ive made strides toward putting that emotional clampdown distance between us--which hes already done by pulling back, sending less romantic messages and not seeing me as much. he texted me tonight but i didnt respond. i honestly feel like he is more than likely spending time with another girl--and just simply not wanting to tell me. we used to go not two nights without spending a night together--him initiating and now we have seen one another only twice this last week--his call. so its me that has to catch up with the less and less contact he set into motion. so its been good to not respond, i feel like its evening the field a bit. i obviously lost my footing and i would like to not feel as i have been. he did, i think, play a bit with me: he asked me to be exclusive with him, then once that fell into place, he turned around weeks later to say he thought of me as a good friend. uck. really not what a girl who has opened her heart upon request wants to hear. in the meantime, i led myself through some processing where i integrated alot of these points all of you made and raised my young guy IQ a few notches: deep connection aside, people are still instinctual animalistic beings, and men are wired for that challenge, that hunt, that person who is out of reach--such as a younger girl who is being pursued by many. in my dynamic with this young guy, i was at first really cautious, and he worked to open me up, [which could fit nicely with the low self esteem younger guy easier to get the attention of older girl thing where he could sense that if he extended himself, he could close the gap between us more quickly and with less risk of rejection] then he asked for me to be available to just him, now having been available, i am prob not seen with as much value--at least not in terms of how a guy who is really into a girl will pursue her when she is just out of reach. when you get older and more mature emotionally, you are able to still grant value to someone who becomes available to you. where as when your young, as soon as someones heart opens, you can feel it and it doesnt seem worth as much. so the update part: i've since met a really cool guy in his 30's who while still younger and potentially with the issues of one day wanting his own children, he is really keen on me--my smarts, my depth and my humor. hes very complimentary and communicative and its given me a point of reference to see how much i was willing to let slide in exchage for a myopicly deep experience with a single point of light: youth, beauty, freedom and great sex. the ultimate fantastic four! that cataclasmic explosive combination may not be present with anyone other than a much younger counter part because of the duelity of excitement from both a younger guy getting with an older girl and me, the older girl getting with a much younger guy. but someone who is closer to me on the development plane is going to appreciate who i am as a whole, be able to mirror my worth back to me and not set me into a slide after drawing me in, only to wane back out. thanks, all.
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (25 June 2012):
In my latest post I meant to say I can empathize with the OP. Spell-check picked the wrong word.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (25 June 2012):
To address the OP's latest follow up, I am a single father with primary custody of my daughter. So I know how difficult getting out for dates, or even meeting potential mates can be. I can emphasize when it comes to the cost of getting a sitter, too.Are you on any dating sites? I have found that the pay sites, such as Match and eHarmony, have a better percentage of people on them with their "act together" versus the free sites (Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid come to mind). You'll find fewer unemployed, still living with their parents types on the pay sites. Additionally, on the pay sites you are more likely to find people who are serious about finding someone for a long term relationship. Considering your schedule and limitations, it is a great way to meet many different people while you're at home or wherever, allowing you to be selective about who you actually go on a date with.Secondly, just to give some suggestions about types of guys, I see where someone who is more creative and artistic would be a better match given your inclinations. Believe me, not all of the 40-somethings of that nature are struggling musicians living with roommates, though. What about a guy who is into photography, or perhaps a graphics artist? Those are solid career paths for artistic, creative guys. I think if you expand your mind a bit, you'll see that not all of the artistic guys your age are loosers as you imply.Finally, one last bit of advice. I highly, highly recommend that for the first handful of dates, at least, you actually make the guy take you out. The problem with starting the "come over to my place / stay in" routine too early is that the guys begin to see you as a booty call, not that the two of you are dating... and certainly not that you're in a relationship. I'm not saying you need to put guys through all sorts of challenges, but if you seek a LTR then you need to make the guys work at least a little bit. That's the only way you'll weed out the ones who aren't serious, in other words the ones who keep breaking your heart.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 June 2012):
 Younger men lack the maturity and the depth that an older man has. They have not lived enough to appreciate the kind of art and movies you are talking about. I also refuse to believe that every practical man living in the suburbs are into sports, beer and sleeping. I won't expect that my man to have perfect pitch, but I do think bonding is a universal need, and not exclusive to only artists. We may not have the practice with people in daily superficial contact, but once we find that person we will develop vocabulary to talk about things that really matter.
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A
female
reader, pared down +, writes (23 June 2012):
pared down is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for these answers. just to clarify; i very much want a ltr, one that has the elemants of sensuality, emotional depth, closeness and excitement. i have no problem being with people my age or older the problem i have is that i do not find anyone my age or older who is artistic. i also am not with a life where im with the freedom to just be out to meet men who might work for a ltr. i work for myself and have a child who im with every eve. while i can pay for sitting, it gets very expensive to go out in the eve just to try to meet someone, so i have an added layer of isolation. the issues is many layers, one being that many men are sports fans, they shop, do practicle stuff, go out with friends..none of which holds any artisitc elemant to it. you cannot speak with them about literature, art, dance, alternative movies, psychology or human behavior, or anything that is part of who i am as a person..so despite us being close in age, what im finding is that the area of not being able to have a relationship is about nothing internaly intersecting us. i need and enjoy sharing feelings, depth and emotion with another. as an internalized woman, if i cannot find a line in to an externalized man, we arent going to have any bond. men who are my age and are artisitc, often tend to be muscicians, artists of sorts, working coffee shop jobs and having never moved out of a apartment with roomates. i have been approached by many many artistic guys my age who would love to be with me--because i have a house and a car and they are getting evicted and just got a dui! so these guys arent options, this level of baggage is not something a girl should ever take on with a man. they arent going to have anything to offer bc they have had years to elevate their lives but for whatever reason, have not been able to do so. that leaves this smaller group of men who are single, without these deep cracks and who also are close to their feeling and emotion. i now understand from your answers..that anyone like this will more than likely never be anything more than a few months of sexual emotional bonding and more months of agony from the loss of it gone before i was ready. i also am seeing that it is causing more damage to me to enter into these exciting relationships than it may be giving me in the short term. when a 'normal' relationship ends, there is layers of reasons or sometimes just a single blaring one. when these types of relaitonships wane, it is because of the differences and what i do to myself is internalize the endings as rejection of my beauty, my body, my self. i am causing myself mondo harm here because im laying the cause of the ending on me, not on the universal fact that the bond we have in my bed at night isnt soemthing that transcends to daylight! i also got alot out of the point that the man who loves to see me at my place and have a relationship with me at my home [which is what works for me because im not free to be out] is also not going to be taking me out and being seen with me because it looks bad on them. this was very good insight. painful for sure but really good.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): to pared down,Your second post is very insightful and accurate. For several years I was with a guy much younger than I. It was on and off. For the last year, the relationship is friends and not sexual. This was his choice because he felt guilty due to religious reasons. In the beginning, he said he didn't want kids, ever. Now he talks like "when I have kids I'm gonna do xxx with them." He has always told me that he is not the marrying kind and to not get too serious with him.For him, the "relationship" worked because deep down inside he didn't see the permanence in the relationship and pretty much assumed if he couldn't, I shouldn't.Like you posted, he had a confidence issue. He had been burned 15 years earlier and has never been in a relationship since. I have probably now given him the confidence and love he was needing. Plus he is getting religious guidance and it is only a matter of time before he is in a "real relationship" with a younger woman...because he wants kids. Had he not come to this conclusion, it is possible he would have stayed with me. But I will say this, I have been dating guys my age (same feelings as you poster but I have had a few good experiences) and this younger guy is jealous and actually pulls me away from even talking with other guys. As my daughter says, "he wants me but he doesn't want me and he doesn't want me to want anyone else."Your comment about the guy going into the relationship knowing what he was getting out of it might be a little wrong. I believe the guy with the older woman probably does truly care for her and he probably himself doesn't know why he is attracted to her. I believe there is real attraction and a real connection. But if the guy has low self esteem and confidence-that is why he will NOT pursue a long term relationship with you. He doesn't have the courage to present your relationship to society. He can't take the sneers and stares and talk. That is the case with the guy I have selected.I do believe there is something in the poster's comment about why you are choosing these relationships. They won't work long term, maybe you don't want them to. Maybe they weren't meant to. Maybe they are meant to give you confidence? But in the end, these relationships deplete you when they shouldn't. Please don't let the endings be about you not being xxx enough. They end because they weren't meant to be. All endings hurt. But there was good in every relationship, right? Take the good. You have a lot to offer.Best of all to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): Sounds like you are very young at heart, that's why younger guys attract u.I m married, so I'm not out there looking, but from now and then men hit on me when I m out with girls, or sometimes even when my husband steps away when we are out together:).I m also in my 40s, good shape and so on, guys that hit on me sometimes are in their 20s, mostly 30s. Older men for some reason like much younger girls, so I really don't see much I interest from men my age ol older.Once I kind of befriended this gorgeous young fellow, who for some reason concluded that my friendlinest will get him somewhere, and before he even suggested a sexual encounter, he negotiated with me several rules, which was really amusing for me: he just wants a fling, because he is so much younger, he doesn't want even do anything remotedly reflecting dating because he is young, he would invite me to his house with me driving because he is soooo young, he doesn't want any drama because ,you know, he is so young and I'm so much older, of course.Poor boy, I just started laughing. Despite the fact that he was so young and beatifull he was not given slack, I stoped being friends with him. He also had a habit of saying things like :when was the last time you were hit on by a guy my age. It was just silly. So, I'm leading to, don't you want to have someone equal to you with your life experience, from your era, not some young guy who one day will realize that he wants kids and drop you as it never happened at all?Yes, older guys come with baggage, but so do you. Some people call it life that happened. Anyway I wish you good luck, but in my mind you are in for quite a struggle with these younger dudes.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 A youthful spirit, boyish streak, and creative type does not necessarily equate to long-term love and committment. You know that by now. If you like that type, accept the guys for what they contribute to your life and know that at some point they might move on. Perhaps your attraction to this type of man is telling you something about yourself. Maybe you do not really want or intend to settle down in a committed relationship. Maybe you like meeting these men, enjoy their company, and the fact they won't stay is part of the allure and attraction. Afterall, if you end up in a committed relationship you have that old idea of familiarity, day-to-day monotony, etc. Like you said, I think these types of relationships work as a muse and aren't meant to necessarily be long-lasting. I think this is particularly true when older men do not keep your interest for long. I remember someone on here say that youthfulness is often fickle...and I believe the type of man you see most often may be the same. One thing that might help you is not to go to bed with them...see how things progress without going to bed. But then, that ruins half of the experience. I think you have what you seek. You say yourself that you can't relate to people your age, so why not enjoy what you have and not concern yourself with a long-term relationship. I almost think a long-term relationship would bore you and tie you down.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (22 June 2012):
 I met my husband when he was 24 and I was 40. We didn't start out with romantic relationship, though. We had a lot in common and enjoyed each others company, so we became friends. The romance slowly blossomed over a three year period. Last April, we celebrated out seventh wedding anniversary.
Under the right circumstances, and with the right personality combinations, it can absolutely work. I just depends on what each of you is looking for in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (22 June 2012):
I may take some flak for this, but I'm here to give my honest and unfiltered opinions and advice, so here it goes...
I am 36 and have been single on and off for the last few years. When I first "hit the market" again after a 10 year marriage, what struck me as a surprise was the number of older women pursuing me. By older I mean 5+ years older than myself. Some of these women have been quite aggressive in their pursuit, too. I can't say exactly what the nexus is, but the cougar lifestyle has definitely hit the mainstream. So in that sense the OP is not unusual at all, there are a lot of women out there who are seeking a younger man.
As was pointed out already, I'd suspect that generally speaking the guys who will go for an older woman do so in part because they don't have the confidence to pursue a younger one / one their own age. Perhaps another reason is that they may feel they'll have to work harder with a younger woman to escalate sexually. Young women generally get hit on continually, some even if they're wearing a ring. Their guard is up most of the time as a result. Older women get relatively less attention, so they can get really turned on when a younger guy shows interest. That means their defenses are easier to penetrate.
In my particular case I know that if I settle down again it will be with a woman younger than myself. I've decided if I get married a second time, the main purpose will be to have a family. I have many peers in my age group, a lot of them have never been married, who are like minded. I don't think it is all that unusual for a man to get into his early to mid 30's before he starts thinking about practical things like marriage and children, as they're focused on education, career and having fun up until that point.
The end result is that older woman / younger man relationships face some pretty big obstacles when it comes to long term prospects. If the guy is just having some fun or just going through a confidence crisis, he will eventually lose interest and move on. If the guy decides he wants his own family, again he will likely move on.
Finally, as to the notion that older men have more baggage, whether it be alcoholism or children to support, I have no doubt that's true. However, the counterpart to that is women also have more baggage as they get older. We all change as the result of failed relationships. Maybe we become jaded, or we start to pigeon hole people based on a little information gained early on. The same things you notice in a man your own age, a man your own age notices in you. That's the advantage experience affords us.
I'll conclude with the advice I generally give to women who are apparently set on dating younger men - go into it enjoying every moment, and try to prepare yourself for it ending suddenly at some point, because the odds are that's the likely outcome. If you want to increase the chance of a lasting relationship, then the two things to look for are a man who either never wants children or one who already has had one or more and doesn't want additional ones. If he's had a vasectomy that's ideal. Keep in mind, though, that such a man also tends to have more of a player's mindset rather than be the settling down kind.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 I can also totally relate to your situation and I also enjoyed reading your story as it was beautifully expressed.
I am 47, I have been divorced for 8 years and since divorce I have dated a few men all apart from one, who have been younger than me. I, like you keep in shape and look much younger than my age (but pretty sure it's all gonna hit the deck some day soon lol)
The men I have dated have all been 3-6 years younger than me, one relationship lasted two and a half years and that one in particular almost killed me when it ended (he left for a younger woman).
I, like you have found that the men I have come into contact with come with an array of problems, debt, infidelity history, drink problems, family and ex problems...it is totally fair to say that this is the norm rather than a minority thing. Many of these problems were only revealed or discovered after forming an attachment to the chap and it is always painful to discover that Prince Charming, ain't so charming.
I started getting choosy and cautious, holding back from being too generous or rushing into a sexual relationship, but there is only so long that you can hold off and it is usually after sex has taken place that 'he' has had his conquest, the novelty wears off and the cracks begin to show.
I dated someone recently (years younger)nice guy, happy, funny, nice looking (very), held back a little and he convinced me that he wanted a relationship with me...then discovered he had massive debts on credit cards, was about to lose his home and told me if he could not move in with me (after knowing him only a couple of months), he'd have to move over 90 miles away to live with his mother!!!! (no pressure). I ended things with him as I did not want a LDR and felt he had manipulated me.
I think dating and relationships have changed, things are so much more casual now, people do not have to invest too deeply (although some people still want to). The internet has provided a feast for the ego for men of all ages and the competition is tough.
It's very hard to cut through all the crap to find that one perfect person, but there should always be some hope because without hope we cannot live.
Your perchant for much younger guys fuels your desires but does not fulfil your dreams, so something's gotta give to make you explore other avenues or examine your life for other pathways to happiness which do not necessarilly make man your goal but may bring you into contact with Mr Right along the way.
You are artistic and articulate, do you get involved in artists groups or exhibitions?, Do you teach or share your passions with other like minded folk? Sharing your talent and skill might be a way of reaching out to new groups of people and that may bring opportunities to meet men who you would not normally consider...Just an idea.
I do sympathise. I, myself have set dating down for now...I actually haven't had that many dates with different guys but already I am quite weary of the whole set up.
I do not really mind now if I do remain single for the rest of my life. I enjoy my single life (sometimes a bit too much)and am grateful that I am finacially secure, have brilliant friends, and a loving family...I also love the freedom, but I understand that for most women, the single life past 40 is terrifyingly sad.
Do not give up hope, but do make some changes in your life so you are not making the desire to be in a relationship into an intense and unachievable NEED...Try to relax, spread your net a little wider and see what happens...
Life is good (even when it's a bit lonely, the sun will still shine on you).
xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 My younger man is 39. We are getting married in October.
I am 52.
I think that some younger men are after older women for the wrong reasons (easy sex etc) but there are some that actually prefer the company of older women.
For my fiance it was about not wanting children and mine are grown (and closer to his age than he is to mine) and the fact that we met gaming which we both like was our common interest...
I am a big believer in the fact that personalities are not totally age related as some men mature early just like some women mature late....
Is it possible that you are attracted to a particular type of MAN (age notwithstanding)and that's the issue not so much as their age? I just hate to make judgements about an entire group of people based on ONE criteria.
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A
female
reader, pared down +, writes (22 June 2012):
pared down is verified as being by the original poster of the questionahhh, so you're saying [kind of in essence, anyway] that a younger man who goes for a older girl is doing so because shes easier to talk to [younger girls are constantly being pursued and older woman arent so they are easier to strike up a connection with] and then its easier to get out of,,becasue duh, shes alot older. so the younger guy with older girl gives the guy some needed confidence that he then transfer to his pursuit of a girl closer to his age bracket..one he might have been too shy or too low in his self esteem to approach. so its a temp win for someone like me followed up by a low chaser that brings me lower and lover each time it happens? and thats becasue i interpret his departure as it me not being enough..ie, if i was pretty enough, had enough beauty, he would be intoxicated to the point of staying in the bond. but that is NEVER going to happen because he ultimaetly needs the older woman to restore his sense of confidence so he can then PURsue the younger girl..which is going to be the dynamic alot of guys naturally go for..being the pursuer, while the girl is hard to get and he has to work a bit to get her to be all his. that makes complete and total sense, it explains why these great things always leave and it almost helps me beleive that it has nothing to do with anything i have any control over--ie, my looks, beauty, etc. it helps me see that i am in effect exchanging my own self power and self confidence when i get close to a young man and love him--becasue he is simply going to take what i have given him, restore his sense of proess and go off for the hunt of a younger chick. ding ding ding. im going to be left feeling empty and not fully understand why. im depleting my marrow in these exchanges arent i? im fully opening to the emotional places that these feelings pry open but then because there is a unspoken agenda by one party, there is never going to be the other there with me. its like loving a ghost.
thanks for that insight.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): Dear OP,I know what r u saying..I am 34 yrs old female.i take care about myself and i am very healthy woman..i look good..i was married for four years to a man older than me.... last only for a year...not kids...i was devastated...we decided to be separated...in that time i did travel a lot outside of the country....then i realized dating younger guys was everything that i was missing....i been meeting from 19's to 30's...enjoying everyones company..but i met this one 20 yrs old...and i am crazy about it...is something that i can not explain...i just feel conected in soo many ways...i am not talking sexually..we spent a lot of time together before that..thats what makes me feel the best in my life...the genuine of the feelings..the quality time doing things together before intimate...what u say about your military guy shows just he is not into you like you think.I know my boy of course share time with girls younger than me....but what can I do?? I realise that I am not going to be worried about what he does when he is not with me....that hurts a lot.I think we are condened to be single for ever..seriously.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 June 2012):
You are not alone. I understand the classic struggle between passion vs practicality. I enjoyed reading your story. You express yourself well and your writing reflects your artistic flair. I don't want to treat this as entertainment and I really do want to give you advice. What you write is very true. You left out an age group, which is men 5-7 years young than you. I read their profiles and they were like: I would NOT want children. That would limit me to few potential partners but I better be honest from the start and not waste anybody's time. Also women who have more than 2 kids, move on. Women who have babies popping out and collecting welfare, move on. These are the exact words. You see the bitterness and if just makes you want to give up dating altogether. I am not exaggerating but I think better men would go to better websites so they are not associated with or in the same rank as other losers.
I do not socialize so the only way I connect is through online. I do sometimes get approached in a public space. I am not into younger men though. Young men who are into older women are those who have confidence problems getting younger girls and they think it's easier to get with an older women. In general cougars are not as respected by younger men.
The only way I would change about my life is to upgrade myself. I am thinking about going back to school to up my income level. I also think your expectations are too high. Your feeling that men living a practical life in the suburbs are boring is not going to help you. You may be all the spice that they need and they will certainly appreciate you.
I am artistic too, a pianist so I understand you not enjoying life here. The things you are looking for just aren't here on earth. I know what wrong planet syndrome feels like.
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