A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years, we had a rocky start and for most of the years a pattern seemed to follow where we would tell me that he needed some space. I would then give it to him and after a few days we would get back together and things would be great. Saturday he asked for some space the last time he did this was a year ago. We have just been travelling to Australia for 3 months on our own and had an amazing experience and time together, we rarely argue.Now i'm back in the same boat so I dont know if he means it or not. But he has said he doesnt want to get married. We live together do everything together. We have been staying at my parents as we were planning on going to Thailand for 2 month, now anyting he had at my parents house he has taken and I asked him this morning if he means it and he said he does im distraught and devestated. He says i'm mean to him but the truth is he is very controlling and I adore him my heart is breaking I dont know what to do next. Im 29 and and he is 31 any advice would perhaps help me. thanks
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Your story sounds so similar to my own. I have been dating the same man for 2 years. He would ask for space and wanted time for himself and we would split for a few weeks or a couple of months, then he would come back and everything would be fine and we'd get on great. We didn't live together permanently, only on weekends when we both weren't working, but we shared everything and used to plan the future. We have just returned from holiday and he dumped me again!!
Your boyfriend sounds the same, you said he was controlling and mine was too. He like to have things his way and on his terms. I feel sometimes, because I didn't want to be left alone, that I removed the challenge from our relationship by giving in to him all the time. I never stood up to him, not even to choose a restaurant or what we watched on TV. I believe my boyfriend was undecided about what he was genuinely looking for. He told me, when he dumped me that he didn't want to be with anyone. I have closed the door on him for good, as much as it kills me as I love him very much.
I think you should really try and get to the heart of how your boyfriend feels, you have nothing to lose as he's already gone, but demand some answers, after so long being with him, you deserve them.
I am not going to rattle on to you about rebuilding your life and starting again as I am sure, like me, your terribly distraught and you don't need to hear it.
Find a friend who won't mind you talking it over and then just do what your body tells you.
I hope your pain passes quickly. My ex doesn't deserve another chance with me, no way am I going to go all through this to have him do the same thing again in 6 months...and neither should you go through it again.
Draw a line under it for good.
Hugs to you sweetie xxxx
Aunty Em xxx
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