A
male
age
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*aymond young
writes:i have been in a relatinonship for nearly 20years with my partner we have had 3 children 2 boys 18-16 and a girl 5.i have had mental health problems since before we met and gradualy got worse over the years and i have neglected her by never showing any emotion or love been given to her yet i have never stopped loving her as i think she is my sole mate.but over the past few weeeks she has been goin out as i felt she deserved it becase of what i was doing to her yet 2 second time she supposed to have gone out she has fell for another man just for chatting her up and she has been seeing nad phoning him regular i found out and was shocked to find she wants to leave me when she has only known him for less than we have talked for the first time in years and i have found out we both pretty much want the same thing from our relationship but i was to affraid to tell her about boosting my sexual relationship as i feel she would think am an oold perv.she is 10 years younger than me but i love the ground she walks on but i have never told her as it was un macho?look forward to hearing from anyone about this and how can she have fallen for him so quickly Reply to this Question
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (10 July 2009):
She has been deprived of emotional nurturing and this new bloke gave her a taste. (He gave a thirsty desert walker a huge drink) If there is any chance of saving your marriage, you have to learn how to meet her emotional needs. Be careful not to use your mental health issues as an excuse to not providing this for her as it is your responsibility as her husband.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 July 2009):
 I am so sorry to hear this has happened...sorry it was too late for you to save things. It breaks my heart to know you didnt have a chance to put things right, but life deals hard blows all the time.I hope you find peace.Aunty Em
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (5 July 2009):
 Hoping that life opens another door that is filled with the happiness and love you desire but also now prepared to give. Good Luck
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A
male
reader, raymond young +, writes (4 July 2009):
raymond young is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it looks lik i,v got what i deserve and we are going to split up i have shown her what my love is now but its way to late and i regret evrything what av done but i will be the one leaving as i would not be able to look after the children as i am well devasteted
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A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (3 July 2009):
I know things have been tough for you but 20 years without love is also tough. If you get a second chance you will be lucky but keeping her once she has seen the beauty of the other side will mean becoming someone you haven't been.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): she has been craving affection and intimacy, along comes a man who can offer all this, you admit to not giving it, can you blame her for accepting? i do not think that you have lost her though, if you work hard and show her that you want a change and are willing to start anew, in time im sure she will accept you have changed. you must start talking to her now though, be like an open book, just say what you are feeling, tell her you know how you have been now, you are sorry, and that you want her more than anything. good luck
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 July 2009):
Im sorry for being so blunt and I totally sympathise that you are coping with a mental health issue, but if you can write here and profess that you love your wife so deeply...why can't you tell her to her face???!!!!!
It doesn't make any sense. You say that you don't say it because it's 'Not Macho'??? seriously???. Letting her walk into the arms of another man because you don't have the guts to admit to her how much you love her is very unmacho ( although I think the whole macho thing is a load of rubbish and just an excuse)
You obviously have deeper issues with yourself and probably coping with the mental health thing has made your life akward...but you have this loving woman in your life and that is a whole lot more than a lot of other people have!!!
Stop messing her around, give her the love she wants and needs. Force yourself to just say it, and show her. Tell her you desire to make love to her again and that she means the world to you. Don't beg, but just be straight with her. Age doesn't come into it when you have been together for so long. She must have loved you for years to stay with you.
You can fix this if you act quickly but it's going to take a massive effort. If you truly love her, you will do what it takes, just like any loving man would.
Also get help for your mental health condition.
I hope it's not too late for you.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (3 July 2009):
 well sometimes things like that happen i mean you've stated you've suffered with a mental health problem and you've said you've neglected her.
she may feel so tired of looking after children as well as looking after you ( not being rude or anything ) and maybe she just wants someone to look after her and care for her as she has done for her family not saying you've not cared for her but she's had children to bring up and look after you due to a mental health illness that's going to be a strain and then you neglecting her she probably doesn't really feel at all appreciated and this man maybe her ticket to appreciation and someone to look after her and care for her a bit.
maybe this is why she's fallen so quickly for him because he's shown her everything she was hoping to get from her marriage but couldn't shes really basically looking after number one now and that's her and he's obviously shown her that he wants to look after her too.
Sad story but try not to get too bummed out and don't feel like an old perve it's not that big an age gap.
you just have to appreciate she's moving on from the marriage.
hope this helps sorry if anything seems rude i don't mean it to come across like that
chin up
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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