A
male
age
41-50,
*rent2
writes:My girlfriend is a sweet, amazing girl but very shy 21 year old. She was in a few very bad relationships before we met and has some trust issues from being hurt in the past. I had always wanted to make a sex tape but never did because I just didn't feel comfortable enough with any of the girls in y past. After lots of discussion and begging I finally convinced her to make an amateur video with me. I promised her that it would be between us and if we ever broke up she could have the copy. 3 months after making the video I got a call from a friend saying he couldnt believe I posted a video on a porn site. I had no idea what he was talking about and sure enough when he sent me the link it was the sex tape my gf and I had made and it was entitled "My roommate screws a hot girl". When I questioned my roomamte he confused that he stoel the tape and put it online. He thought it was funny. I had to sit my gf down and explain to her what happened and she was crushed, angry, hurt and ashamed that she made the tape and now it was out there for people to see. Its been almost a month since all this took place and she is just not the same.She cries all the time and says she hates herself for making the video. this morning she made a comment that made me feel like the worst guy ever. She said that she never wanted to make the tape in the first place but my begging and pleading made her feel like she owed me and did it to make me happy. I feel like such an ass. I promised her that I would protect her and instead I hurt her. The first time I asked her to make the tape she said no and I should have just left it at that instead of pressuring her to do.How can make this whole situation better ? What can I do to make her realize I never meant for anyone to see the tape[Moderator addendum: the flag is incorrect on the poster. The advice should be targeted to people who are in Canada.]
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broke up, crush, porn, roommate, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (22 October 2012):
you need to grow a pair, no offense. seriously, call the police and get your room mate reported. he is sick, to do such a thing to anyone let alone people he actually knows. to share a room with someone requires a certain amount of trust and he violated that in the worst way possible
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): I feel so very sorry for your girlfriend, I think that is beyond horrible. Your roommate should be sued, what an invasion of privacy. I hope he is no longer your roommate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): What your roommate did was about as harmless & funny as raping someone.
Go to the cops and charge him with stealing. That way at least you have some legal leverage to try to get the video pulled back off the net whenever you come across it.
But you will probably never get it off the net entirely. The best you can do is limit it. This kind of crime just keeps on giving forever. Its like an STI or credit rating damage. Your roommate only had the power to put it out there, he has no power to undo the damage now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): OMG this is so cruel. I can understand how she feels. Your friend is a jerk and I hope you have punched him. You are also to be blamed. Sorry but I don't think she will ever forgive you.
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A
female
reader, MissCommonSense  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Here's your dilema simplied for you. Roomate or girlfriend? If you chose roomate, you can kiss goodbye ot the girl and I hope she has the sense to report you to the police as technically as you now know about this and arent doing anything, you are part of this. If you choose the girl, you better stand by her and go to the police about your roomate. Simple.
Here's an added thought. The way you respond to this situation will change th way this girl sees you forever. Say you and her are serious. What do you think that girl is going to think of you knowing you wont stand up for her over something as horrendous as your kn0b head of a roomamte stole and has publicly breached her privacy?
I know which one I'd pick. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, trent2 +, writes (15 October 2012):
trent2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I know it was horrible of me to beg her ot do the tape in the first place but never once did I make her feel liek she had to.I would never threaten to break up with her just so she would do something. I thougth she was fine with doing it, she never gave any signs that she didnt want to and seemed to have fun doing it.
Yes I did brag to my roommate later about making the tape but it was NEVER my intension on it beign online ever. It was somethign I wanted to do for private for us not for the world to see. I had no idea that he woudl find the tape and post it.
As for my friend finding the clip online, it was sent to him by a coworker who recognized my gf from her work he had no idea that my friend and I even knew each other.
I have emailed the website several times and havent gotten any response. I called a lawyer this morning to set up an appointment to see what I can do to fix all of this. Like I said I never once wanted to hurt my gf. I love her and if I could change things i would
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I agree with EVERYTHING YouWish wrote.
You ought to be so ashamed of yourself. Kicking your room mate out is a bogus and meaningless gesture.
GO to the POLICE - Hire a lawyer and get the video taken down. Even though by now who knows how mean people have DOWNLOADED this VIDEO.
I can't believe she is still with you.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I agree with the other aunts, go to the police because this is a criminal matter and your rom mate needs to be prosecuted.
This girl is young and vulnerable. I can totally see how you manipulated her into making that tape, you probably threatened to end things if she didn't make it.
How can you even be thinking of continuing the relationship with her when such a vile and disgraceful thing has happened? By not going to the police, you make yourself culpable (which you are in a way, because you didn't take NO for an answer and you didn't protect the tape)
You are facing the possibility of criminal charges the longer you take to inform the police.
Do it NOW, TODAY!! STOP being selfish and thinking about how all this affects YOU and give that poor girl back some of her dignity.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2012):
 You're in the US. If you really mean what you say about protecting your girlfriend, you better be prepared to pay for a lawyer. You need a cease and desist (DMCA Notice and Take-Down) action taken against the site plus civil and criminal action taken against your roommate for stealing your property (including intellectual property) and posting without consent. This means you're paying the lawyer to get this done and get your girlfriend financially compensated for the emotional distress your roommate (and YOU for not locking up the sex tape in the first place) caused.
You're 30-35, so I'm going to be really hard on you here:
1. How did your roommate know a sex tape even existed? Did you tell him and brag about it?? Did you have it out in plain sight instead of locking it in a safe or password protecting it on your computer???
2. Are you insane?? Why did you even make one in the first place?? What was the point? You had a loving girlfriend who had sex with you without reservation and if you wanted to relive the moment, why not just have sex again??
3. How did your friend know to go to the same porn site and know it was you within 3 months of it being made?? Did you brag to your friend about that too, making the sex tape?? Did your roommate, upon hearing that you told him you made a sex tape, then brag to his friend??
This makes me think that you made this tape for outside attention. I wonder if this little "oops" wasn't what you wanted to have happen in the first place. The tape wasn't secure, and out of the bazillion porn sites out there, your friend happened to find the one with you on it?? There are 600 million videos with some stupid "hidden roommate sex" or some stupid crap in it.
You also used the term "make an amateur video with me". That very verbage you just used suggests that you viewed and considered it "porn" and not a "private sex tape".
Bottom line, you *should* feel like an ass. The only way to show real remorse is to spend some money, get your lawyer, and drive your roommate into the ground. But first, you have to shut your big mouth, don't tell your roommate you're about to take action against him, and get the lawyer and start getting it done. It's not often that you get to know who stole a sex tape from you.
BTW, do not ever even think of making another one. That's really creepy to begin with, and you obviously don't know the meaning of safe deposit boxes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): You should feel like the worst guy ever! You completely disrespected her wishes. NO MEANS NO! She didn't want to do it but you were only after what you wanted. You should most definitely press charges kn your roommate for taking your personal property as well as sue him for defamation of character etc.
If you want to continue the relationship with this woman, never ask her go do something she is uncomfortable with. People who love each other don't do that. If you are into that type of behavior, then find somebody else that is into that kind of thing. There are PLENTY that are. I really feel sorry for the poor girl. Her family and friends could view this tape. R u happy now?
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A
male
reader, trent2 +, writes (15 October 2012):
trent2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI made my roommate move out the day I found out about the thing. I honestly never thougth baotu going ot the police but I just may now. I want to do what ever i can to make things better for her
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (15 October 2012):
I agree with the other poster, you need to call the police in on this one. that is serious and the fact that your room mate admitted to doing it... well lets just say I would show him I was serious
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A
female
reader, iargwath +, writes (15 October 2012):
 This would be quite a devatstating and traumatic thing to happen to a young woman. The fact that you pressured her into doing something she was clearly uncomfortable with doing to begin with is rather distrubing to me. Unfortunately you are now dealing with the repurcussions of a bad decision on your part. If you aren't ready to face the consequences of your actions, you should never follow through with them to begin with. Now what you can do is take action from here. Contact the owners of the website, demanding they remove the video from the website. Tell your friend who stole the video that what he did was by no means a joke and that he was a complete jerk for doing what he did. Lastly, learn from this experience. If your partner tells you they are uncomfortable doing something, take a hint!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Show your girlfriend you are serious and have your so called friend charged with stealing.
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