A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I seem to be able to get men, date men off the dating sites, but never seem to be able to keep them.What am I doing wrong?I am not sleeping with them early on, but I am upset when I see them on the dating sites after we agree to meet up again as what is that all about? I am obviously not the one so,why do they pretend Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers.I do feel now that the men I have met ,want space and a woman to fit in with their life.They want me but when its convenient to them.To a reference of one of the answers that said there is some thing about me they don't like, cant be true or they would not want to see me again. Communication is a major part in any relationship and if that is lacking then no relationship forms.They want a relationship but on their terms. Obviously we are not matched
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): Decent men dont need the help of dating sites. Look elsewhere.
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female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Not every woman on a dating site is desperate (I wasn't), and not every man is a sex-crazed jerk. I met my boyfriend on one. We are both professionally employed (I'm a teacher, he's a chiropractor), we started out dating, had a ton of fun together, and sex didn't enter the picture until a few months in. Sure, there's lots of jerks on there, but you just have to weed them out, using good judgment until you find a good one. Don't condemn everyone on dating sites just because some of them are losers. Don't give up, but also don't put all your eggs in one basket. I'm very happy and very thankful that a free dating site allowed me to meet a wonderful man. Good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): I am going to more honest with you than anyone else has been. I am not trying to be mean, but I think it needs to be said that obviously these men do not like something about you. It may be that they do not like your personality or that your photos looks very different from how you look in person. There is something about you that is putting them off. That said, that doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you. The problem may very well be theirs or simply one of mismatched expectations.I have used an online dating site and I would not at all agree that it is filled only with losers. There are a lot of regular people on there. I have met a few women and in my own situations I chose not to pursue the women because we were just not a good fit. Like you, I am older and most of the women I met were single moms. They were too into their kids and not ready for a relationship. The younger, childless women were just a bit too wild for me - not just with the tattoos and all, but expecting casual sex which I don't really do unless there's some connection.Dating is called dating for a reason. You like their profile. You meet. You decide if there's an attraction (not just physical, mind you). You act on it (or not). Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Most dates don't go anywhere. You may agree to meet up again out of politeness or boredom, but that doesn't mean anything. That's fine. It's like women giving me their phone numbers and I never call them (and I am sure sometimes they are glad of that). It seemed like a good idea at the time, but when I get home I realize I don't really want a relationship with her as cute as she was.What are your expectations? Maybe you can elaborate about some of these guys/dates to help us give you a better idea.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): dating sites spell desperation. they know that. any man half decent will not be on a dating site.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Unfortunately a lot of the men on these sites are the ones who like to date a lot of women or can't form proper relationships. Some people are lucky of course.I looked on a site I was on which I dropped out of this time last year. A lot of the same people were still on there. What does that tell you?Try to find a way to meet people locally who you can get to know. If you like agencies, maybe speed dating or somethinglike that. Or join something where you can do something you enjoy and meet people naturally. It could be salsa dancing, painting or anything you think you might like. And at least while waiting to meet someone you would have an interest.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): This reminds me of my one of best friends. She also would not sleep with the guys that were supposed to go just for dinner movies etc. All they wanted was sex at the end of it or a few dates later at a rate of 9.5/10. She behaved like a lady (and shes glam to boot) yet they were just pushing for the goal. She put herself through hell trying to find a nice guy.She never did, on there.
IMO, these dating sites are like a catalogue and some lazy, cheap men will find this the perfect place to try again and again to find a bed partner.
Cant tell you where else to find one, work is always a good place, a college course, a hobby.
Good luck
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Without knowing you and seeing you in action we can only guess what the trouble is.
Is it possible you're expecting exclusivity too early? Agreeing to meet up again does not mean you're both taken. There is nothing wrong with acepting invitations to go out on dates with others while you're still getting to know each other.
Exclusivity should only be discussed after you've established you're both serious about one another.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Everyone I met from dating sites was a total flake, or just not right/worth it. One fell in love with me and kept calling me for over a year after I cut contact with him. I only met two in person and I didn't progress to any relationship & no sex.
I did chat with some interesting people from all over the world though, so I think there are really some nice people on there, including myself.
The problem is most of them are just a bunch of jerks many of whom really have no social skills. You can meet plenty of these men in real life too, but they are there in hoards online. Those are not men you want to keep for sure.
There are a lot of con artists also. I would guess it is about at least 60% divorced, attached cheaters, con artists, and other problematics.
It's pretty easy to tell who is who if you look at the profiles and ask the right questions. Some start trying to sex chat you right away, then there is no need for questions etc. You can tell from photos and ids also, some of these men are plain sleazy looking!!! YUCK!!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 February 2012):
 You can see from the 3 anonymous male answers what the general mode of operation is for men on dating websites.
DEFINITELY NOT worth losing your head over.
Internet dating is like swimming with sharks. Sure there are a couple dolphins in there (the good guys) but the majority just want to take a big bite out of you and nothing else.
Be selective
Be smart
Do not wear your heart on your sleeve
Go by what a man DOES and not what he SAYS (as a guy wrote here giving compliments is an easy way to get casual sex)as words are cheap.
If you play it the right way, and do not invest emotion you can actually have lots of fun with it and who knows, maybe just maybe you will hit the right connection and find the man of your dreams.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): I am an attractive woman who tried the online dating for awhile. I'll be honest and say that sleeping with a guy before you see a bigger commitment is a quick way to get your heart broken. Some men on these sites only want sex. I even dated one for awhile who took his post down only to put it back up after he saw that I wasn't going to give sex easily. I did end up with one good guy whom I met online. We've been together 2 years - thing to note is that I never asked him to take his post down nor he mine. When the time was right we both knew. It's no use rushing someone before they are ready. So please stop worrying, withhold sex and have fun with the butterflies first dates bring. Not asking you to be a prude but just be careful who you give your heart to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): You are sleeping with them too early if you aren't in a committed relationship and both of you haven't agreed to take your profile down! I met my fiance on one and it was a couple of months before he asked me to be in a relationship and he took his profile down...then I slept with him.
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female
reader, katiekate +, writes (2 February 2012):
I met my boyfriend on a free online dating site. We dated for about 4 months before we decided to be officially in a relationship. He told me, about 3 months into dating, that he "hid" his profile. When I felt comfortable, (about 2 weeks after that), I "hid" mine as well. I think it's what you do when you feel comfortable; when you're confident that you've met the person you want to be with and don't need to bother looking anymore. If you're only going out with these guys a few times, don't be surprised that they don't all of a sudden get rid of their online profiles. They have to test the waters, make sure they like you enough not to seek out anyone else, and when it's the right time and the right circumstance, they will delete it. There is no set time period or number of dates that is the "appropriate" time to delete a profile, but I would say that until you are officially in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with keeping options open. I mean, do you delete your profile every time you have a decent date with someone who has "potential"?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Probably coz women off dating sites are two a penny.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): I will tell the truth. I am one of those who's had lots of sex from dating sites. Women believe anything you tell them. Lots of compliments gets easy sex. Dont take it personal because theres thousands of women in the same vessel.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 February 2012):
I am not a fan of dating websites, they cause a lot of worry and paranoia and can leave people feeling like they have been through the mill.
I know a fundemental difference with men and women is that men like to throw their net far and wide. They will explore most options (which seem never ending on dating sites)and there is always the potential of 'the next best thing' Men can be vague, insincere, say they want one thing when really they mostly don't know what they want and they will really only chase a woman if she knocks their socks off.
Women, on the other hand, feel as if men should come to them, get rather intense too soon and invest a lot of emotion up front because they want to avoid being seen as shallow and uncaring. Women tend to take more offence if a man doesn't follow them up and will often put up with a lot of bad behaviour because they believe men can change.
There is only one way to survive dating sites. Do as men do, contact men first, be bold and friendly but do not invest too much too soon. Women have a terrible habit of gazing into the future and they start building up dreams about men before they really know them.
Date several at one time so you don't fixate too heavily on one person until you have a mutual match. Do not feel you will lose anything by dating in this way, it's not going to affect who you are as a person and when you really do connect with one person, and they you....that is the time to mutually agree to leave the dating site together.
Internet dating is TOUGH...so you have to be TOUGH in your approach. Don't take anything too personally in the first few dates with a guy, give it time and really get to know him. If he loses interest and peels off...just shout NEXT!!! and go chat up someone else.
PS sleeping with them too early is a killer so well done for not falling into that trap.
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female
reader, bardia +, writes (1 February 2012):
 I'm making my second foray into this online dating thing. Dating in general appears to be a tricky dance. I can understand staying a little active on the sites when you're first just dating someone. If after a few dates one party isn't interested, that should be made clear. But if there seems to be more and more interest (and therefor more & more dates), the parties should make that clear on their profiles. If it goes longer, those profiles should become inactive. That's just my take for "serious" daters. There's always going to be those who just want to be on for the attention & you'll figure those out pretty soon-they're not worth your time. Hang in there. Be selective. You're worth it! Good luck! :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): They are there to pick up and drop desperate women. They know theres more so why stick with one?
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