A
female
age
41-50,
*lairyfairy
writes:I'm so lonely that i cry about it most days. I'm recovering from a relationship where ive been messed around and had my heart absolutely crushed to pieces. I spilt up with my boyfriend 9 months ago after 3 years on and off. I've waited for him, havent been with anyone else hoping that one day he would realise that i am the best thing and that i could give him anything. And yet after all those times of crying. Wondering where is he. Missing him. His touch. Kiss. Love. I've found out that he had slept with 10 women or more while he was begging me back. Saying how he will never love anyone like he loves me. And yet he was dating and sleeping around. I still loved him and was so lonely on my own but i didnt want anyone else. I was crushed absolutely to the point where i had a breakdown. Now im in the position where he's begging me again to go back. But i know i cant cos he wont change. I'm so lonely and cant seem to find anyone. I have a daughter who is 5. I just feel so unhappy. All my friends have partners. Holidays together. Spend there evenings together and im so jealous. I have offers but havent found anyone that i feel right with. I've also lost loads of confidence cos if he cant love and be with me after giving him everything who will. Sometimes i feel like I'm always gonna feel like this... And i do deserve to be happy. Wish someone would just come into my life and give me hope.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Hunny, I don't know what it is about us girls that we want to hang onto the bad boys. Over and over it seems men can dump around on us and we take it and take it,either because we have kids, or lack of confidence, or dont like our bodies, or live with eternal hope that things will change. I know some men have the same thing with bad girls, but looking at the amount of women who have this kind of problem and ask for help on this site it makes you wonder what is going on.
You have made the first important step of removing this man from your life and keeping him out for a lengthy amount of time. He is whingeing and begging to come back because he probably doesn't have anyone else to sleep with at the moment. If he comes back you know yourself, there is a very high chance he will cheat again and again and again. He comes back to you because he knows your needy of him and he can literally do as he likes and still have love from you. It's cruel in the worst possible way because your feelings are genuine and his are not...he is just manipulating the situation to keep a roof over his head. It's despicable and is making you very upset.
I know it is hard hunny but you have to shut the door for once and for all. Sometimes you have to be out of the woods for a while before you can really get a clear view of things. You know what he is doing is wrong. Your love has never been enough from stopping him cheating in the past, so what makes you think it will in the future...believe me he's just going to get worse and worse...a leopard never changes it's spots.
Protect yourself and your child. Every bit of energy you spend thinking about him is energy wasted. Turn the focus onto you. You appear to be a good sweet person who's taken a lot of shit from him and if you completely erradicate him out of your life...you will begin to feel better and your confidence will return. I am right with you hunny on this one, as my partner left me 2 days ago without proper explaination. I feel sad about it, and I have even less prospect than you to meet someone as I am much older, but I won't be beaten and I doubt I will take him back if he returns.
There is a saying ' when your going through hell, just keep going' There is no point looking back and eventually you will meet someone else. You must be an attractive girl, as other men have offered to date you.
Be strong, close the door and don't fall for the bullshit anymore.
best of luck hunny and keep us posted...xxx
Aunty Em xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Hi lovely, im raven. Im sorry for your pain. Im so sorry u fell for a narcissit man. My darlin, he's either immature or plain messed up. U have a daughter to raise in a 'stable' respectful loving environment. You both deserve that. Any love that inflicts pain,robs u of ure confidence,cheats.Aint love! Love ureself first plse! Cut him loose! Pain cannot apease that lonliness. Be free! Get rid of his memories NOW!
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Why do you think you deserve to be happy when everyone else is miserable? None of us has any more hope, or confidence, or happiness, or love than the next person. It's all that crap you see in the movies and watch on television and read in women's magazines that gives you your phony outlook on life. All that happiness you see is a put-on, just something people wear when they're in public. When they get home, close the door, they're just as miserable as you.
I know a lot of drug addicts who think like you do. For God's sake, please stay away from booze and drugs until you get out of this funk.
You're too immature and fragile to enjoy sex for sheer pleasure, so I'll advise you to ignore this clown for a long time. Men like sex, and you give great sex. It's no more than that. Now get over it.
You say you've dated, so obviously you're not totally disgusting. Make yourself feel better today by visiting a very poor part of town and taking pity on extremely horrendous-looking people. Think to yourself, Jesus, I'm glad I don't look like that troll. Try to train yourself to spot pathetic people wherever you go and be glad you're not them. Think how they look naked and ask yourself if anyone you ever dated would sink so low to do them. (The answer is probably not!) Once you start noticing how ugly many people are, start noticing how stupid the pretty ones are.
As you begin to realize how much better you are than most, you need to pick up a hobby. It doesn't have to be something you enjoy, but something that will occupy your free time--fully. Also, consider becoming a workaholic--not an alcoholic. The world turns because of productive people, become one of them. Find meaning in your life from your actions and quit looking for meaning from others.
Good luck!
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