A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some input from people who have understanding of drug addicts. I'm in a relationship with a man my age who used to be a drug addict. He started in his teen until his mid 20s and has done pot, acid, cocaine, ecstasy but heroin was his biggest addiction and he did it for 4 years. Now he is clean and the only thing he does a few times a year is pot. He sometimes tells stories about when he was high on whatever and the good times he had. And it looks like he enjoyed that time a lot! I've never done drugs, only tried pot a couple times. I've always had a good head on my shoulders. As our relationship is progressing, I'm wondering if fundamentally we are complete opposites. I mean, this guys spent years indulging and putting pleasure first, living in a wolrd where he was constantly high and enjoying social experiences while doing it. He doesn't do that anymore but how can he be with someone (me) who doesn't even have a clue what it feels like and who can't relate. Can a relationship between someone who used to be addicted and someone who has never used work?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 October 2012):
 of course it can work...
if he's clean now and working his program it doesn't matter that you were not an addict in the past... in fact it's probably better...
I know that YouWish is alluding to the use of pot as a gateway drug but I don't see it.
Does your partner have body issues such as pain? Or is he a person with mental illness such as depression or ADHD?
As and ADHD person with severe body pain on a daily basis I so truly do not see pot as a gateway drug.... some folks "self medicate" with nicotine, or caffeine, some use THC... since THC is not legal in most states, it makes those that use it for clarity and pain relief suspect....
I have friends that are together that met years after they both were in recovery... I think it's harder for them than if only one was in recovery.... Recovery is not stagnant. It's an ongoing daily event... meetings...sponsors, support groups....
I think for sure it can work as long as he's actively in recovery on an ongoing basis....
what if he had other experiences you have not had....that you never will have... it doesn't mean you can't make the relationship work...
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I wanted to comment on something you said:
"I mean, this guys spent years indulging and putting pleasure first, living in a wolrd where he was constantly high and enjoying social experiences while doing it."
The truth is, he lived in hell, or he wouldn't have gone through sheer agony to become clean and sober. Addiction to drugs is a chain that demands your life, breaks relationships, and makes you sick.
I have reservations though if he still uses pot once in awhile. I think if he's still a pot user, even occasionally, it does leave a tiny back door open to return to the addiction if times got tough.
It can work between a former addict and one who has never used, because the sheer rare victory of achieving total sobriety adds a strength of character that only comes from breaking free of a hell of one's own making.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Yes they can. The question is can you handle it. If you can't then you already know what you need to do. If you want to try then I would suggest that you find coping mechanisms from.those such as yourself that don't know about this lifestyle. Support groups are good for these types of things. I would also suggest you attend some meetings with him so you can further understand. Its up to you how you want to handle this situation.
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A
female
reader, iargwath  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I was in a relationship with a self-confessed drug user/drug addict about one year ago. Like you, I am very opposed to drugs and haven't tried anything in my entire life. Not even a cigarette. I have a strong sense of will and do not believe in inflicting harm on my body. This person I was in a relationship with (like your current partner) always boasted about how great drugs were, and a few months into the relationship things became problematic.
Drug use (albeit any kind of addiction) is usually an emotionally injured individuals way of coping with/escaping personal pain. It was difficult to see someone you love subject themselves to always taking the hypothetical "easy way out." Our relationship ended quite swiftly because I was dating an addict who was using drugs to escape emotional problems. The addict always takes over the person. But if you can trust that your partner is no longer addicted, this is a good thing. My only advice would be to just keep the communication really open/honest along the way. Relationships can only work when two people are willing to make them work! Best of luck.
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