I'm obsessed with the married man I had an affair with, and he told me that he wishes I were dead! How could he say such hateful things to me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man, he broke it off and it was not pretty. I told his wife...to make a long story short...I would send him cards every once in a while..I think I'm obsessed with him. We ride motorcycles and he is a member of a MC ...
A. 5 August 2012: You know what you do when you date a guy who pretends he is single only to find out that he's married?
You drop the asshole right then and there, spitting on his very memory and counting yourself fortunate you found out before you got pregnant... (read in full...)
I'm obsessed with the married man I had an affair with, and he told me that he wishes I were dead! How could he say such hateful things to me?
Q. I had an affair with a married man, he broke it off and it was not pretty. I told his wife...to make a long story short...I would send him cards every once in a while..I think I'm obsessed with him. We ride motorcycles and he is a member of a MC ...
A. 5 August 2012: Well, it *was* a really hurtful thing to say to you, and the fact that he cheated on his wife in the first place makes him a disgusting, dirty, trash bag cheater who deserves zero sympathy for what he did to his poor wife. She's the one I feel the ... (read in full...)
B/f says I'm a slut because I'm friendly!
Q. i am a friendly outgoing person and i love meeting new people even if it means talking to the person near me while waiting in pizza hut! my bf says its slutty and that i give off the wrong impression. but i chat with old young man women fat thin its ...
A. 5 August 2012: If he's calling you slutty just for talking to people, then call him "alone" and drop him like a bad habit. He's trying to control you because he is INSECURE about you giving any sort of attention to anyone else. His mind is thinking you're ... (read in full...)
What are the pros and cons of revenge sex?
Q. He is the only person I have ever had sex with. At the beginning of the relationship, years ago, I was too. I am going to go out and have some fun with other people, just so that I can stop feeling like such a loser. Maybe then we can decide if we...
A. 5 August 2012: "I am bored of the breaking up, throwing tantrums, not speaking, getting back together cycle. Let him be the shocked one for a change..."
So, you think you'll get back together, so you want to have sex with someone else just to hurt him? That is ... (read in full...)
Risk losing a great guy, or risk having sex with a random guy?
Q. I know this question must have been asked a thousand times before, and I also know that this is a VERY long post. However, I'm facing a very difficult choice right now, and I could use the point of view of an outsider. So, I'm a late virgin at 2...
A. 5 August 2012: You know what I think? I think you need to drop both of them, your best friend and this other guy. Your best friend can stay your friend, but he's not wanting a relationship with you. I think that guy represents your ideal, but if he were ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty about going on holiday with my female friend!
Q. hi, i have been with my partner for five years we have just come back from vacation abroad (greece) i wanted to go on holiday in 5 weeks time to spain with my best girlfriend also. The thing is he's not happy about it and he says I'm being selfis...
A. 4 August 2012: Wow, your guy is a jerk for trying to emotionally punish you for doing something you have every right to do just because he doesn't like it. I'm married and I still go take a trip with friends once in awhile and he does too.
It's time for you ... (read in full...)
I had no time for her, 8 months ago she told me to go to hell, has she got someone else?
Q. I dated a my girlfriend for good three years after i had my national diploma in shipping management by then she just gain her addmision into university while i was busy with my new job in a finance bank i was so busy i no have usual time for her not ...
A. 4 August 2012: Yeah, I think it's over. You blew her off, and now she's done with you. If she's found someone else, it's irrelevant to you now. ... (read in full...)
I have an urgent desire for a baby but it's not the right time!
Q. I have a question for people who are going through, or have been through, what I am feeling right now. Up until a few months ago, I was pretty much anti kids. My husband and I discussed kids before we got married and agreed it was something th...
A. 4 August 2012: Hahahaha female anon. How right you are! I worked in retail for years through college and high school, and I thought I was going to need therapy after the screaming, whining, wailing, destructive kids I saw as well.
Don't get me wrong. ... (read in full...)
How can I approach the marriage subject without scaring him off?
Q. I am what you call a "career woman" and my parents hate it. Don't get me wrong, they're proud that I've been as successful as I've been all my life, but because I'm their only daughter, they want to see some grandchildren from me soon. Well, I'm 31, ...
A. 3 August 2012: Yeah, what is it you want to know? He's already told you his plans for marriage (in his 40's), so what more do you need? Six weeks is way too soon to ask him to get specific and that comes off as "I want me a man!!" desperate.
You have time, so... (read in full...)
Should I still continue seeing her if she might be also seeing another guy?
Q. Hello I've been seeing this girl for a couple weeks but we're not official. Should I still continue seeing her if she might be also seeing another guy? I think she is an amazing girl and she thinks I'm amazing. She has a best guy friend who just ...
A. 3 August 2012: This is your decision as well as hers. Do you want to become exclusive with her? This is a bit of a "next step" in your relationship. If you want her to yourself, you're wanting to commit to exclusivity. If that's the case, you'll have to tell ... (read in full...)
She wants to have sex but I'm not ready yet!
Q. Hi my girlfriend want to have sex with me but I feel like I'm not ready yet to that kind of relation because that will my first experience with Sex ...I love her and she loves me too and we were dating for the last 2 yrs we both 16 years old I'm ...
A. 3 August 2012: I say this to girls all the time, NO WAY should you ever be pushed into sex. Having sex because you're afraid of her cheating is no reason ever to do it. If she cheats, then she wasn't the girl for you anyways. A relationship doesn't have to have ... (read in full...)
My fiancé spends more time playing video games than with his family, and there's a bedroom issue too. Help!
Q. Hi, I'm 29ys old. I've been with my fiance for 4yrs.He is 51 Both of us have been divorced and were very happy to find each other though it was unexpected. Here is my dilemma.I think he's changing. I've talked to him over and over till I'm blue...
A. 3 August 2012: Actually, I think you both have changed. Your relationship has gotten stale, and unfortunately, pulling ultimatums and starting arguments isn't the best way to remedy this, even though they are people's first reactions to the symptoms of ... (read in full...)
Is she right to feel that no guy will like her because of her size?
Q. So I have been talking with a good friend of mine and she is upset about her size. She thinks that no guy will ever like her because of her size. I think she is very pretty and her size doesn't matter. She is a size 18, she has a tiny waist but...
A. 3 August 2012: No way! There are so many sites devoted to men who are attracted to *only* larger size women! What she finds unattractive, some guy will not want to keep his hands off of. There are cultures who revere women who are larger as a status symbol for ... (read in full...)
How do I leave my wife with the least grief possible?
Q. i don't find my wife attractive nor am i in love with her anymore. I don't want to lose my kids and i am not brave enough to confront my wife and tell her i want to leave (be able to do it with the least grief as possible)" Please, this i...
A. 3 August 2012: Listen, no matter how much you try to soften the blow, it's going to be a devastating Nuclear event. You will devastate and hurt your children like no other, and your wife will be crushed as well.
Is that all you want to break up with her over... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is incapable of being aggressive!!
Q. So we've been dating for a while- my boyfriend and I. We are at the point where we've told each other that we love one another. And I do love him dearly. I really do. But there is a problem. My boyfriend has aggressiveness issues. He is incapable ...
A. 3 August 2012: Yeah, you need to lighten up A LOT...and when I say A LOT, I mean BIG TIME on him. It's not his fault you weren't at prom, and prom was a part of his life. You ran off and ruined his awards ceremony when you were supposed to be supporting him. ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girlfriend that I need a break?
Q. Hi I have a question about how to tell my girlfriend I need a break or more space. .I've being feeling very trapped for the past two months. . I've being with her for four years and we just moved into a apartment together and I thought it would be ...
A. 3 August 2012: Oh boy. You need to tell her that you're feeling trapped and smothered and that you need time with your friends and your own interest. By not spending time on her own pursuits, she's making you be her "everything".
You need to tell her that you... (read in full...)
Going out on 1st date for a drink. What should I talk about?
Q. As you all know, my last girfriend was Hungarian, but tomorrow night I am going on a date with an English girl. She likes my sense of humour (by text), likes my picture. Its been a while since I've dated (in English!) We are going for a drink, wha...
A. 2 August 2012: Ooh! Get her talking! Be interested in her! Ask her about herself. Also, many guys forget this, but be courteous to your dinner server too! You'd be surprised how many guys are very interested in their dates while blowing off the server. It's ... (read in full...)
B/f & I are not on the same page about things that are important to me!
Q. Hi I would just like to check with you guys, I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and we enjoy being together but you get to know a bit more about a person as time passes and I have found some areas where we are not on the same page like buying ...
A. 2 August 2012: That's just it. The whole reason for relationships (courtship in previous generations) is to determine chemistry and compatibility. You've now learned of some incompatible things between you and your boyfriend.
The biggest mistake a woman co... (read in full...)
Is this a FWB or an actual relationship?
Q. Hi,this could be confusing, but im confused too, sooo here it goes ive been seeing this guy as a friends with benefits since may 26th 2012, its now august 2nd, and were still seing eachother as that. I am falling for him and im not sure what i ...
A. 2 August 2012: Oh boy. First of all, it's not a relationship unless both of you talk it out and *start* a new relationship. Assuming it's automatically become one because you're falling for him and he's acting all affection in public is a first class ticket to ... (read in full...)
He left to do drugs while I was making him dinner. Am I wrong for being mad?
Q. Okay so today I was hanging out with my boyfriend like normal, (we usually hang everyday) and hes a sweet heart. I really like him and maybe love him. But see the thing is he smokes weed, I don't really care about that but while I was making him ...
A. 2 August 2012: Yes, you are wrong for being mad. You *said* to him "I don't care." when you did. That is a lie. Now, I know there are people on here who will say that he should have picked up on your facial expression and tone of voice, but he *heard* "I don't ... (read in full...)
Do I show my friend the proof that her boyfriend is cheating on her or not?
Q. I am in a bit of a hard situation here. I have a male friend, and I recently found out that he is on a swinger site, and is meeting random people for sex. Now what he does is his business and normally I couldn't care less, except he has a ...
A. 1 August 2012: You're right. He's putting her at grave risk, and you doing something about it is being a real friend.
You need to get ironclad proof together and not just tell her that he's cheating. Proof saves you from the "shoot the messenger syndrome... (read in full...)
Should I stick it out for longer or leave? I'm caught between my feelings for him and logic and the need for growth.
Q. I have been having conflicting emotions regarding my boyfriend. He is very sweet and loving. He is emotionally supportive and playful. I love him very much and I know he loves me back. The problems are that we get into fights every other day....
A. 1 August 2012: First of all, I want to make one thing clear. Do not ever make a decision whether to stay with a guy because you're afraid that leaving him will cause him to kill himself. That is his decision, and nothing "causes" him to kill himself except his ... (read in full...)
Why do woman hook up with married men?
Q. My question is simple, Why do women hook up with a married man? I would like to hear from those who had a relationship with a married man, why did you do it? Love? Sex? Adventure? ...
A. 1 August 2012: One of my closest friends hooked up with a married man (against my very strong objections and pleading) because she bought into his story that leaving his wife would cause her health and mental problems. They had worked together until he revealed a ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is snooping on me via google!
Q. not sure what to do here, but my gf had found out about an abortion approx 4-5 years ago in a previous relationship she got upset at me because its something important i failed to tell jer, she said she wasnt checking up on me, but googled my n...
A. 31 July 2012: I'm kinda on the fence about whether or not she needs to know. I dated a guy who also had had an abortion in his past. I knew this because I knew his ex. I didn't date this guy very long, but I found out that he was, shall we say, lax in his ... (read in full...)
We broke up, and now he want his gifts back.
Q. hi guys 3 months ago i broke up with my boyfriend who was really bad to me,we are now exs. i wrote in about him a while ago and i got some really nice advice to just leave him,so i did that and everything has been okay but i havent been able to get ...
A. 31 July 2012: You know, I read your question several times, and I literally struggled on the advice to give, because the evil in me who got pissed when I read how he cheated on you wanted me to advise you to set them on fire and dance around it, I know that's ... (read in full...)
Do posters on Dear Cupid frame their questions in a way that would lead to them getting answers which they unknowingly want?
Q. This isn't a question about myself, it's about all of us in general who post questions here on dearcupid. I think it's an odd set up because, like with any agony aunt site, the only information the answerer has to go on lies with the questioner, and ...
A. 30 July 2012: I think I see it more like the answer is right in front of their face, but they don't see it. Of course, not everything is cut and dried, hence different advice and different points of view, which collectively are valuable so as to see all sides of ... (read in full...)
My guy has never cheated on me but I give him the 3rd degree after he goes out!
Q. I have been with my man for almost a year now, we get along pretty well and love each other very much. the one problem that has occured repeatedly is me not trusting him when he is out. i have no basis for this except my past seems to be constantly ...
A. 30 July 2012: Remember, you cannot hold the future accountable for the past. Meaning, you can't make your current boyfriend pay for the sins of your exes. That's not fair to him.
You need to reconcile the hurt you're still feeling. You need to fix that wou... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is snooping on me via google!
Q. not sure what to do here, but my gf had found out about an abortion approx 4-5 years ago in a previous relationship she got upset at me because its something important i failed to tell jer, she said she wasnt checking up on me, but googled my n...
A. 30 July 2012: I actually encourage women to do a check on their boyfriends if they feel that there's something they're hiding or if something feels "off". I don't approve of hacking email accounts or Facebook or rifling through people's privacy, but she did a ... (read in full...)
He was mean to me. Sent me dirt nasty text. So I did something he called spiteful. Was I wrong to do that?
Q. Two months ago I met this guy at the birthday party. He seems nice and we exchaged phone numbers! We met three times, and afterward I tried to avoid him (i thought he was difficult and feel like all he wants is just have sex!) And here's a deal...
A. 30 July 2012: Shrodingerscat, I respect your opinion. This is a great discussion, and it's great that all of us are mature enough to learn even from our differing opinions.
Maybe this is just me, but I don't see this case as a "bullying" case, and I cringe a... (read in full...)
How often do married men masturbate without their wife knowing?
Q. How many Married guys masturbate ,Without the wife knowing and How much a day or week? ...
A. 29 July 2012: I'm not a married guy, but I'm a married woman. As long as I get to have sex regularly with my husband, I don't care if he takes care of himself, and I don't want to know, as long as it doesn't involve cheating with real-life women or virtual ... (read in full...)
I applied at a strip club, the boss wants me to strut my stuff
Q. I applied to work in a strip club (I'm female) but the mister who I asked wanted me to "strut my stuff" for him. Is this normal. Do ladies who apply to do what I do (get naked, look sexy and have sex) have to show the "boss" what they do or does he ...
A. 29 July 2012: I highly doubt that you would have to have sex to get into the strip club, but it would be reasonable that the boss would have you give an audition for him. It's much like a chef being asked to cook as part of an interview, a news reporter or a ... (read in full...)
He was mean to me. Sent me dirt nasty text. So I did something he called spiteful. Was I wrong to do that?
Q. Two months ago I met this guy at the birthday party. He seems nice and we exchaged phone numbers! We met three times, and afterward I tried to avoid him (i thought he was difficult and feel like all he wants is just have sex!) And here's a deal...
A. 29 July 2012: Trust me, my desire to see some lewd jackass get called on his actions is as vehement and as fervent as Cerberus's and those who agree with his point of view, and because of that, I respect that point of view. My difference of opinion is in the ... (read in full...)
I don't see myself as bisexual, and I don't want to have a relationship with a woman, I just want to have a sexual experience with a woman.
Q. I'm currently in a very happy, fairly long term relationship with a man, but I can't get the fantasy of sex with a woman out of my head. I dont see myself as bisexual, and I dont want to have a relationship with a woman, I just want to have a sexual ...
A. 29 July 2012: You're contradicting yourself. How can a happy long-term relationship with a guy also be on the verge of splitting up? Which is it? Do you want to break up with your boyfriend, or do you want to stay with him?
My only advice is -- don't ev... (read in full...)
I get depressed going out and seeing children that I'll never have so now I don't want to go out!
Q. I am late thirties. Whenever I go to a mall or wherever and see couples and families with children out together I get this tight sensation in my chest and I feel rock bottom sad that it didn't happen for me, as I never married or had children. I ...
A. 29 July 2012: You're with the wrong guy, and I'm telling you, you are *not* too old for kids if you want them. One of my best friends has two kids, her first was when she was 41 and her second at age 44. I also saw that the average age of a mom having her first ... (read in full...)
Can't understand his reaction. Why did he make out nothing happened? We did cuddle. Did I do something wrong?
Q. Hello Aunts. Recently Ive been spending a lot of time with one of my male friends, I guess at this point in my life he would be my best friend as I spend all of my free time with him. We both have feelings for another but until recently neith...
A. 28 July 2012: Is he with someone else? Does he have a girlfriend? Because his actions are consistent with someone who doesn't want anyone to know what the two of you did. Why, if both of you are single and available, would you have to hide your feelings for ... (read in full...)
He was mean to me. Sent me dirt nasty text. So I did something he called spiteful. Was I wrong to do that?
Q. Two months ago I met this guy at the birthday party. He seems nice and we exchaged phone numbers! We met three times, and afterward I tried to avoid him (i thought he was difficult and feel like all he wants is just have sex!) And here's a deal...
A. 28 July 2012: Calling him out on it means telling him to shut up and leave you alone. It doesn't mean posting a message on Facebook. One is a proportional response, the second is exhibitionism.
Think about it. What lesson is a guy going to learn when his... (read in full...)
He was mean to me. Sent me dirt nasty text. So I did something he called spiteful. Was I wrong to do that?
Q. Two months ago I met this guy at the birthday party. He seems nice and we exchaged phone numbers! We met three times, and afterward I tried to avoid him (i thought he was difficult and feel like all he wants is just have sex!) And here's a deal...
A. 28 July 2012: You didn't do yourself any favors by doing that. Telling him off, then blocking and deleting him would have been the best response. Your taking it to Facebook made you look immature, and you didn't get any sort of revenge by doing it, ... (read in full...)
Texting: What boundaries are acceptable?
Q. I was just curious what boundaries various people think is acceptable when it comes to texting, having a few issues in my relationship because of this at the moment. In my opinion when you get in bed together to watch tv etc phones should be left ...
A. 26 July 2012: Heh, yeah, I agree with you. She's addicted if she has to bring her phone to bed with her. Her comment about you being controlling is simply a smokescreen because she's defensive.
Tell her that it's a boundary thing, not a control thing. H... (read in full...)
How do you bring up mental illness in a delicate way?
Q. I always thought something was off with my BF until recently when I found out for sure there's something very off. I found tiny, secret cameras hidden in small holes all over our apartment, my mail was opened by him, and I think he records my ...
A. 26 July 2012: I couldn't agree more with Ciar. Don't even trouble yourself with any mental illness diagnosis. Don't worry about telling him to get help. You *are* in danger. Talk to your family away from your house, have them, without warning to your ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain sexual experience even though I won't be dating them?
Q. Recently I was having a chat with a friend and the subject of my virginity came up. He ask why I still choose to keep it because girls our age aren't anymore. He got me thinking that when I do find a girlfriend that she would have slept with many ...
A. 26 July 2012: You think that the only 18-21 year old women who haven't had sex are obese and lack personal hygiene? Good lord! I think you might have just pissed off half of the female aunts on here! You couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, the most ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing? He cheated, and he asked me to tell him when I do forgive him?
Q. I found out today that my boyfriend of two years has been skyping another girl, calling her 'sexy', 'love', 'cutie', all things that he calls me, telling her she's 20 times hotter than me, that he'll think of her when he's in bed with me, etc. ...
A. 26 July 2012: I also agree with k_c. Why bother going through the effort of "watching him like a hawk"? You deserve a guy you don't have to watch or wonder if he's throwing you under the bus on Skype.
His response, that he "gets lonely" is really telling ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain sexual experience even though I won't be dating them?
Q. Recently I was having a chat with a friend and the subject of my virginity came up. He ask why I still choose to keep it because girls our age aren't anymore. He got me thinking that when I do find a girlfriend that she would have slept with many ...
A. 25 July 2012: You're 18-21. There are a lot of women in that age group who haven't slept with guys. Your friend is not right.
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain experience? Sure, as long as you don't lie to them about using them. If you can find... (read in full...)
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