A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, a little advice would be nice.My bf and I have been together for a year and a half, and I've been having this obsession with his ex for a quite a while now. I can't explain why I get this urge to know more and more about her, look at pictures of her, stalk her down on FB. From what I've seen/read, she and I are very different.. I can't understand how he could fall in love with the both of us. I wonder what he sees in me over her. I've even gone into my bf's Facebook to find out more about her, something which i have done quite a few times and am now really ashamed of doing. He is so trustworthy and an incredibly nice and kind guy, I feel like I am not giving him the trust he deserves. This obsession I have makes no sense since they broke up almost a year before I met him, and he's said he's definitely moved on.I don't know what it is that makes me think about this so much. Perhaps I wanted to know how a person could go on living after losing someone like him.. perhaps it's my own insecurity. It's gotten to a point where I'm asking myself.."what am I accomplishing by doing this?.. Why am I STILL obsessed with her??" I still feel urges of curiosity sometimes.. wanting to know what she is doing.. today.. this week.. how she looks likes lately, who she's with.. etc. I'm getting tired of this. I feel like I'm burying myself deeper in the ground when I indulge in this obsession. I really want to stop becuase I feel like this will lead to nothing good. But how can I? Maybe i should tell him how I feel, that way he actually knows what's been going on in my head?And should I tell him I've been in his facebook (to view ex's profile)? Will mentioning that help the situation at all? Or should I just let that go (and not do it again), and open up to him and let him know exactly how I've been feeling? Thanks.
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female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Is it normal? Yes. Is it healthy? No. Take it from someone who's been through Hell and back obsessing over her partner's ex. DO NOT tell him about this, because then you will want to ask him questions about their relationship. Bad idea. Just block her, delete your account, change your password to something you won't remember - anything! Just don't block her and then unblock her days later. That's pointless.
If you find yourself starting to think about her, change yuor line of thought to something else immediately. Soon you'll get used to it and stop thinking about her completely.
Don't wonder about how he was with her and you even though you're completely different. That's why! Things obviously didn't last with her, so why would he want to be with the same type of person? So that he could be in another failed relationship? My husband's ex was a drug addict, an alcoholic, cheated on him multiple times, dropped out of school, refused to work, and fought with him on a daily basis. I'm definitely NOTHING at all like her, and that's why he wants me.
Do yourself a favor, and kill this thing now before it takes over your entire life, just like it did mine...
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Dont tell him - that wont help anything!
You are totally normal in doing this, I think at some point in time all girls look on Facebook for their boyfriend's ex's, because at the end of the day you want to check if you are prettier and more succesful than her, because we all have some silly deep down insecurities about our boyfriend's leaving us for their ex's, even though the logical rational part of us know it will never happen.
Wean yourself off it - you have seen her now, you know what she looks like and you know enough about her, so leave it be. It doesnt really matter that you are different to her, in fact it is probably a good thing - after all their relationship didnt work out did it, so your boyfriend will want someone different to her, because if he went out with someone very similar again chances are it would fail, again.
Dont beat yourself up over this, it is normal - but learn to control yourself now. Dont spend so much time on Facebook, if you search this site Facebook is becoming the downfall of many good relationships, so spend as little time on there as possible. There are better things to do with your life than looking at a girl who isnt even in your boyfriend's life anymore.
I think this is just a phase and it will pass. And if you think you cannot control yourself, do what AuntyEm said - block her profile so you cant look for her, search for her etc. That takes temptation out of your hands and that will be the end of it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 February 2012):
 Go onto her profile page (you don't have to be a contact). On left hand side you will see an option to block her profile. Follow the links. You will then never see her FB in searches or see anything she posts anywhere on FB.
Removing temptation will put the situation to rest. I am sure he will be very angry and turned off to know you have been stalking so tell him if you want to risk him dumping you. You need to just stop because you have no right to pry into her life...so block the profile and stay out of his account...if you don't, you can consider the relationship over!!
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