A
female
age
30-35,
*pendy
writes:How do I approach him? Will I look desperate if I do?This guy (trainer) at my gym is so cute.He's friendly to everyone and talks to everyone but me:(!!He's always looking at me. He's always in a place where I can see him and he can see me. Always stealing glances at me.I noticed that he gets really shy and nervous when I'm around.He's been looking at me for a while now and the thing is I'm not a confident girl I'm shy too. Cause I feel like he'd never be interested in me.But I really like this guy and I wanna go up to him and chat with him. He has a nice smile so maybe tell him to smile more often cause he looks sexy when he smiles and tell him to text me ( he has my number) cause I don't bite not unless he wants me to.;)I know abit about him cause we've spoken before and he was friendly, open and really chatty.What do you all think? Would it make me look too forward and desperate? I can't ask him out for coffee cause he finish work late.I don't even know if he has a gf. How I do throw that in there? HahaThanks..x
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female
reader, AuntyAunt +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I think the best thing you can do is have a casual, only slightly-flirty conversation. Dropping hints now and then. IF the conversation is kept casual it can't get awkward if you did happen to discover he has a girlfriend. Be friendly and open. If there is no girlfriend in the picture, go for it! If he finishes work late I'm sure he'll suggest a day / time thats best for him if he's really interested!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I'm with Ciar and YouWish - don't be cheesy.
Start out by saying hi, how are you? when you see him at the gym and chat a little here and there. See if he takes an interest or not.
If he doesn't...
You MIGHT want to consider that the guy is SUPER friendly due to his job and that he MIGHT NOT want to date people from the gym.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Well, all I can say that from my experience, guys who don't approach if a relationship happens somehow they are taking a passive role and don't do much initiative in a relationship.
If he likes you and he is confident why would he not come up to you?
If he is cute, he knows it, I m sure you are not the only girl who thinks that.
So, what is the reason he is not approaching you? May be he likes when women do all the work, and he just sits there relaxing and waiting for the fish to come.
I personally woild never come ip to a guy first. They need to work a little to get a girl. Don't make it to easy for him. And if he doesn't come up to you at all, then let it be, find someone who has guts to at least start a simple conversation with a woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Basically I would try and get into casual conversation with him. Naturally and in a general friendly way - then you can see if something develops. Don't approach him in any other way as you may find you have misread the situation. So, go easy and see if you can get to know him first.
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A
female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (4 October 2012):
Start at step one before asking him out, which is simply having a conversation with him. Find out all the things you want to know over a few weeks and get to know him more. I'm sure if he likes you back he'll have no problem whatsoever finding time for you.
I'm not sure if this is something to be concerned about, and it's not an area of my particular expertise - but is he allowed to date his clients? I know some places are against things like that.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I would mostly concur with Ciar, especially the part about jettisoning the cheeseball lines (i.e. sexy, good smile, you don't bite unless he wants you to, etc.). You don't want to come off as offering yourself for casual sex.
However, if you've seen him around, see no ring on his finger, and you're interested, I think you can ask him out! He doesn't work there every day of course, and it's okay to say "hey, I'm **insert name here**. I've noticed you here for some time and I'm interested in seeing you socially. Are you available in the next week?" Do it confidently, but not forcefully. As Ciar said, any information about him is good, so if you know he's interested in something, it might help you out in case he likes concerts, the outdoors, fishing, sports, certain movies, art, etc. Then you can ask him out to something you know he's into, and that usually gives the asker an edge.
I think Ciar's dead on in the approach and in the eliminating of the sexy cheeseball stuff, but I think since you've been seeing him around, asking him out is okay now! Just make it easygoing and confident and warm. Guys do it all the time!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I would definitely NOT tell him he has a nice smile, to smile more, that he looks sexy (especially not that), or that you don't bite unless he wants you to. To put it bluntly, those lines are very cheesy, very forward and not original.
Right now you two don't even greet one another so I think asking him out, even for coffee, is jumping the gun. And as you've pointed out, you don't know if he has a girlfriend. So instead of jumping in full throttle, take your time. First work on speaking to the man and becoming more comfortable around one another.
A simple 'hello' and a smile as you walk by is good enough for now. It's warm, inviting, yet not pushy and you avoid any awkward silence and the pressure to fill them when you say it in passing.
Better to build up common ground first and doing it gradually is the least intimidating and most face saving way to do it.
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