A
male
age
30-35,
*eep4lf
writes:Ok so been seeing this girl for 7 months first as a friend.I asked her out after 2 months.She said she needed to talk to her brother to ask if it was ok but she never did ask.After 3 months of hanging out we finally had sexThen one night where she was too drunk to drive home and I said no, you're staying on my couch and then that morning I said either you be my girlfriend or I'm done playing games. That morning she said ill be your girlfriend so it's been about 2 months since we have been dating but haven't had sex since that first time. I have talked to her about the sex but she seems like she doesn't want it, sex is something I want and need but don't know if I need to just walk away from this or not.I'm 20 and she's 24 I'm one of her first real boyfriends but she still won't tell her father and brother ( she doesn't talk to her mom so brother takes that place) . Sometimes the relationship seems like I'm doing all the work, I take her out on dates and pay for everything I open the door for her every time I pick up after every meal that we make, I'm the one telling everybody about this great girl that I'm with and hardly any of her friends/family know she's dating let alone that she's dating me. Totally random blurb here but looking for advice, I really like the girl but I feel like I'm just fooling myself into liking her because she's with me right now and I don't know that many other people that I'm friends with let alone any girls.Any comment is much appreciated
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 October 2012):
 "Also one more she now isn't talking to me if I do decide to break up with her how do I get her to answer her phone so I can at least tell her in person.."
Actually, I think she's just made the decision for you. You might want to move on.
A
male
reader, Jeep4lf +, writes (13 October 2012):
Jeep4lf is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo after some long thought today, I feel that I'm putting too much time into this girl and not getting much back, I've been through a lot of friend changes since I moved away from home and honestly I feel like none of them are my fault. I have a few friends but none that are best friends. But I seem to always put a lot of focus on a girl. And that's my biggest downfall because I could instead spend time doing more of the things I like to do, and find more friends. I really don't want to just break up with this girl... But I need to stop kidding myself. Does anybody know of a technique to keep yourself honest to yourself? Another question is how does a 20 year old get out and meet new people in an easy manner? Most of the things I do, (go 4x4ing, motorcycling, work) are not exactly good ways to meet people... Also one more she now isn't talking to me if I do decide to break up with her how do I get her to answer her phone so I can at least tell her in person...
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 Why won't she tell her brother and dad about? Are they very strict/ protective/ overbearing? And she doesn't speak to her mum.... sounds like her family is a bit odd.
Anyway, you're making a lot of effort for this girl. Maybe you could back off just a bit and make some effort making other friends. It might do you good all round. It's never a wise idea to get too emotionally dependent on just one person - we need friends as well as partners.
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A
female
reader, Just_Kay +, writes (13 October 2012):
 I agree with janniepeg that there is something that this woman is not telling you. If she is mentally stable enough to make her own decisions, but still defers to her family, then there is a problem there, and she may not be mature enough for the sort of relationship that you seem to want. If she's hiding you from her family and friends, then do you think that there is a chance that she could already be seeing somebody else? It may be something that you don't want to think about, but there has to be a reason that she doesn't want you to meet her family and friends, and I would say that that's probably one of the most common. You should talk to her about your concerns, but be careful. If she thinks you're giving her an ultimatum, she might just get upset, and you won't get any answers. Maybe you could just ask her why she hasn't taken you home to meet her family, or you could open with 'I'd really like to meet your family'?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 October 2012):
 It's hard to believe a 24 year old needs to talk to her brother about having a relationship. There is something she is not telling you, and I am guessing she is not mentally fit to be in a relationship. It's like she regressed into childhood and letting family members protect her, take over her life decisions. Never let her get too drunk or better yet don't let her touch alcohol. You are in trouble if the only time she allows sex is when she is totally drunk. I know everyone wants clarity but if I were you I would not ask anyone to be my girlfriend until I feel that we can be happy together. Maybe you thought asking her to be your girlfriend would disarm her and make her open up to you sexually. You can't take back your words but at least you need to set expectations and boundaries because if you have arguments with her in the future she and her family members will turn against you since she couldn't make up her own mind about what her wants and needs. Her family wants to make sure no guy would take advantage of her so if you feel that you can't be with her you need to let her go.
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