A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi people, thanks for your time, I am a 24 year old man in a relationship of 4 years with my 22 year old girlfriend. We've been living together for the past 2 years and have just moved into our new place. For the past year and a half my girlfriend has become less and less affectionate. Now I'd like to say I'm not sex mad but at the moment I'm lucky if we have sex once a month, sometimes less (always initiated by her, I've actually given up trying now so she's not under pressure and I don't feel rejected). I would like to have sex maybe once a week though because I love her and she turns me on! The thing is when we do, sex is great, we both always orgasm, are very passionate together and i wouldn't change a thing when we have sex, this is an opinion shared by her.The lack of sex and affection is driving me mad! We laugh all the time, date, cuddle, have our own lives, I play a lot of sport etc... I've been told I'm a very good looking guy and keep my self in fantastic shape. But it seems I always kiss her first, she always stops it first and doesn't put any passion into it. She doesn't feel me up that much or at all. She'd happily go to sleep without kissing me good night, i always have to go to her.It's making me feel so frustrated, depressed, knocking my confidence back.She is the most beautiful and sexy woman I can think of. In every other aspect of our relationship I simply could not be happier, she makes me happy.. We've had the talk a couple of times but she gets upset, reassures me, tells me she still cares, i'm still attractive to her and it's her not me etc...But things haven't changed. I don't want to hear the 'just break up or it's doomed' because to me that's not an option, I love her so much and cannot imagine life without her. But I'm at the end of my tether and its upsetting me a lot ! And advice or words of encouragement, questions would be welcome. Thanks for reading if you have got this far!
View related questions:
confidence, depressed, kissing, moved in, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Sorry, OP, but this situation is unlikely to change. I experienced something similar in my last relationship. Plenty of sex at the beginning then once we had moved in together it started to ease off. She was always too tired to have sex in the week, only at weekends. It became once a fortnight, then once a month. Sunday mornings only. Almost no foreplay (oral was never on the cards - I love giving it, she didn't like it). Then every other month. It got to the point where I talked to her about it, very calmly and non-confrontational. She loved me, went to the doctors to check everything out and all was fine physically. She admitted that she was never terribly interested in sex (with any previous partner) so I felt that sex was used to 'catch me' in the first place and, once hooked, I would accept it. So I did for a long time, because I loved her and she loved me. But gradually the total lack of intimacy made me feel totally unloved and that something must be wrong with me. By this time, sex had dropped from twice a year - seriously - to nothing at all. I did plenty of housework (honestly), took her on dates, took up new interests with her - did everything 'they' say you should do. It made no odds. After four years of this, I got depression and left the relationship.I am still single, three years on, but it was the right decision. It was never going to change. Please save yourself an awful lot of pain and heartache and get out now. I was 27 when I met my ex and 36 when I left. To have no sex life pretty much throughout your 30s when you're in a supposely loving relationship is totally destroying. I have no doubt my ex loved me, but I'm afraid very few people are happy in a celibate relationship.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 October 2012):
 You need to sit down and talk to her about how you feel, I mean *really* how you feel. Sex is so often the hardest conversation to have between couples, and it's one of the top two relationship breakers (the other being money).
Don't have the conversation with her right after being rejected for sex. Don't have the conversation with her right after the two of you have sex, and don't have it right at the end of the day when you both are drained.
I would suggest going out to dinner and talking about it there, and also, speaking of dinner, how often do you two date still?? You say that you date, well is it once per week, the same number of times you want sex? Sometimes, a woman becomes less physically responsive when her emotional needs aren't getting met. A man needs sex, and a woman needs romance.
Also, how is the housework being split?? Is everything being divided 50/50, or are you expecting her to work like you do and then cook, clean, do laundry, etc? A woman sometimes feels drained when overworked.
Not only that, but is she self-conscious about changes in her body? You say she's beautiful, but has she thought that something's making her less pretty?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): I can totally relate to your situation as I've been through it myself. My bf constantly complains that I've been starting to lose interest in physical intimacy and am not affectionate anymore. He tries so hard to get us in the mood but recently it has become a chore for him.Based on my experience, it is possible that your gf is preoccupied with other things in her life, eg. career, finances, personal issues. When our minds are occupied with other distractions, our sex drives tend to go to an ultimate low and sometimes causes a problem between two people. I must admit that I hardly initiate any kissing, cuddling, sex and it has mostly been him. At times he gets frustrated and tells me off. It could also be possible that she is starting to get bored of the routine sex. Perhaps you could speak to her about it, or even take initiative to try out new positions, or create a nice atmosphere (eg, candles, scents, flowers)...trust me, these appeal to a woman and get her in the mood for some lovemaking! Try to eliminate all distractions, or a plan a trip somewhere close by where the two of you could take a break and de-stress and start feeling close again! It's worth the effort and it's better than confronting her as this could possibly lead to a disagreement. Make an effort while you're young and you'r efforts will surely be rewarded and that could mean a lifetime of closeness and physical intimacy. Good luck!
...............................
|
