A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone, I met a guy online a week ago, and we hit it off really well, and have now started speaking via mobile phone, he seems nice and there seems to be a positive connection. We've scheduled to meet each other for the first time next Saturday. I'm overweight, he knows this, I wrote it in my profile with a current snapshot of me included. He wrote and told me he liked my profile, and was interested and that he preferred larger women.On the phone tonight we started talking about exercise and diet etc, and he told me that he had put on some weight earlier this year, and he had put himself on a strict diet and it had taken him 2 months to lose his excess weight. I told him I was also on a diet, and then he asked me how much weight I wanted to lose. I told him in a polite but jokey way that this was a question a guy should not ask a woman and he laughed. But he has now asked me to send him a full length picture of myself. I had a friend take a few full length pictures of me, and I have to say that I do not feel that the pictures look good, and now I feel too embarassed to meet him. A few months or so ago I had a date with another guy, and on the date he told me that I was too overweight for him. The way he had told me, I felt was unnecessarily cruel on his part, and also because he had read my profile, seen my pictures, we had also skyped, I did not hide anything from him in relation to me being overweight. so now I feel afraid of being hurt again regarding my weight. What should I do? Do I cancel the date now - what do I say to him? Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Honestly, there are sweet guys out there, and there
Are pigs. And u will never find out who they are until
You take a chance. You might be a little self conscious about
Your weight but honestly this guy told u he was on a diet also,
So now you should look at that as a common groin and work with that.
I think u should go on a date.
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 October 2012):
Im sorry to read about him not getting back to you, like you said he could at least have been honest, and not messed you about. that would really piss me off too.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 He may have been caught up in the moment and enjoying himself and that's why he said he would call again.... then after he thought about it, he realized he's just not that into you...
he stills should have contacted you to let you know where he stands.. that is rude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again, well, I did not hear from him. It's been a week now. Before the date he text me and called me every day, to say hello, and ask how my day was going etc. Now nothing, he's disappeared off the face of the earth.So, I get the message, he's just not that into me, but why do this? What happened to the common courtesy of letting me know politely that he is not interested. Why pretend and tell me he wants to see me again, when all along he is lying. What a coward!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Everyone, thank you so much for all your replies, and advice. I read your messages, and after alot of thought I decided to go for it. Initially, when I got there I felt very nervous, but his manner and the way he talked and his body language soon made me start to relax and I thoroughly enjoyed his company and the afternoon. At the end of the date, he suggested we meet up again, he sent me a text that evening to say he enjoyed my company, then he called me the next day to say hello and we talked for about 15 minutes. I'm hoping this works out, and there's a second date on the cards :-)I'm keeping an open mind - On the surface the date went well, we talked well together, seemed to have the same sense of humour and interests. He also told me he found me attractive and was more attracted to curvier women. Of course, these words were music to my ears, but i remember this has happened to me already twice before e.g,. where the date goes well, they suggest another date, but then I never hear from them again. So what I can take from this, is that I spent a nice afternoon. If I hear from him again and he wants only to be friends, well that's ok, and if he wants a second date, even better, but if I hear nothing after a week, then I know it's time to move on. Thanks so much for your input.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I definitely don't think you should postpone the date. I can see why you would want to because of what happened the last time, but you need to keep reminding yourself that that guy was an idiot who didn't deserve you in the first place. I wouldn't want anything to do with anyone who could be so shallow and cruel to another person.This new guy sounds like a much nicer person, so I really dont think you have anything to worry about with him. However, have you considered sending him the photos you took first? I know you don't like them (not many people do like photos of themselves to be fair) but if they show you as you are then you can gauge his reaction before deciding to go? It might seem scary but surely it's better to take that risk than to give up before you've even tried?Finally, please try to stop worrying about yourself so much and remember to focus on him to make sure he is someone YOU want to see again. You deserve to get what you want in a partner as much as he does. All the best, and let us know how you get on :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2012):
 If you Skyped with this guy and used a webcam, you have nothing to worry about! The guy saw you and wants to date you!
Don't postpone your date. Sure, keep doing things to increase your health and well-being, sure! But don't postpone living to the fullest until then, or you'll never be satisfied and you'll miss out on the most valuable commodity in life -- time!
Your previous date was an insensitive asshat. He's old news. Go out with this new guy! Have fun!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2012):
If you Skyped with this guy and used a webcam, you have nothing to worry about! The guy saw you and wants to date you!
Don't postpone your date. Sure, keep doing things to increase your health and well-being, sure! But don't postpone living to the fullest until then, or you'll never be satisfied and you'll miss out on the most valuable commodity in life -- time!
Your previous date was an insensitive asshat. He's old news. Go out with this new guy! Have fun!
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (15 October 2012):
I forgot to say wear something you feel comfortable in
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (15 October 2012):
this guy sounds more mature and less shallow than the previous idiot, so I say go for it and try to forget about your weight while you are with him. it sounds as though you might be making a bigger deal of your weight than is necessary, writing on your profile that you are overweight and saying you are on a diet. Im not trying in any way to criticise you, sorry if it sounds like that but I think you are feeling almost apologetic for being the weight you are. this is probably due to being knocked by the last guy. you need to remember you are as good as the next woman, just because you are whatever size doesnt make you inferior and you are just as deserving of love and respect as anyone else.
I think you should go on the date, its just a date and if it doesnt work out you wont be any worse off. good luck and try to forget the negative comments of the other guy from before x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Okay I'm going to go off a limb on this one.....Are you really on a diet and are you seriously trying to lose weight? I ask you this because if you are, why not postpone the date? If you are really serious, this would be the perfect time to jump start a new eating program. Join Jenny Craig or Nutrisystems and then you can stop being embarrassed, stop being turned down because of your weight, you can become healthy and happy and no more hiding. Wouldn't that be better in the long run? I know it takes months to lose weight, but there are programs out there that are extremely effective! I lost 25 lbs on Nutrisystem several years ago and I can tell you I have never felt better! Not only does it give you your confidence and self esteem but it buys back years of your life! Some men say they like larger women. In fact he may have been overweight himself, when he told you that. He may have been hiding behind that excuse when he first met you. Then he lost some weight and now perhaps he's re-thinking what you may look like. They say the heart wants what the heart wants and plenty of overweight people do find mates. But I think it's usually extremely hard. If you are already considering a change in your weight, this would make me jump start my efforts ASAP. Good luck.
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