A
female
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anonymous
writes:Please help me I'm in a state. I'm really in love with someone who I had a serious conversation with tonight I now know there is no point whatsoever of trying with him anymore, he has told me he hasn't got feelings for me and never will. Hard to hear. We once were together but finished, this was because things were going bad with us. His birthday had come and I didn't give him anything because he was horrible to me and upset me the previous day or over the weekend so I had my reasons I wasnt being spineless. After that we kissed and did things relationshipwise but we weren't together. He would mess me about and confuse me. One day yes one day no if you know what I mean but I still carried on loving him. This talk tonight has made me realise. WHAT IS THE POINT of trying with him. Friends? F*ck them in the long run they mean nothing. The one person I want I can't have. Why does it have to be so hard. What is the best way of getting over someone? Considering we are best friends and REALLY close. I don't want our friendship to fade. It's just not happeneing with us it never will how can I accept that???..He tells me I will find someone else but the thing is.. I won't find someone who I have this much in common with I know it. I feel comfortable with him I can tell him anything. This bond I won't feel it with anyone else. The thing I DONT want to hear is. "You will get over him, he is no good" .. "Don't spend time with him".. stuff like that. I understand but I don't take it into account because it's not what I want to hear. Has anyone got any ideas? Plus I know he will be doing things with another girl but I'm standing in the way because she's being a friend and not doing anything because it's not what I want, because I'm so in love with him she knows it will upset me. This jelousy, the love for him. I want it to go away. It's pointless. Any suggestions will be helpful, thanks
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 Time will heal your wounds.You need to forgive him and not hold any anger or grudges against him or anyone. Go out and do those things that you like and enjoy .Go meet your friends and have fun. Soon he will be distant and will not feel the hurt anymore.
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (3 February 2008):
Time will heal your wounds.You need to forgive him and not hold any anger or grudges against him or anyone. Go out and do those things that you like and enjoy .Go meet your friends and have fun. Soon he will be distant and will not feel the hurt anymore.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (3 February 2008):
Time will heal your wounds.You need to forgive him and not hold any anger or grudges against him or anyone. Go out and do those things that you like and enjoy .Go meet your friends and have fun. Soon he will be distant and will not feel the hurt anymore.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (3 February 2008):
Time will heal your wounds.You need to forgive him and not hold any anger or grudges against him or anyone. Go out and do those things that you like and enjoy .Go meet your friends and have fun. Soon he will be distant and will not feel the hurt anymore.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 I am going to suggest that you embrace your pain. Reel it in and let it take you to a far reaching world where everything is bleak. Cry your heart out. When you can cry no more tears I would like you to realize that this pain is the counterpart to the elation you WILL feel one day, again. You can not have joy without pain. As for the memories, they may haunt you today but one day soon you will be very glad for them because they helped develop your ability to be in a relationship. I'm not going to tell you to get over it, to move on or that the guy was a jerk. I'm also not going to tell you to jump into another relationship so that you can forget him. That would not be fair to the new man and like I said, you need to embrace this pain for what it is. It is life. You have the ability to feel. Isn't that wonderful.
Now, I will tell you a sad little story about a woman who was left at the alter by the man of her dreams. She right away married a man who was not capable of love, nor did she care because she didn't want to feel again anyway. About 10 years into the disaster of a marriage the woman became bitter and angry because she felt nothing. She got divorced last year, finally, and began dating someone she really loved who wasn't exactally in the same place. I've got to tell you that woman, me, though I hurt and cry myself to sleep over some man who isn't capable of loving me...it is wonderful to feel so full of life....again.
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female
reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (3 February 2008):
 hrmm, i'm goin thru the exact same thing as u and i hav before which angers me becuz i'm so stupid for not preventing it again. and i hav a chance to right now but i don't want to and i'm contemplatin on it.see, me n my boyfriend of 2 years broke up and on the nite we broke up i criedddddd.. n crieddd, n i cudn't stop also coz he said he didn't want to be friends (which is the best thing to do i realize now) den he started confusin me by talking to me all the time, at niteee.. n stuff, den 3 days past i wouldn't talk to himand he comes out and says i misss you, i thought it was his friends sayin it to play with me so i ignored it i asked his friends if it was them n they said no then he blamed it on other ppl, but wen they left his house i asked him if it was him or not and it was (jus as i suspected) but he said that he shouldn't hav said it. then he went to my friend sayin that he feels so lonely without me and he loves me way way way too much and she said why dont u get bak togetha and he said yeh probs. confusin thing is wen i said i miss u bak to him he told me not to talk about it, then he asked me if i wanted to catch up with him sumtimee? CONFUSIN? yesss.. so i dont think i'm not gona see him and it's best we don't talk anymorebut wat the point of tellin u this is, wud u really go thru all that confusion for him? tryin to read wat he wants? i know "get over him" and not wat u want to hear, but the truth hurts doesn't it? wudn't u rather use ur time goin on and lookin for someone new even if u think there is no one?wud u feel betta to noe dat he is jealous? he MAY or may not come bak, and then even if he doesnt... atleast u'd hav slowly gotten over him by gettin out more and seein him less? i'm gona tell u now his not gona come bak if u beg him, it is a put off for them. i'm sorry to be so plain and harsh, but i think u should really try to change ur thinking bout not hearin wat u don't wana hear. We are here to tell u plain truth. no one here wud manipulate ur decisions, we are here to help =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): Hey we have all been there. Chalk it up to an emotionally unavailable man, a drama junkie of a man and a jerk who refuses to commit, but is dependent on your love and attention....It doesn't sound like you can stop the romance and be his friend right now, so the best thing to do is to cut contact, all contact with him now, without any explanation....if this guy really loves you and isn't saying so, he will start calling you up again.....Tell him if he isn't careful he is going to lose you forever, and then turn on your heel and walk away, don't look back. If he loves you he will start to act almost clingy where you are concerned....if you do get him back, tell him you want a commitment of exclusivity, ask him if he wants to be an adult and grow in this relationship of love with you, or remain a little boy with no one significant in his life. If he doesn't turn the corner in about three months, cut him loose or do it now, give him what he wants and dump him. Because you don't deserve to be someone's back up plan, you are literally wasting your heart and love life on this chump who can't be strong enough to be your man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): Look I have been in your same situation before where my ex bf wanted to end things but confused me for a long time and then eventually "officially" ended things with me and even told me that he was going to date other women. This was all news to me because I had no idea that he didn't love me anymore. As for me, I loved him alot and had never even thought about another guy which was all the more shocking. At first I tried to change his mind and asked him to reconsider. But when he told me he had plans to date other girls, that did it for me.
And I did what I had to do in that situation. Constantly distracted myself, met alot of people, tried to avoid thinking about him, and just tried my best to have fun and move on. I'll admit there were plenty of nights where I cried myself to sleep and felt anxious and cried desperately. I thought about calling him a few times, but I didn't, I guess my dignity was worth more to me than a guy who didn't even love me anymore. I stayed strong and so should you cause its not the end of the world, not even close.
And after he saw that I respected his wishes and let him go so "easily" (or so he thought cause I never let him see me cry), a few months later he regretted leaving me the way he did. I mean we were so inlove at one time. And when a person loves you at one point, even if they think they don't love you anymore, those feelings will resonate again in the future. It doesn't mean you'll get back together, but you'll always have a place in their heart. After a few months my ex, the same guy who wanted to date other girls, started writing songs about me and called and apologized for leaving me the way he did. If they see that you are strong and you are not dying without them, all of a sudden you become more interesting to them.
Just be strong, my dear. You're not going to die without him, furthermore, that is the LAST thing you want him to think. I mean this whole talk about how you will never meet anyone like him, you don't want him to know you feel that way. On the contrary, act like you will be just fine without him, even though its bullshit and you are going to crawl into bed and cry, but don't ever let him know that. And really do try to move on and BE STRONG. For everytime you do crawl in bed and cry, try to alternate it between going out with your friends. One night stay home and the next night go out, even if you have to force yourself. Get out there and enjoy the single life. Its not that bad. You'll see. And things WILL work themselves out.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 Dear poster, my first suggestion is that you overcome this feeling of yours about not wanting to hear things like "you will get over him". I came to this site because of a similar situation. The good agony aunts who helped me didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. They told me the bare facts, painful as they were. Now I have moved onto happier times and recognize the value of their advice, painful as it was.
If you want to find the way out of this, you need to keep your mind open to "the things you don't want to hear". Just as in life. If you had an incurable disease, maybe you wouldn't want to hear about it, but, would that make it go away? What kind of relief would it be to deny the disease is there?
Dear poster. Indeed, you will get over him, even if he's so good. And maybe you will never find someone as good to you as he was. But I see you have come to understand that it's just pointless to keep insisting with him. Some day you will also understand that it just makes no sense to waste your life away over someone who won't be coming your way. Dionne Warwick used to sing a wonderful song that deals with this, "I'll never love this way again". The key line, I guess, is "A fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday".
At some point, someone will be interested in you. Will you say no to that love, because someone else said no to you?
If you have had more than one love, you find that every one of them had good points, bad points, and that perhaps one of them is preferable among them all. And then you also find that those failures help you better define what you're really into. I wouldn't be so sure that you won't find someone else you will be able to relate to at the same level. Sometimes, the life does give you surprises.
The pain of love is like a terrible disease. It does bring you down. Is that how you want to live? What about the good things of life? Won't you ever again enjoy a good night of sleep because someone dumped you?
It's very difficult to think that the person you love will enjoy sex with someone else. It's also pointless pain.
He played games with you. That makes it all harder, because you had the sweet days and then the bitter ones. But, you need to move on, anyways.
As I grow older, I have had the chance to watch people who were unable to move on from a bad love. That is so corrosive. Their lives end. Don't let that happen to you, dear Poster.
Please, don't think that can't understand your pain. Much to the contrary; I'm giving you this advice because I know exactly what you're feeling. And I know how I got out of that.
Go on with your life and enjoy the things that give you pleaasure. Pamper yourself. And don't close the door to a new love.
I hope I have helped you. If you need more help, you know where to find me. And then, I'm sure other agony aunts and uncles will help you, too.
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male
reader, adrsep4 +, writes (3 February 2008):
Oh man! i TOTALLY Know wat u mean right now i really really like this girl but alot of the time it seems pointless. i'm sorry to say i've even done this to ppl anyways, i guess there are two ways. 1. go out with somebody else so u can over him. but i'm guessing thats not good enough so sadly ur only other option is to let time heal you:( its seems bad now i know but in a couple of months this may seem like nothing to you. don't restrain your self just live your life
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPlus the memories we shared. They will always be in my head which I think of EVERY day. Gets me depressed.
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