A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, i'm about 10 weeks pregnant and my husband has a thing for thinner models like kate moss and the like. He once told me he married me largely because he knew I'd always be one to stay naturally slender, because of how naturally skinny I already am and how skinny my entire family is. He told me that when he wants to last longer while we're having sex, he just pictures heavier women like Gena Davis and Renee Zellweger. He tells me he thinks more than 9/10ths of the world's population of women are too heavy and that with my skinny frame, I'm one of the only women who he sees who can turn him on consistently. He is what I guess you could call a 'fat fattist' because he is about 275 at a height of about 5'7--and, no, not much of this is muscle. So, now I'm starting to gain weight-just a little bulge-and my clothes are starting to get a tiny bit tighter. My hunger has increased, but I do my best to eat low calorie snacks like carrots and celery because I know the fiber will help stave off hunger without all the extra calories to burn. I make sure to take alot of vitamins, though. The other night, my husband and I were starting foreplay, and he laid his hand on my growing tummy bulge, and he started to go soft. He took his hand away and played with other parts of my body and got his erection again, and for the first time in a long time, we had sex doggy style, I guess so he wouldn't have to look at or feel the bulge. Later I asked if anything was wrong, and he told me he was worried about me gaining weight while I was pregnant. He was also worried I wouldn't be able to lose it after pregnancy. He was even worried about our baby, saying if I ended up getting fat during pregnancy, that the baby would be fat too, and especially if it turned out to be a girl, it would not have a fair chance at having a successful life if it were fat. Well, I hate to say it, but part of me agrees. I know that the baby is going to grow inside of me no matter, what, but I don't want a fat baby either, and I certainly don't want to be any much larger than I am right now, after I've given birth. I think, baby aside, that I have about 10 pounds or less to gain before my husband totally loses interest in me physically and will seek the physical company of another thin woman-probably a skinny prostitute (he has resorted to them before meeting me). The bulge itself as it grows might be enough to turn him completely off, if he can't avoid seeing it... And, if I do end up larger all over and have the baby and can't lose all of it soon and permanently, I know my husband will leave me. I know it because I know this is how much he cares about this. How should I maintain my small figure for the duration of pregnancy? Right now I'm about 5'5 and 90 pounds. I workout 5 days a week now and eat maybe 1000 to 1100 calories a day, though the hunger is getting stronger. Yes, part of me is doing this for him, but also part of me is doing it for the baby--I don't want it to grow up without a father because daddy left mommy because she gained some weight...and I want my child to have a fair chance in the world by not being born entombed in a huge layer of 'baby fat.' Thanks for your advice with this problem.
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male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (6 July 2009):
you will gain the weight of the baby and whilst carrying the baby some more weight with the water protecting the baby.
Your boobs are also likely to get bigger.
If you carry on eating as you are you risk losing the baby. Maybe your husband and you should swap diets.
A
female
reader, r_a_w_r1645 +, writes (6 July 2009):
 omg u need to be big for the baby. lose weight after u have it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): What if you had a life-threatening illness, and the only way to treat it was to take some medication which would, unfortunately, make you put on weight? Would you rather die to keep your husband happy? Or would your own feelings about this issue make you feel that you'd rather die than put on weight?
If your answer is yes, then I'm not judging you. But I do agree with everyone else that it might be a wise idea to think about getting help.
You hear of people who feed and feed their partners until they are at risk of illness, because they like bigger figures. This sounds like the opposite scenario, but it is just as serious.
Who do you value more? Yourself or your husband? You are already seriously underweight. Your weight alone would put you in the "anorexic" category, did you know that?
When you have check-ups, someone very soon is bound to comment on your weight, and how you really need to put on weight. I don't know what will happen if you don't listen to them, as I've never been pregnant before. But they will probably take this very seriously.
I don't think you are shallow, or a bad person, but I do think that you have serious issues regarding weight. And I too am extremely concerned for the welfare of your child, both now and after it is born.
So please, consider getting some help. I don't know if this is something you can tackle alone. So please don't try to. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): Tell your fat ass husband to go ahead and find a prostitute and you'll find someone who loves you for who you are. Evidently you care more about what your husband thinks than you care about your baby. During Angelina Jolie's pregnancy, people talked about how skinny she was. I remember this, and it's not normal. She's gross anyway.
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A
female
reader, Brook_e_boo +, writes (4 July 2009):
 i agree wit every one else i am 13 and apparintly i know more about bbys than u do are u joking this is to unreal u have to gain a little wight to have a bby. and i hope u do put the bby up for addoption please for the sake of the bby cause i would hate to be that kid with a father pressering me to stay skinny wow please put the bby up for addoption
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): You and your husband are the most shallow people on the planet. I can't even believe this. I bet its fake! A 2 year knows you gain weigh during pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, marietomates +, writes (4 July 2009):
 I call fake post as well. And if it isn't fake here's my honest opinion:1) Your husband sounds like a shallow jerk. Wouldn't you rather have a husband who rubs your belly and gets excited that that's his baby growing inside of you? All he cares about is how you look. What if you do get fat and he won't touch you anymore or he won't look at you the same? Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who only loves you for your looks? 2) Did you really say you didn't want a fat baby? 3) Please put the child up for adoption.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 I hope this isn't a real post.
That baby needs to have proper nutrition and prenatal care or he'll be damaged for life!!
You can always lose the weight after you have him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): i'm afraid that this indeed could be a real post. :(
google it:
pregorexia
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/08/11/earlyshow/health/main4337521.shtml
there are hundreds of pages mentioning it. something like this definitely calls for therapy, but this question asker seems like she's in the peak of denial right now and her husband sounds like he's highly ignorant and perhaps controlling. hopefully once her pregnancy progresses, she will see how futile a struggle this is and how dangerous it is as well for herself and for her baby. i really do pray for the health of her baby.
poster, please let go of your fear. let your baby grow with the nutrients it so desperately needs. if you gain weight, i am sure with your fast metabolism that you will easily be able to lose all of it after birth. also, i'm sure that deep within you are aware that all babies come into the world 'fat.' if you have a 'skinny' baby, then that's the time to worry.
infant starvation/malnutrition can lead to brain damage and a host of other physical problems that your child will have to live with for the rest of its life if you continue to give into your and your husband's fears and dislike for fat. if your husband is so focused on this and can't be realistic, he isn't worth being your husband. he sounds like he is attached to your body, not to you as a person.
both of you sound like you are sick and in need of therapy, if not a divorce. your baby (and you!) would actually be better off without the husband being around-especially if it's a girl-because of his extreme objectification of women, that you too are buying into as well.
get out and get therapy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): I posted this question.
Of course I am going to gain weight--the weight of the baby, and yes, I am worried that when my stomach grows more my husband will not even want to look at me, but what I am more asking about is not gaining any weight aside from the weight of the baby itself-I don't want a fatter butt, arms, or legs. I really don't and I'm sure that my husband will be absolutely repulsed by any of it. I have seen some pics of celebrities, like Angelina Jolie, who don't gain anything but the baby itself.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (4 July 2009):
 You need to go talk to a doctor about the reality of pregnancy. I have trouble believing this post, but in the case that you and your husband are both truly serious - you realize that you want a HEALTHY baby, not a SKINNY baby. Most babies come out pretty chubby, it's called "baby fat". But you gaining weight during a pregnancy won't make your baby fat - your genetics will. And your genetics suggest that your side will give your child skinny genes, and if the child ends up being hefty, you can blame your husband for that.
You two have a twisted, unrealistic relationship to your weight, your pregnancy and each other. You definitely need to go to a doctor and get a reality check regarding what is best for you and the child. By the way, all celebrities gain weight during pregnancy, where do you think the child grows? Look through this webpage: http://celebritypregnancy.sheknows.com/ and look at all the pictures of pregnant celebs. IT HAPPENS.
I really hope this is a fake post, but if it's not - start worrying about having a healthy happy baby, rather than endangering your child by under eating and worrying that she won't end up skinny as a rail.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): seriously! are you for real? of course your going to gain weight during pregnancy, its natural. And if you fear your husband would look elsewhere because you gained weight by having his child then im afraid your relationship is not as solid as you may have thought. you think its normal in a relationship to be worried he will go off and look for thinner prostitutes? you and him really need to wise up and understand that there is more to life than body fat. i wish you both luck, and hope you realise what important in life, and please do not starve your baby lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): Well, from the pictures I've seen, some celebrities don't seem to gain any weight when they're pregnant, and they look like everything's going okay and unfortunately it even looks that in some photos their babies are still fat even if the mother never got fat. Some of the mothers look like they actually lost weight, if anything.
Even if I end up convinced that I HAVE to gain some weight during this, I don't know how I am going to keep my husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): If daddy does leave mommy for gaining weight then daddy was an ass.sorry to put it so bluntly but obviously your husband is really not sensitive at all.You realise you need to gain weight during pregnancy and im sick to my stomach the fact you are starving yourself.This baby has serious risk issues and you if you decide to starve you and the baby.this baby could die! You and your husband really need a life check as you are going to gain weight unless you dont want this baby.if you dont get an abortion.you shouldnt have decided to have this child if you didnt read everything there was about pregnancy and its obvious you are going to gain weight.where do you think the baby will grow? its not going to stay small in your stomach and needs space to grow.As AuntyEm says you really do need proffesional help.
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A
female
reader, Fifteen +, writes (3 July 2009):
wow im the same height as you and i weifh 20 pounds more. im not pregnant. im healthy and skinny and im 15! GAIN SOME WEIGHT!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 July 2009):
 Hmmm maybe a hoax...but if not...then you seriously need to consult a psychiatrist. This is crazy talk and both you and your baby are at serious risk if you starve yourself during pregnancy. On average you should be eating at least twice the calories you normally eat but sticking to a good balanced diet. I am seriously concerned that you have such a negative view of baby fat??? Please seek professional help.
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