being married to him is a daily shake of the dice wondering which personality he will have that day

A female age , anonymous writes:

Hi  my husband  goes through long periods of being nice sometimes even a couple months but he always starts that way and then one day boom he is yelling at me to clean the fridge or something the moment I get up. Then he is mad at me all day and then when I've been crying all day from his constant yelling at me as it escalates to comments like you are such a slob even though the house is fairly spotless, he then apologizes and gets mad at me for staying upset the next day. Tells me to snap out of it. He is over it and so should I. He has called me c*** or loser or crazy and told me he hates me. He has told me he is leaving me and let me pack my bags and go to a friends and then tells me he was joking. He regularly calls me fat ass and stupid to where now my child does also and  in front of strangers. He says he is joking and I take it too seriously.  But he also calls me beautiful daily too and when i point out the insults he reminds me he calls me beautiful all the time. He is a workoholic too and I hardly see him. If he is at the office because he mainly works from home he won't call all day or return my calls. He just shows up when he shows up. Calling just around the corner to ask what is for dinner. If I call him at work because our child is sick he won't return the call and will come home and say he was on meetings all day. But he has time for lunch out. He treated me like a queen when we dated but after we got married and had a child he changed (I got pregnant on the honeymoon). After that he started  getting angry so easily and often when our child was a baby. I had such post partum  depression because of it and only had one child because of it too. And I can never ask a favor from him or he gets mad. As long as I hang up his coat, throw out his garbage, make his meals , tidy the home and look after our kid he is happy aka not mad at me but virtually has nothing to do with me. After Christmas he promised to dedicate 2 nights a week with me but he picks a fight sometimes to get out of it. And if he does he expects sex as payment in kind and gets mad if I don't although in the last few months I don't which is making things worse but I don't feel I can. And any stress sends him into angry tirades. Even if it's that I'm sick then he is mad. God forbid i ask him for a favor although on a nice day he will help out but i'm so surprised when he does. I stay with him because I had to give up my career to help our special needs child and so although I owned my own home when I met him, I now have no job. And with our child it would be hard to find one as he only goes to school for a short day. Plus this is the first year he was able to go at all.  My husband makes a very good income too so we have a nice life financially. It would be a struggle on my own. Also our kid is super sensitive and would collapse if we split. He doesn't care about yelling in front of our kid too so if I asked for a divorce our child would be caught in the middle and really suffer. At least he is a good caring father the rest of the time and when he is nice has a good side and a good sense of humor. So being married to him is a daily shake of the dice wondering which personality he will have that day. He can be fun and happy and dance around the kitchen with us. Sometimes too he can be very needy after he has been cold for days and suddenly want all my attention. I just don't know what to do. I so want to do what is best for our kid and when my husband is nice he can be so nice.very generous and chatty and personable but he is often mean and cold. He is dr Jekyll and mr. Hyde. When he decides he wants to play happy families he does and then we are all happy for a time. During that period he will take me shopping, and to nice dinners out and treat me really well again. Wish I knew what to do...I am starting to have stress related health problems now after 12 years of this. .it's funny, when I was a kid I had a moody  father with a bad temper and i never knew what home would bring one day to the next and although my husband has never hit me ( I would leave if he did no question .) My question after all this is is this fixable? Should I leave or stay? 

View related questions: at work, christmas, divorce, period

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Miamine  +, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, natasia  +, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer