A
female
age
30-35,
Shadow Rose
writes:I've come to realize recently that there are so many relationships that fail, so many guys and girls that break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and so many broken hearts.You may say it's because of the increased population, but I say it's because of society and how we view eachother as a whole.Many years ago, when girls were married off at 16, they usually didn't have much choice in how they were married. But a lot of them ended up being happy and not totally enraged by their husband. yeah, some were, but my point is, they barely knew this guy, but they grew to love him.This correlates with my first reason:Humans are too picky. When we fall in love, we only fall in love with the positive traits, we fall in love with the things we want to see, and we tend to ignore the things we aren't so crazy about. But later, we notice those things, and our immideate thought is "This person isn't the person who I fell in love with" or "this person isn't as compatible with me as I thought they were" So they dump that person. The same goes for when people fall in love. "Oh, well she's got an annoying habit, I cant love her" or "He's to into sports!".We are obsessed with finding PERFECTION in our significant others, and that causes us to be picky, very picky.Now, I'm not telling you all to just find someone of the opposite (or same, if you're homosexual) and just love them.What I'm saying, is that we need to stop being so picky! If someone has some quality that you dont really like, say for example he likes to roughhouse. Nowadays, a girl will dump that guy most likely, if she doesn't like to roughouse. But in all honesty, the simple solution to this is to simply talk about roughhousing, and telling him its not ok to roughouse with her.Or a guy will dump a girl because she isn't into his favorite sport. My key point here, is that there is no perfect match for you, unless you are looking into a mirror. Everyone has flaws, and I believe, that in order to not only maintain a healthy relationship, but to find true happiness, you have to overlook, or get used to, those flaws. You have flaws too, you know.If everyone stopped focusing on the negative things, and started focusing on the positive things, then relationships would last a lot longer, and people would be a lot happier.As for my second point, people are quick to judge, and quick to offer the easiest route out."My boyfriend lied to me, what should I do?"'Dump him'"My girlfriend was looking at some shirtless guy!"'Dump her'We are quick to dump, quick to jump to conclusions, and quick to offer advice to end things.Now, I'm not dissing anyones advice, and I know that a lot of the Aunts on here do give great advice, but I'm speaking about society as a whole.It stems from that want for perfection. That want for something better, the best.For example, this weekend, I hung out with my boyfriend, all in all, I got elbowed in the nose, hit a little harder than I had been expecting when playing around, and angered more than once.Now, a lot of people would automatically say "He's not good enough for you if he hits you and makes you mad!"But I had an amazing time, and even though I should know better to play one of the more rough games with my boyfriend, and to not tickle him, I did it anyways, and I had fun. And even though I was angry, I still had fun, because he wasn't doing anything to make me TRULY angry, and I knew that he did, and still does, love me. He just likes to be a pest sometimes. I'd never dump him, and because of that, my relationship with him will last longer.He may like to annoy people, and me, for fun, but I still love him, and he may not know how to properly control himself when roughousing, I still love him, because although they may be considered flaws, they are what makes him HIM, and not someone else.So, in essence, take the good with the bad, and appreciate their flaws as well as their gifts, because that's what makes the person you love who they are, and dont be so quick to end something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): I completely agree people today can't be bothered to work on a relationship so rather than making an effort they will just ditch them Most of my friends had boyfriends and girlfriends and a month later it's over. One even dumped her boyfriend because he went to church once a month.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 February 2012):
 I can't really argue much with what you say.. said something similar in a post yesterday. Yes it's important to find someone who matches you as well as someone you love. But I'm not sure about perfect men and women who never manage to screw up. Also not sure about the advice to DUMP him/her anytime there's a problem. (Not that I don't advise that often) But, from my experience walking away from a relationship isn't an easy thing to do, and people often can't follow the advice to walk away when the heart is involved.
So it's how much more can you stand? Or is your love strong enough?.. thanks for your thoughts on this article.
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female
reader, Amanda-Louise93 +, writes (12 February 2012):
 The reason they dont last is because they arent a good enough match
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Part one: people seek perfection. If that's true then that's only half the story. Because if half of everyone is out seeking perfection, the other half is self sacrificing for attention, continuously hanging on to some loser who isn't any good for them.
But yeah I agree with you somewhat. Tons of people are being picky. Then again tons of people are also just realistic about things, knowing they can't have some duplicate of themselves and that another person is, after all, their own unique person.
It's a matter of finding out who's "imperfections" are worth it. But even so.. Well for example the last guy I was with wasn't perfect, but I loved him. And he loved me. So what was the problem? He didn't know what he wanted. It doesn't help much then that he thinks I am perfect when he didn't think he himself could cope with a relationship.
No matter how you twist it or word it or try to find reasons, the truth is that relationships are complicated, and not all people are wired to "stick to it" for any period of time. Without the real benefits of a relationship/marriage no one has the same need to commit any longer.
You think your relationship will last longer because YOU are willing to go the extra mile. But that doesn't help you much unless he is of the same mind as you.
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 February 2012):
 I think you make a very valid point about wanting perfection. We also live in a society of 'entitlement' where everyone just expects to get everything they want...and life just isn't going to provide that.
We can improve ourselves but we cannot change other people so compromise has to be a big part of relationships...so you are correct when you say we shouldn't pick up on every little thing and just dump a partner because it doesn't suit us.
There are, however, absolute deal breakers in relationships, like cheating,lying, controlling,using someone for money, physical abuse (not play fighting)and rape. These are the red flags,the things we should get ourselves away from because they will damage us and I think the aunts on DC deal with a lot of these things and try to advise people for mental and physical wellbeing and to protect their children.
I do agree though that if none of these things are present in a relationship and you are both happy then the little stuff can and should be overlooked.
Well done...Good article xxx
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (31 January 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question Note: This is kinda long :P
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