A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, i was in a strange relationship, started with my roommate, we ended up having sex and creating a relationship, i knew he was going to stay for a few months . also we talked about having other people, i made him promise me to let me know if he was going or been in an other relationship, he agreed, but i found out he was sleeping with an other woman for the same period of time as we did, the worst of the story is, that he was sleeping with her unprotected. i was confused and angry, but after knowing that, i slept with him again and again, i really don't understand my behavior I'm confused and disoriented well thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): I think you are answering this question yourself with your own language..."a strange relationship" , your description, not a conventional one."with my roommate", What sort of living arrangement is this?You ended up having sex as if you had nothing else to do."and creating a relationship" - Sex first, then create a relationship!!!Not good! "stay for a few months" . Sounds like it was always going to be temporary. "talked about having other people". Not an exclusive relationship then. Presume "the worst of the story" is because you were all having unprotected sex. Best get checked out then. Lesson for the future first is your living arrangements; and unprotecetd sex. Work on those first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008):
We aren't born knowing how we should behaviour and act in all situations, instead we learn through what are usually painful and hurtful experiences.
I think everyone has been in your situation, or if they haven't, they probably will be at some point in their future.
Best thing to do in these situations is to give it time, and once you can make more sense of it, it won't seem so bad. Life is about experiences, some good, some bad. It's only tragic when you repeatedly make the same mistakes and never learn anything from them.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Sometimes you need to stop for a while and think whether a person would be likely to do something. For example, in this case, he was sleeping with another woman. You asked him to let you know in case he were sleeping with someone else. The obvious conclusion would be that you would leave him if he did. So, he was unlikely to be honest, because that would mean not having his cake and eating it, too.
I believe you are in a strong need of affection, at the very least. And maybe you even really love him. But you need to love yourself, too. You can't let him abuse you the way he is doing it. You love him, he doesn't. He lied and cheated on you, and will continue to do it for as long as you let him. He lives in the same place as you. I would expect him to be more caring.
The sad truth in love and life is that you need to grow claws and teeth if you don't want people to walk over you all the time. We want to be different with the people we love. We wish to think that there is someone out there who will stand by us, who won't lie, won't cheat; someone we can give up our defenses with. Sometimes that happens, and it's wonderful. But only too often we delude ourselves. I am sure that many of us who came to this site gave up our defenses once, or more than once.
I think the best advice I can give you is to stop seeing him and sharing the room with him. You deserve a lot better than this man. Don't let him mistreat you this way.
Take much care.
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A
female
reader, Ms Tee  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 The forsu poster is right; stop beating yourself up; sometimes when someone has hurt us and we feel vulnerable, all we want is for them to be nice to us (which often involves sex. If you can cope with the situation and take it at face value, then carry on, but if not, call it quits and stay friends xx
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A
female
reader, heartsick +, writes (5 February 2008):
Stop beating yourself up!!Attraction is a powerful feeling, and since when did your heart or even your hormones do what your head told them to?There could be several reasons why you carried on your relationship - plain old lust, wanting to try to get control back, low self esteem possibly, even competitiveness and maybe wanting him to choose you over her. Chances are - if he did choose you, your fixation may be over.He should not have put you at risk, and it was wrong of him to lie to you - but the fact that you are still sleeping with him is giving him the impression he can get away with it...... because he is!I doubt he is ever going to be your Prince Charming (not a good bet at all, i'd say), but if you can handle that you might get hurt and you want to continue the arrangement, just make sure you stay (physically) protected. It's your choice.It doesn't make you weak if you've considered the facts and you WANT to continue. It's only weak if you are doing it to try to regain confidence or if you feel you can't do any better.You have a choice. Do yourself a favour, and don't let this guy think he is the one holding all the cards. If you continue to sleep with him, try to get things more on your terms. You CAN do better, and you will get yourself a man who values you too much to dare mess you about. But if this is what you want for now, detach yourself a little and only do what you want to.But stop beating yourself up. You're a grown woman. You can make your own choices if you've considered the consequences!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): In my heyday, a long time ago, I was able to service up to six women (you can call it bragging but it was fact). The difference was that I was honest about it and they all knew there were others (just not exactly how many). This was prior to HIV, and most STDs were scarce among attractive young ladies.So it sounds like your roommate/lover has a bit of a harem going on there, and you are part of his stable - but he is not honest about it. You can take it or leave it.
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