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*eartbrokenxx
writes: Hey Aunts, I just want to ask you a question - I'm having a little trouble with me and my boyfriend of 2 years. We broke up and he is so confusing, just always giving me mixed messages, I miss him so much.I've just realized it's time to move on, and I'm doing my best to do it but we still talk, so how do I tell him we shouldn't talk anymore without offending him? Should I just slowly reply less and gradually stop talking? We do fine as friends but it's easier when I don't have to worry about telling him where I've been and what not.xx
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broke up, mixed messages, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Devilish Angel  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Good for you! I'm so happy for you and proud of you!
xoxo
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 heartbrokenxx, reading your update I see that I got the meaning wrong. What you mean is that HE is leading you on. Well, again, my advice is, tell him exactly what you feel. Tell him he shouldn't continue to give YOU false hope, that he is hurting you, and that you don't want him back anymore. Tell him you don't need anything from him but to be left alone. And then, don't talk to him, don't meet with him, don't believe anything he says and don't accept anything from him. Just stay away from him.
Again, I have to say it would be very wrong if you just stopped talking to him. He wouldn't get the message that he needs to get: that he's hurting you and you want him to stop.
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female
reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (10 February 2008):
heartbrokenxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question we broke up because it wasn't working, we both agreed but then i wanted to work things out but he said it's best we're not friends so i didn't talk but wen we didn't talk
he started talking to me sayin he misses me but he shouldn't hav said it, then he starts bein really nice to me on msn the next day and bein a lil flirty and then wen i said i miss u too the next day he didn't wana talk about it. then we caught up n he kept sayin blunt mean things like we arent togetha anymore i jus wanted to catch up, but then he would treat me like his gf
then we are catchin up on valentines (i dont wana go anymore) but he said after that we shouldn't see each other.
i dont wana talk to him anymore because i can't deal with all this confusion and uncertainty. i miss him so much and the thought of him with someone else is heart aching but..
i suppose if we're supposd to be togetha it will happen, plus i think he will somehow get bak with one of his old ex's his always had a thing for her whether he admitted it or not, they didn't talk but still. i think they are gona get bak..
so i don't wana waste my time.
xx
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male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 February 2008):
Sorry, my opinion is absolutely against that of the other posters. If you really don't want to offend him, speak to him in a clear and direct manner, and tell him exactly what you have told us here. Communication is essential in any relationship, even if the issue is how to end the relationship. By the way, I understand that the relationship is already over. You complain that he is giving you mixed signals; well, so do you. You're giving him false hope, dear, and someone needs to tell you. If you broke up with him, and you see he still has hopes with you, why don't you just tell him to get lost?
I need to say this: hints are just an awful idea. I wonder how it can be that people in general do not see it. Hints are messages that, by their very nature, a person might interpret in different ways. And people in love always tend to see things the rosy manner. That is to say, in exactly the opposite way they should be interpreted.
If you want to have him clinging to you, go ahead and drop hints. If you want him to get lost, tell him to do it. He will appreciate your honesty and your being direct. Believe me.
If you follow this idea of hints, and start not paying attention and not responding to him, he WON'T notice at first. Then he will become confused, just as you are now, and will begin to sort of have the feeling that something is the matter. He will ask you about it. You will say no, of course, because "you don't want to offend him". Maybe you will drop a few sugar-coated phrases, such as good ol' and terrible "I've been busy", "it's not you, it's me", whatever, and he will go home happy that he hasn't lost you. But then things won't change. He will know that something is the matter but will feel that he can do something to "save the relationship". And then he will become clingy, obsessive, et cetera. He will beg, you will say no, he will insist, and the relationship will come to a very, very bitter end, with you blaming him for all the problems.
You say you don't want to offend him. How do you think it feels to be dumped in this "nice" way?
So, do you want to drop hints, or do you want to be straightforward, clear and honest, and talk to him?
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female
reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (10 February 2008):
heartbrokenxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnah i don't want a friendship or anything with him, and the reason i'm movin on is because his too confusin and i cant be bothered waitin round for something thats so hard to work at, i think if we were meant to get back together it wud jus happen. lol he spoke last nite but i came home around 5am n he spoke around 3am so i didn't bother writing back. xo
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female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (10 February 2008):
Its pretty hard to not talk to him...I know how you feel. I just kinda decided that it was better this way because I know he will always see you in a more intimate light because of the fact that you had been together before. You might want friendship but he wants more and he always will. Just don't initiate contact with him and don't answer alot when he texts/calls you. He'll gently get the message and move on.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 When he talks, you just appear to listen but your attention is not there.He will see that you are not interested to talk. Just answer in mono syllables .
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 Just don't log on to wherever it is you talk! Simple!
Eve
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female
reader, chocolatetpots +, writes (10 February 2008):
Hi this is easier than you think. Why stop talking????Just because you are not compatible as girlfriend and boyfriend does not mean you cannot be very good friends and help each other through this, do you not think that he is feeling very much like you are now?Love works in mysterious ways x
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