A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK so I met this guy two days ago when he sold me my new mobile phone. He is 35 I'm 33 we are both single and from the same religion. We hit it off quickly and spent like a half hour talking about our personal lives. He seemed very interested and I'm interested also. He invited me to his church and I called him today for something regarding my cell phone and he said that he could come today to my house (my parents') (a 35min. drive) just to clarify my doubts when he finishes his shift at 9pm. What a service! LOL! I know the rest of my posting is a little superficial but he is not exactly the kind of man I like physically speaking and he has his own house but he doesn't earn that much money. I've studied hard to grow as a professional and will be starting my PhD. in August. I don't have a decent job but only two low income part time jobs to pay off my credit card debts and survive while I live with my parents and find a job in the area I studied (I have a Master's). The prob is I really wanted to find someone with the same level of professionalism and potential so I don't know if I should go with the flow of the frienship/courtship because he is looking for something serious and me too and us women like to think about the future and most relationship problems come from economical problems. He already commented while talking about parents who want us women to get married (I told him I wasn't in a rush) that I should not look for someone with a lot of money to get married as a suggestion. I think he was trying to tell me something about him with that comment. Also, althugh my family says any job dignifies the person I know they wouldn't like very much the fact that the guys sells mobile phones for living and is not a professional like me. Yes, I know I'm a professional but I'm not working as a professional but I will soon, but he I don't know. Anyway, Should I go on with this courtship?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Sorry, girls. The other side of the coin. I don't see how his not being a professional defines who he is, or how good he would be to you, the kind of father he would be, or even the amount of money he could eventually have. A relationship needs to be sustainable, but I think money or schooling should not be the deciding factors. If you want love, that is, affection, support, interest in you, a caring man, then I suppose that money or schooling are not the parameters that let you measure it.
Sorry, but this is a problem of status, more than compatibility. I see that's very important for you.
If I were him and I knew you were thinking this way, I would leave you right away, to spare myself the heartbreak in the future. I'm saying this also because it's generally a very bad sign when a woman thinks twice about being with you. In the overwhelming majority of cases, that means you won't make it with her.
Would you love a man, or his profession?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Well first off, you shouldn't care so much what your parents think. I mean you are 33 years old, well into adulthood. You are an individual, and you are definitely old enough to know that and see that. The choice is yours not theirs. If you find someone who is perfect for YOU, then clearly your parents will like him. Your parents will like anyone who genuinely makes you happy.
And if good economic standing and professionalism is a quality that is important to you, then this guy is not the one for you.
When I was younger I too used to date guys I thought my parents would like and approve of. But none of them ever really turned out to be anybody I was crazy about. Eventually as I matured, I realised how much of a puppet I was to my parents opinions and I had no individuality. I personally like guys who are a bit edgy and creative, but who I totally click with mentally. I'll be honest, even though I stopped caring about my parents opinions (aka I will not end up with a lawyer), I do still date very educated and driven guys. That's important to me. I personally like musicians, artists and guys I actually have stuff to talk about with and who I actually find interesting. I don't care if he's rich, as long as he is educated, super intelligent, driven and independent and we're on the same page.
Education and success is also very important to me, despite my parents. Despite what they think, it is something I figured out on my own that I want. So forget what your parents think, and really find out what is truly important to you as an individual and go with it.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 "I don't know if I should go with the flow of the frienship/courtship because he is looking for something serious and me too" - You've only known him a couple of days, how do you know he's looking for something serious? He may be in the middle of studies too for all you know. I wouldn't run before you can walk here. You are both still young enough to enjoy one another's company and see how things pan out without thinking of the future so seriously.
If you were to meet a professional the same as you're eventually hoping to be, it might end up you both spend so much time focussed on your careers that you won't have time to spend quality time together and THAT is how a lot of marriages end up going sour.
I say take it a step at a time and get to know him better first. True happiness after all, isn't about how fat your paycheck is!!!
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, heartsick +, writes (5 February 2008):
You might be losing out on a great relationship by having such a view, but it does sound pretty embedded.For all you know this guy might have the potential to become a lot more than a phone salesman. Then again, he doesn't deserve to have someone be disappointed in him if the job he has chosen is not what she thinks of as successful.Part of me thinks you should give him a try, and then work out whether you're attracted enough to him to overcome your doubts. Another part of me feels that you could damage this guy a lot by judging him in this way.I appreciate that you're studying hard, and perhaps you have the potential to become a professional - but there's a fine line between having healthy self esteem and looking down on others. See things from his point of view - you live with your parents at 33, you're not yet the professional you aspire to be - he's hardly a golddigger!Don't get me wrong - I can partly see your point. We all have standards and dreams, whether we acknowledge them or not. But to be so detached from how you FEEL about him as to be able to ask this question, I don't think you're seriously interested in him, and it may be kinder not to encourage him if all you feel is flattered.
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