A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am writing to ask your opinion about my friendship with a married man. I am married also, and over the last couple of years we have become quite friendly.We only see each other about once a week very briefly at school to say a few words, and we email now and again also. He was overseas recently and we kept in touch thru email. He and his wife have had dinner with us, but i definately feel that there is some kind of attraction between us. I am a bit concerned as i don't want to mention it to him as i am embarrassed about it and i could be totally wrong. I just get the impression by the awkwardness between us sometimes, the way he won't always look me in the eyes when talking to me and the way he is always smiling at me. Any ideas as to what to do, or not do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): NO I THINK YOU ARE NOT BEING HONEST WITH YOURSELF. YOU WERE ASKING PERMISSION WHETHER IT IS ALRIGHT!. You are playing a dangerous game. Why be so bold and ask him whether he is interested in you when you in fact are the one looking for more action - and this is not from your husband. You say you do not want to get hurt- hey how about you hurting this mans wife, or don't you care, you want to cross the boundaries here and you are too much of a coward to admit it. You actually wanted permission to start an affair, and were trying to be subtle. you did not like the answers/suggestions given to you because we have been forthright in our response to you. So no, cheating on your husband of 20 years is a big NO NO. Cheating with another married man is also a NO NO. You will destroy 2 homes and 2 other adults lives, not to mentions the kids if you continue in this manner to find outside stimulation. You are looking for signals if he is interested. well if he is then what then? Would you indulge even though you claim to be happily married. Its time to start being honest (even if to yourself). You are walking a dangerous path and once you take this road you will have no one but yourself to blame for the destruction and pain you will cause. Please leave this married man alone. Cut the email communication and other "availability elements" you are throwing at him. respect his marriage and wife even though you do not respect yours and stop inviting the wife into your home, she is looking at you as a friend, however you are ready to steal her man, you know this, but you are a coward not to acknowledge it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): I do NOT want to have an affair. I am very happy with my husband and vice versa. We have been together over 20 years
and are very happy. This is why i am totally confused by this other man. I don't want anyone to be hurt - all i'm asking is whether or not my instincts are correct. I don't want to embarrass myself by asking if he feels anything, but i think if i knew one way or the other, we could talk and laugh about it and that would be that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): We know the attraction is wrong but the urge to connect feels so right yet severe destruction may follow if self-restraint is not exercised.
Since you are married and fancy the other married fellow you have to ask yourself why you need this fellow's affections over your husbands. What is missing in your relationship? Why do you need an affair to cope with your own relationship? Surely, when you met your husband you fancied him just as you fancy the new guy now-what has changed? Is your husbands less affectionate with you now? Is he taking you for granted? Do you want romance in your life?
I think the other fellow is attracted to you too. I think your intuition is right but I urge you to work on your primary relationship. That is where there should be some work in progress.
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A
female
reader, thomas winter  +, writes (7 July 2009):
Please leave well alone, both he and you are married. The reality of an affair is devastating. you could only imagine the hurt and pain that would be caused to two families. Imagine how you would feel if your husband had an affair, Mine did and is now gone. Talk to your husband and act together to make things so special that you dont want to even think about this man in this way again. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): You will get hurt and the emptiness that pervades an affair is not something I would recommend. Realise that the fantasy idea is better than the reality. Work out why you are feeling like this about another man. Work on your marriage and if you cannot improve it then divorce. Then you are free to find another guy.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 July 2009):
 What are you kidding???... Your both married and you arn't sure how he feels???
Leave it well alone and let it die...Your just building up a store of misery for yourself. Thank god you have a loving husband...you may never get another, and least of all someone else's.
Aunty Em
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 July 2009):
If you think you can be a friend to this guy and nothing more then carry on and do just that.
But if you think you could have feelings for him, or he could have feelings for you then stop seeing him and stop emailing him so much.
Get out and meet some new guys!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (7 July 2009):
Yes, stop working on a relationship with another married man. Are your morals really that low? Why would you break up your family and his for something that could turn out to be nothing in the long run?
If you want to start dating, or hate the marriage that you're in then do the right thing, divorce your husband. But don't start cheating behind your husbands back, he doesn't deserve that. He deserves the truth, and if you're unwilling to stay in your marriage then he deserves to be let go so he can find someone else who is more trustworthy.
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