A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time, and it wasn't pleasurable at all. It was sore sort of and was like friction. I was wet. But I don't know whether it was his being dry or me being tight.Help! It's really putting me off doing it again. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my boyfriend that it was uncomfortable and hurt a bit, he totally understood so we agreed to just try it slower and do a little bit everyday just to get my vagina used to it, as I've never done it before. He admitted he hadn't done it for a while so he might be out of practice a bit. But we spoke and are trying to work around it.
Thanks for the advice!!
A
female
reader, crummyscreenname  +, writes (8 October 2012):
Lots of women dislike being fingered. Lots of men aren't very good at it. If you don't like it, don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Confused_123 +, writes (8 October 2012):
I sort of have this problem, in that I'm teaching my boyfriend how to do it right now.
Try guiding his hand and stuff. It's pretty important to talk about this stuff as well. Explain that it's not his fault, but he's not doing it right (ever so tactfully obviously) and then explain what feels nice.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Did you tell him? You need to tell him that it was unpleasant. Otherwise it will be just as unpleasant next time as well. But it you tell him, then you and him can figure out what could be done differently, to make it enjoyable.
Yes, his fingers need to be wet as well, and he needs to go SLOW and figure out what you like. I guess he was just pumping his finger in and out, rather than trying to find spots that felt good and massage those spots...
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Then he is being too rough with you and you need to teach him how to touch you. Also, use some KY gel or reduce the friction. Sounds like your boyfriend has either watched too much porn where women like it hard and rough or he is just inexperienced. I would also tell him not to stick his fingers inside you...just massage outside and around your vagina.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Sorry in advance that this is going to be long.
What to do about this determines whether or not your boyfriend is teachable and willing to learn. If he's the type who gets offended at instruction or has a sensitive ego and doesn't like to be told that he's not doing it right or worse, if he blames you, then there won't be a lot of hope.
Fortunately, most guys want to actually *be* good lovers and not just told that they are. The idea is technique. Porn is not a good teacher when it comes to fingering, and you don't have to feel like there's something wrong with you.
Have you ever given yourself an orgasm? If you haven't, you should experiment on yourself to see what feels good. There's no greater teacher than a woman who knows her own body.
Fingering isn't all about pushing fingers in and out of a vagina rhythmically. The clitoris is the center of pleasure, and the nerves fanning out from the clitoris give stimulation in different ways. The G-spot, the spongy area about an inch or so inside on the front wall of the vagina gains its feelings from the same clitoral nerve system.
A guy tends to have rougher hands and a rougher touch. Lubricant like K-Y, some time and patience, and especially starting at the labia and clitoral massage rather than just drilling the vagina itself is the place to start. Make sure that his fingernails are clean and no rough edges.
Don't give up on manual stimulation (I hate calling it "fingering"), but don't just go for the vagina at first. The vagina itself is for when you're really aroused and the clitoris is very engorged. Take your time with it, give yourself patience, and make sure you have lots of lubricant.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Honestly, fingering is rarely pleasant when it's done by someone who have no clue what he's doing.
Don't do it for a while. If he is willing he an find ways to pleasure you just by using his fingers OUTSIDE the vagina, there is NOT much he can go with a finger inside of you that is going to give you much pleasure. It's more that he "gets" to touch your vagina, really.
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