A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help!Last month, my cousin's hd hit on me. they've been married for almost six years now, and i recently moved back home and live close to them (about ten minutes on foot), so i see them every day.they had a little family get together and out of nowhere he cornered me in the kitchen started flirting with me. i immediately told him to back off, which he did. but a few days later, he started txting me almost nonstop. at the same time he would make inappropriate sexual comments about me, the 2 of us, and then he'd apologize and beg me not to say anything to my cousin.At first i didn't want to hurt my cousin's feelings by telling her what her hb was doing behind her back. i didn't want to ruin their marriage and i'm actually grateful that they don't have any children or they would suffer. but she found his texts to me and ended up confronting me about them, yelling and cursing and calling me a homewrecker. i never flirted with him, not even unintentionally. i don't even find him attractive, for God's sake! why would i bother with that kind of crap?she pretty much told me to stay the hell away from her hb and continued insulting me...there is so much i will take from people, especially when i know i haven't done anything wrong.so i told her that i wasn't the one screwing around, HE was. i told her what had happened at the get together and she laughed at my face calling me desperate and needy that i would go after a married man.now, she's gone to my parents, hers and people from my family have started giving the stink-eye and the cold shoulder. not my parents, though, thank goodness for them.And the cheating bastard in all that hasn't stopped her or denied anything?What should i do here?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): She's probably blaming you because she doens't want to think bad of her husband, it's easier for her to blame you then to realise her husband has in a way been cheating on her and she's just in denial.
She will most probably calm down, you just need to give her time to let it sink in, but at the end of the day you're telling the turth and she just can't realie it, just remember you did nothing wrong.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 I know this is horrible, not only with a creepy married man skeeving on you, but your cousin so much in denial that she must vilify you or suffer a nervous breakdown.
All you have to do is keep the evidence, show poise and grace and dignity, and you *will* be vindicated. His behavior will keep seeking for ways to cheat on her either with you or others, and eventually his character won't be denied any longer.
You stay calm. If your family gives you the stink eye or tries to call you "homewrecker", tell them calmly that you have never been interested in him and told him from the start to leave you alone. If your cousin/his wife tries to confront you again, tell her calmly that you are the wrong person she should be confronting, and that her beef is with the one who vowed to be faithful to her, the one who made the inappropriate advances toward you. Tell her that even if he were single, you'd be less than interested in him.
You know the truth. No matter how loud, upset, or in denial she can be, you know the truth, and deep down, she does too. Your calm behavior and logical denial will cut through the bruise she tried to inflict to your reputation. Stay patient and you will be vindicated.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Call your cousin meet up with er and show her his texts. Unless you made some "engaging" answers that should clear it up for her.
Doesn't mean she will be happy about it or not mad at you. I think right now it's "easier" to blame YOU instead of her husband. Since if she accepts it was ALL him, she will have to accept that she is married to a douche bag. And that is never nice.
I'm guessing she like living in DENIAL better...
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (6 October 2012):
I've been put in a situation like this once and basically exploded. I ended up sending the person who accused me of being a home wrecker an e-mail, and forwarded it to everyone involved who had started giving me the cold shoulder because of it.
I've listed the content below, adjusted to your specific situation.
"Hi [insert name]
I do not take kindly to anyone trying to ruin my reputation without giving me a chance to defend myself. So I will set this straight once and for all. I did not flirt with your husband. I am not interested in him and even if I was I am not the kind of lowlife who would try to steal another woman's man.
You are upset because of the texts your husband sent to me. Instead of going to him for an explanation, you come to me and yell and insult me. If you had looked in his phone for my responses, you would see there are very few of them and that in the ones I did send I am telling him to back off. This would bring you to the logical conclusion that your husband initiated the contact.
You can be in denial about it. You can look the other way when he tries it with other women. I don't care. It's your marriage, not mine. But I do take issue when you try to make me look bad in front of people I care about because you're too blind to see the truth in front of you.
Regards,
[your name]"
Now, it may turn into a whole "I'm right! --no, I'm right!" argument, so you have to make the choice whether you want to do this and if you think it'll have any impact. If not it's better to follow up on Anonymous123 and ImmortalPrincess' suggestion to shrug and not pay attention to her antics anymore. But honestly, if the people who are giving you the cold shoulder now matter to you, I'd at least try.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2012): "What should i do here?"
Nothing you can do; Anonymous123's assessment is spot-on 100% accurate.
Much easier for cousin to live in denial and project blame and anger onto shameless hussy trying to swoop in and steal Prince Charming out from under her nose rather than to deal with cold harsh reality that hubby is a lying cheating scumbag with absolutely zero respect for doormat wife.
That she is making the rounds among your relatives spreading her tale of woe suggests to me she is enjoying the attention she gets as the "victim," laying blame solely on "other woman" precludes the possibility of family members thinking that maybe its somehow her fault, she drove hubby to look elsewhere for what he is not getting from her in their marital bed.
Being in a position to cast a family member as the "villain" provides that much more sympathy mileage for her to milk. If your relatives choose to believe her over you, bleep 'em. You're better off without them in your lives.
You're not the one sleeping in his bed, he is; you're not the husband making a play for another woman (and your blood relatived), he is; your not the one disrespecting her, he is.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (6 October 2012):
 I have a sneaking suspicion she already knows the truth. You're mostly likely not the first person she has caught her husband flirting with, and I doubt you'll be the last. She's in denial about it, and it is easier for her to blame you, then it is for her to face the real problem.
One day, though, it's going to slap her in the face so hard, that she will have no other option but to face it and deal with it.
Anonymous 123 is right, for now just keep your distance, and eventually the truth will come out.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 I pity your cousin OP, the poor woman is living in denial. People like her have such tremendous insecurities of their own, that they refuse to acknowledge the truth even if it bites them in the ass.
Let her think what she wants to. You know the truth and your parents know the truth. How does it matter what anyone else thinks? Cut off all contacts with this cousin and her husband. Don't expect him to be honest about whatever happened, he is really an asshole and you cant expect any decency out of him. Remember, the cat will be out of the bag some day, he is a jerk and is sure to do this again with someone who will expose him.
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