Do I need help to get over my depression and my huge crush on a dead rock star?
Q. So here's my problem... There is this guitarist who I absolutely adore, and I feel as though my love of him is starting to become an issue for me. My taste in music is somewhat bizarre, and he and his former band are the only people who have eve...
A. 15 October 2013: Thank you for your post! I remember you from last year! I'm so glad that you were able to find your way. I'm sure you're far from "arriving", but you channeled it into making the world a better place through your music.
All my best to you!... (read in full...)
He's not interested in providing for me if he passes away. Is he being selfish?
Q. Hi I remarried in May this year, we both have grown up kids,I have 4 he has 2, He owns our house,and is buying another house to rent out, we have no life insurance, and Im worried that if he dies before me, I will have nothing,he always said his...
A. 16 October 2012: Okay. I actually looked up UK law regarding inheritance and succession laws when it comes to surviving spouses and wills specifically applying to real estate as well as other things.
First of all, your grown children have no rights to his esta... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to stay with a woman, even if you do not see long term potential?
Q. Basically, my GF of 2 years cheated on me with a stranger. She denied cheating and lied to my face until I confronted her with circumstantial evidence that eventually made her confess. Although she denies having sexual intercourse, she...
A. 16 October 2012: You're not over what she did to you. You want to punish her by devaluing and debasing her. Otherwise, you'd leave her and get on with your life. No, you consider her "cheap" after what she did to you, and you want to get back at her by using her. ... (read in full...)
Do I need help to get over my depression and my huge crush on a dead rock star?
Q. So here's my problem... There is this guitarist who I absolutely adore, and I feel as though my love of him is starting to become an issue for me. My taste in music is somewhat bizarre, and he and his former band are the only people who have eve...
A. 16 October 2012: Glad I could help! That's what this site is here for!... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to stay with a woman, even if you do not see long term potential?
Q. Basically, my GF of 2 years cheated on me with a stranger. She denied cheating and lied to my face until I confronted her with circumstantial evidence that eventually made her confess. Although she denies having sexual intercourse, she...
A. 16 October 2012: Does *she* know you feel that way? Yes, she did the lowest of the low by cheating on you, and oral sex is still cheating. However, if you see her only as a casual outlet for sex until something better comes along, you better tell her that. ... (read in full...)
Drinking: How much is too much?
Q. I know this is not a relationship question, but i dont know where else to ask and i have posted stuff on here before and i like the amount of help i have received so i would like to try to get some help. This is about my life and drinking. I am c...
A. 16 October 2012: Your solution can be found in your own words here:
You said this:
"I know i have a hard time setting limits on myself "
And this:
"I have this feeling of shame because i know it hurts them to know that i drink, and they worry that i mig... (read in full...)
I got too sexual with my flirty texts, now she doesn't want to know me.
Q. hi, I really like this beautiful young lady that goes to my church and she has told me that she likes me also .The problem that I have is we have been talking to each other and texting other for the 4 or 5 months and everything has ...
A. 15 October 2012: Heh, there's a glaringly obvious mistake you made here that answers pretty much everything here:
You're trying to build a relationship with this woman not by asking her out and getting to know her, but by inviting her to your house and making s... (read in full...)
Do I need help to get over my depression and my huge crush on a dead rock star?
Q. So here's my problem... There is this guitarist who I absolutely adore, and I feel as though my love of him is starting to become an issue for me. My taste in music is somewhat bizarre, and he and his former band are the only people who have eve...
A. 15 October 2012: Not a problem! Music is the greatest of outlets for these kinds of things, but I freely admit that I'm very biased when it comes to songwriting and composing.
You're right about phases or strong emotions bringing out the most creative and mean... (read in full...)
I dumped my married lover when I found out about another woman, I think his wife needs to be told!
Q. I am married and had an affair with a married man. We're both in our early 50's. For four years. I've been needing to end it. He ended it, after some bad behaviour on my part, and well, I just got really angry. It wasn't some soulmate thing, it ...
A. 15 October 2012: If this was just egoist recreation for you and you weren't emotionally attached to him, why are you so angry? Is it because you got caught by your own husband?? That's not on your married lover. That's on you.
If this guy has had a 20+ year lif... (read in full...)
Do I need help to get over my depression and my huge crush on a dead rock star?
Q. So here's my problem... There is this guitarist who I absolutely adore, and I feel as though my love of him is starting to become an issue for me. My taste in music is somewhat bizarre, and he and his former band are the only people who have eve...
A. 15 October 2012: You don't need help unless you feel yourself becoming obsessed over the guy to the point where it's interfering with your life, causing crippling depression, causing unhealthy obsession, or whatever.
We all tend to connect with certain entertai... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work between 2 people like this? me - never used drugs. him - clean now, but used to use every drug imaginable!
Q. I need some input from people who have understanding of drug addicts. I'm in a relationship with a man my age who used to be a drug addict. He started in his teen until his mid 20s and has done pot, acid, cocaine, ecstasy but heroin was his bigg...
A. 15 October 2012: I wanted to comment on something you said:
"I mean, this guys spent years indulging and putting pleasure first, living in a wolrd where he was constantly high and enjoying social experiences while doing it."
The truth is, he lived in hell, o... (read in full...)
I'm embarassed about how I look - should I cancel my date?
Q. Hello Everyone, I met a guy online a week ago, and we hit it off really well, and have now started speaking via mobile phone, he seems nice and there seems to be a positive connection. We've scheduled to meet each other for the first time next Sa...
A. 15 October 2012: If you Skyped with this guy and used a webcam, you have nothing to worry about! The guy saw you and wants to date you!
Don't postpone your date. Sure, keep doing things to increase your health and well-being, sure! But don't postpone living t... (read in full...)
I'm embarassed about how I look - should I cancel my date?
Q. Hello Everyone, I met a guy online a week ago, and we hit it off really well, and have now started speaking via mobile phone, he seems nice and there seems to be a positive connection. We've scheduled to meet each other for the first time next Sa...
A. 15 October 2012: If you Skyped with this guy and used a webcam, you have nothing to worry about! The guy saw you and wants to date you!
Don't postpone your date. Sure, keep doing things to increase your health and well-being, sure! But don't postpone living t... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is upset our porn movie has been posted online.
Q. My girlfriend is a sweet, amazing girl but very shy 21 year old. She was in a few very bad relationships before we met and has some trust issues from being hurt in the past. I had always wanted to make a sex tape but never did because ...
A. 15 October 2012: You're in the US. If you really mean what you say about protecting your girlfriend, you better be prepared to pay for a lawyer. You need a cease and desist (DMCA Notice and Take-Down) action taken against the site plus civil and criminal action ... (read in full...)
Do I stay or go? Our relationship is one sided and there is no sex. Even though sex isn't everything
Q. Ok so been seeing this girl for 7 months first as a friend. I asked her out after 2 months. She said she needed to talk to her brother to ask if it was ok but she never did ask. After 3 months of hanging out we finally had sex Then one night wh...
A. 14 October 2012: "Also one more she now isn't talking to me if I do decide to break up with her how do I get her to answer her phone so I can at least tell her in person.."
Actually, I think she's just made the decision for you. You might want to move on. ... (read in full...)
Did he lose interest in me? Relationship going downhill. Help!
Q. Hey guys soo I have a really good boyfriend he's respectful and sweet and caring but I still feel kind of unwanted and unimportant to him lately, he spends little time with me and more time with other girls and guy friends and he always seems to ...
A. 13 October 2012: It's tough to know exactly how to advise you because I don't know how much time he's spending with you now as opposed to before. Every relationship has ebbs and flows, meaning there will be time when you don't stay in constant contact and see each ... (read in full...)
Do some people throw away their real relationship for the sake of online affairs?
Q. I am wondering after ending a relationship due to his compulsive cyber cheating, whether it can be seen as something addictive. I have noticed a lot of questions on here about it. Do some people throw away their real relationship for the sake of ...
A. 13 October 2012: It's as addictive as real life serial cheating, and just as serious of an issue. I've personally known two people who blew up real life relationships with online affairs (one broke up a marriage, one was a long-term common law relationship). In ... (read in full...)
Why would a guy break off friends with benefits?
Q. I have been hooking up with this guy for three months. Back then we agreed to keep it simple - no emotions, and if someone wanted to stop they would tell the other straight up I am a modest person by nature, but I feel like I need to mention ...
A. 10 October 2012: It could be anything from stress to his being interested in someone else. A lot of times, when a guy meets a girl that he has feelings for, his appetite for casual sex diminishes, even if he's not currently with the girl he's interested in.
Eithe... (read in full...)
I fantasise about ugly old men! Is this normal?
Q. I'm a 31 year old female in a relationship with a man a couple of years younger than me. But, by far one of my most potent sexual fantasies involves far older men, usually 60+, having sex with me or other women in their 20s or 30s. Usually the ...
A. 10 October 2012: It's common for women to be attracted to older men, sure. But it's not common for a woman to say about that attraction "The uglier" unless it's either a fetish that someone's ashamed of admitting and they really don't consider older men ugly, OR ... (read in full...)
Can relationships last and be enjoyable in the platonic stage for an extended period? I just dislike all the emphasis on sex everywhere.
Q. (I'd be most appreciative if somebody could reply ASAP) I've never been the best person to talk about sex, as it upsets me to talk about it. I've been in a relationship for just over 3 months now (not thinking about sex, don't worry) but I'm just...
A. 10 October 2012: Actually, I really like this question. Just to clarify, a relationship is platonic if there are no romantic feelings. A relationship can be romantic and still not involve sex itself. A platonic friendship is one where there is no attraction wh... (read in full...)
I have a great g/f but I'm bored. Do I keep her or let her go?
Q. Here's the Story. I'v been With this girl for almost 2 years, And she treats me better then gold and It's hard to find a girl that good. but must have gotten bored and my gf isn't big but she has curves I like thin in shape girls. Her sister i...
A. 8 October 2012: What's worse than cheating?
You may think that nothing is, but there's a list of things that even break man-law when it comes to cheating.
1. Cheating on your pregnant wife/girlfriend
2. Cheating on your girl who has a terminal illness
3.... (read in full...)
I don't like her past and think she lies to spare my feelings
Q. help me, am a guy and am having a really hard time with my gf past she recently confessed she has been with 20 man from the time she was 20 to 26 and its really bothering me i feel so desperate and bothered by the fact has given herself to all these ...
A. 8 October 2012: This about this logically. If she's told you all of the sordid details about her past sexual history when she absolutely didn't have to, and I would have strongly advised against it in the first place, then why would you think she's lying?
If sh... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is terrible at performing oral sex
Q. Here's the thing - my boyfriend is great but....he's rubbish at giving me oral sex! I've tried giving him subtle pointers but he just seems to ignore them, and then gets annoyed when he can't please me. I dont want to take oral sex off the menu, but ...
A. 7 October 2012: You're right not to fake things to assuage his ego, and it's his ego that gets him annoyed.
How are you giving him pointers? And, can you give yourself an orgasm? Are there other ways besides oral that he can please you?
I think you should... (read in full...)
Fingering was not pleasant for me!
Q. So I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time, and it wasn't pleasurable at all. It was sore sort of and was like friction. I was wet. But I don't know whether it was his being dry or me being tight. Help! It's really putting me off doing it ...
A. 7 October 2012: Sorry in advance that this is going to be long.
What to do about this determines whether or not your boyfriend is teachable and willing to learn. If he's the type who gets offended at instruction or has a sensitive ego and doesn't like to be to... (read in full...)
My mom says he and I are flirting. So is this just friendly, on the part of my professor and how we behave together? Or is it more?
Q. Personally I think we are just being friendly, which is fine with me! He is married and like twice my age, so I'd never do anything with him I'm not stupid. Anyways I meet with him every once in a while and at first we were both awkward, but we a...
A. 7 October 2012: Sure, you could be flirting, and it's harmless now. Flirting feels good as long as the two of you don't cross a line.
A good rule to follow here when you're thinking about how you two interact is this: Would you feel comfortable interact... (read in full...)
I am disgusted with my Bf. He is a hypocrite. He's warned me against drugs, yet he does them. Do I have a right to be angry?
Q. I called my boyfriend today and he was high - im so disgusted he was even doing it in the first place, but it makes it worse because I know If I were to do that he would lose it. He's made it clear to me he never wants me to do it!! Do I have a rig...
A. 7 October 2012: This one's really easy. He hates that he's an addict, and he cares about you enough to not want you to be caught in the addiction like he is. It's one of those "do as I say" moments, kinda like a smoker or an alcoholic mom begging and pleading ... (read in full...)
My ex posts horrible things about me on Facebook
Q. Can anyone help me on this topic please. My ex who I broke up with 9 Months ago is constantly writing derogatory remarks and twisted round versions about me on Facebook. There is no mention of name but it is written so everyone knows who it is she ...
A. 7 October 2012: Yeah, I'd agree with deleting and blocking your ex for starters. Also, the fact that she's so negative and keep on posting crap about a 9 month breakup reflects more on her than you, and I'm sure that she does lose friends here and there because no ... (read in full...)
I'm not handling this break well at all
Q. We were dating nine months. Things seemed great. We did have our issues, specifically I put off meeting her best friend, which was partially subconscious, partially related to my stresses about grad-work (I'm a writer), but bottom line I should have ...
A. 7 October 2012: Okay, this is exactly why the whole psychological "one week break", "One month break", "respect no-contact" stuff is pure rubbish.
You did the right thing by breaking up with her because she is toxic. Truth is, you were right to be wary of a mal... (read in full...)
I love my husband AND my lover!
Q. I have a situation here, need your help please. To cut the long story short, am married for 9 years. My husband is a good man, but there’s no passion, no sex, no children in our marriage. I met someone at my work place, we started off as friends, ...
A. 6 October 2012: It's interesting that this guy you had an affair with is now treating you the same way you're treating your husband. You're using your husband for security and status, and the guy you cheated on him with is using you for your body and doesn't care ... (read in full...)
My cousin's husband was shamelessly hitting on me and I told him to back off and yet somehow my cousin thinks I'M the desperate one who's flinging herself on a married man!
Q. Please help! Last month, my cousin's hd hit on me. they've been married for almost six years now, and i recently moved back home and live close to them (about ten minutes on foot), so i see them every day. they had a little family get together and...
A. 6 October 2012: I know this is horrible, not only with a creepy married man skeeving on you, but your cousin so much in denial that she must vilify you or suffer a nervous breakdown.
All you have to do is keep the evidence, show poise and grace and dignity,... (read in full...)
Video chatted for a few months. Then he claims I got weird? Should I be patient, or is something else going on here?
Q. He found me online this June. We haven't met in real life. For the past 3 months, we video chatted with each other almost everyday.(Just chat.) Most of the time he initiated the conversation. He's divorced for 2 years and is looking for a se...
A. 6 October 2012: I'm actually wondering if he has a local girlfriend, to be honest. This sort of behavior is common when an internet relationship fizzes out and one party gets distant all of a sudden.
You mentioned a "payback" visit? Did he visit you in real lif... (read in full...)
He blatantly stares at other women in front of me. How do I handle this situation?
Q. We've been around and around this issue of his staring. It's blatant, it's bad and I'm getting tired of it. We took a mini-vacation together. Just the other day he looked at the bum of a young woman as she turned to the cash register at a ga...
A. 6 October 2012: Yeah, he's ogling other women.
Don't take this as personally as you're doing though. All men look, but most men have the good manners not to make it obvious. Most guys can tell you that they are grateful for peripheral vision, because it's sav... (read in full...)
I'm not his Gf but I thought we were friends. Then he let me down. Should I bother to contact him again?
Q. I met this guy about a mouth ago. We got close and when he'd see me, he'd carry my bags. Pick me up and hug me in front of all of our friends. He'd always give me good advice. He's everything I wanted in someone. He's smart, humble, outgoing...
A. 6 October 2012: Sure, contact him again. This time YOU apologize to him and tell him that you've had a lot on your mind, and can you both start over?
Your ego got bruised that he was talking to another girl on Facebook after you two stopped talking on BBM. Yo... (read in full...)
Is it really all my fault? I don't want to hurt him. But he's sure hurt me.
Q. Hey aunts and uncles i guess i just really need your guys support on that im doing the right thing this is the worst i ever felt in my life... Heres my story i was with my bf for over a year we just broke up tonight we were on break prior to the b...
A. 6 October 2012: *YOU* need to grow some teeth.
Bipolar? IRRELEVANT.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? IRRELEVANT.
You need to drop him. He's cheating on you over and over and over again, and you have no future with him. Go back to your parents and finish your ... (read in full...)
Husband wasn't happy when I was heavier and now that I'm think he's STILL not happy!
Q. I'm at my wits end right now. A few years ago, my husband teased me relentlessly about my weight. At first it was funny and cute and I thought that as long as he still wanted me ,there really wasn't a problem. Then his comments regarding my wai...
A. 5 October 2012: Honeypie absolutely nailed it fantastic!
It was all about balance of power. It's really immature, that's for sure. When you were heavier, he could keep you down and thus dependent on his whim. His needling you about your weight was all about ke... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband with his best friend (out of revenge for my husband cheating on me) and had a baby which my husband thinks is his. Should I tell him the truth?
Q. I had an affair 2 years ago with my husbands best friend who is also married and got pregnant. I had the affair out of revenge for him cheating on me. Not that its an excuse I know it was still wrong. I know its his baby cause my husband had a ...
A. 5 October 2012: So what has your child done that warrants you to deny his parentage? You've justified "revenge" for cheating on your husband and subsequently lying about him having a child.
So why are you punishing the child? You're denying his true parentag... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband with his best friend (out of revenge for my husband cheating on me) and had a baby which my husband thinks is his. Should I tell him the truth?
Q. I had an affair 2 years ago with my husbands best friend who is also married and got pregnant. I had the affair out of revenge for him cheating on me. Not that its an excuse I know it was still wrong. I know its his baby cause my husband had a ...
A. 5 October 2012: Well, it's morally repugnant to lie to a guy about his parentage to a kid. If the child isn't his, then you should tell him so. If he finds out later in life, you could get sued for support for as many years that he took care of someone else's ... (read in full...)
The lack of sex and affection in our relationship is driving me mad!
Q. Hi people, thanks for your time, I am a 24 year old man in a relationship of 4 years with my 22 year old girlfriend. We've been living together for the past 2 years and have just moved into our new place. For the past year and a half my girlfriend ...
A. 5 October 2012: You need to sit down and talk to her about how you feel, I mean *really* how you feel. Sex is so often the hardest conversation to have between couples, and it's one of the top two relationship breakers (the other being money).
Don't have the... (read in full...)
Is it normal to not want sex at all one week? Yet another week Sex is all I can think of?
Q. Is it normal to not want sex? Last week, it was all I could think about. And this week, I have no desire for it. I mean, sometimes people go through a dry spell, where they don't have sex for a long period of time. This is almost the same, I gues...
A. 4 October 2012: That's very normal! Menstrual cycles aren't just for menstruation! Usually a week and a half to two weeks after the first day of menstruation, women ovulate, sending the egg from our ovaries to the uterus. For most of us, at this time, our ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 4 October 2012: "Putting kids in harm's way".
Sorry I wasn't clear enough.
As parents, no matter what, we protect our kids from some of the worst stress we as adults sometimes endure. What if the husband took the kids into the wife's office and caught the w... (read in full...)
How do I approach the trainer at my gym without looking desperate?
Q. How do I approach him? Will I look desperate if I do? This guy (trainer) at my gym is so cute. He's friendly to everyone and talks to everyone but me:(!! He's always looking at me. He's always in a place where I can see him and he c...
A. 4 October 2012: I would mostly concur with Ciar, especially the part about jettisoning the cheeseball lines (i.e. sexy, good smile, you don't bite unless he wants you to, etc.). You don't want to come off as offering yourself for casual sex.
However, if you've s... (read in full...)
We recently gave our virginity to each other but my boyfriend wants to wait before having sex again
Q. Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I (we are both 24) recently lost our virginity to each other. We talked about it together vaguely for about 2 months before, and seriously for about a month before we had sex. We have been seeing each other for a...
A. 4 October 2012: I think you're okay. Guys are very sensitive to their performance, and also, losing his virginity was a momentous thing for him too.
Just give him lots of love and affirmation. Tell him how incredible being close to him feels, and that you thin... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 4 October 2012: There's something else that bothered me about your post:
You have two kids under the age of 10...one of them being a 3-year old. Upon suspecting that your wife was cheating, you woke your kids up to bring them to your wife's place of business... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 4 October 2012: That sounds noble, EXCEPT that you've ALREADY cheated on her!!! You can't take a moral high ground since you've destroyed your relationship now!
Not only that, but you criticize her for working the long hours (and passing your marital loyalty ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my workaholic wife -- now what?
Q. I have been married for 10 years and have two kids under the age of 10. My wife recently was made an executive at her fortune 200 firm and has not been home much since. She leaves for work around 7 AM and most evenings she gets home after 10 PM. ...
A. 3 October 2012: You're asking whether or not you should honor your vows or stay with her and whatnot? Sorry, but you had that choice before you cheated, and you have now gone past the point of no return in terms of your choices.
I do not have any sympathy... (read in full...)
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