A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here's my problem...There is this guitarist who I absolutely adore, and I feel as though my love of him is starting to become an issue for me. My taste in music is somewhat bizarre, and he and his former band are the only people who have ever played exactly what I want to hear. It's his sound in perticular that draws me in like absolutely none other, and their music has gotten me through everything.Ever since I discovered his music about six years ago years ago, I have found myself going through these semi-obsessive phases that last several weeks at a time, where I become extremely depressed over the fact that he has died. I feel like the world was robbed when he passed away (he died very young) and I feel hopeless that there will never be another like him. On a more personal level, I feel upset by the fact that his music has made such an impact on me, but he will never know, and I will never be able to tell him. When I go through these phases, I find myself not wanting to do anything but listen to him play, read about him, look at his pictures etc.. he passed away a decade ago, but STILL can't get through his memorial page without tearing up. It doesn't happen frequently enough that I feel I am obsessed, but it has happened enough for me to know that it's not going to stop.I don't believe I am romantically attracted to him (there is a considerable age difference), but I feel a strong love for him that stems from my deep running appreciation for his music.Has anyone else here ever been totally hung up on a musician/celebrity who has passed away? If so, how did you get through it and get on with your life?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 October 2013):
 Thank you for your post! I remember you from last year! I'm so glad that you were able to find your way. I'm sure you're far from "arriving", but you channeled it into making the world a better place through your music.
All my best to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo it's been one year since I posted this question, and for the benifit of those who may be experiencing similar, I would like to offer an update about where I am at today.About a month after I first wrote the question, I realized that unlike the previous times I had become overwhelmed by him, this time, it was not going to go away. So I hit a breaking point where I realized that I could either keep sinking into my depressed state, or, I could be productive, and channel my feelings into my music. What better thing to do?So on the advice of YouWish, I did exactly that. I went out and bought a guitar like his for Christmas, and started to write all kinds of things. It has been incredibly theraputic, and I have learned all kinds of things about my "musical writer's voice." I have even connected with some of his former band mates over social media, and have been able to discuss him with fellow fans. Since the band was obscure to say the very least, it really helped to lift the feelings of isolation I had over the whole thing.I still have the occasional "depressed episode" over his death, but it has been over all a very positive experience that has brought much joy to my life.In closing, if you are going through something like this, the best thing you can do for yourself is channel your feelings artistically. You can then help yourself get through the rough times, all while paying a meaningful tribute to the person you admire.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 October 2012):
Glad I could help! That's what this site is here for!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNow I feel like I can "move on" from being stuck in this grief and celebrate his life through music of my own. My emotions are still as strong, but I feel differently about them now.
I can never thank you enough for this shift in perspective! :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2012):
Not a problem! Music is the greatest of outlets for these kinds of things, but I freely admit that I'm very biased when it comes to songwriting and composing.
You're right about phases or strong emotions bringing out the most creative and meaningful of music. Sometimes, extreme happiness, sadness, anguish, admiration, stirs up that deep core of creation. Don't feel bad about that! It's there for us when we can't even place how we feel into words.
Don't shy away from strong feelings, no matter what the source. Channel them and let that music pour out of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your beautiful response, YouWish..
I do recognize that there is a point where these things go too far, when they begin to interfere with your life. I don't believe that my love of him is destructive, and you are right! I am a musician, and come to think of it, I find myself to be at my most productive while I am going through these "phases." I guess I just never put it together before. I may not be able to play the same way he did (I and many others firmly believe that he was a completely unique case) but I feel inspired to make unique music that is completely my own, just like he did.
After reading your response, I feel like my eyes have been opened to my real "problem" here.. I need to channel my strong feelings about him. And music couldn't be a more appropriate outlet! Thank for helping me with my perspective! :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 October 2012):
You don't need help unless you feel yourself becoming obsessed over the guy to the point where it's interfering with your life, causing crippling depression, causing unhealthy obsession, or whatever.
We all tend to connect with certain entertainers through movies or music or sports. The world mourns when the biggest of these stars are taken from us, especially the ones who go early. Michael Jackson, Christopher Reeve, Amy Winehouse, Curt Cobain, Elvis, Tupac, the list goes on and on.
Their craft speaks to us, and it's okay to still be sad at their passing and the loss of their gift. You should seek help if that depression is crippling you. Otherwise, you mentioned how you feel upset about his music making an impact on you, right? How do you express that impact? Do you channel it in positive ways? Does that influence compel you to become a better person or cast your own mark upon society to pay it forward??
I'm saying that you can turn this feeling into something positive, because the real reason that this rock star has such an impression on you is because his music resonates something that is *already* inside you. When I was 10, I admired greatly a musician who I thought was and is brilliant. I channeled that admiration into becoming a musician myself. I'm not saying that you should become a musician (unless you already are one!), but you should channel your admiration into becoming better! His legacy can live on and through you.
I hope that helps at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here.. just wanted to point out that the title given to my post is somewhat inaccurate... it's not a "crush" per se but a massive platonic love for this person and his music.
Just wanted to point that out in case it helps me recieve better answers! :)
But yes that is the main question, do I need help or is this completely normal fan behaviour?
Thank you!
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