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female
age
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anonymous
writes: Hello,I am writing on behalf of a friend with who came to me with her concerns the other day. I tried to respond best as I could, but I wanted to tap into the wisdom pool here to see what I could tell her further or better.Basically, my friend is a 70-year-old woman who has been married for decades to a very wealthy man. Her husband is a well-known financier who also produces movies on the side. Her sons are also in the movie business. Recently, she found out that her husband has been spending a lot of time and money on a young model who has aspirations of entering the movie industry. (He left his email open on his computer and she saw many messages back and forth so she looked. She feels bad about that but could not help herself she said.)He has taken her on trips, out to dinner, and paid for innumerable things. They exchange affectionate emails, he calls her sweetheart, she does the same, etc. My friend is depressed about it. At one very vulnerable point, she asked me, "Is it possible that it is just a mentor-student relationship and they are NOT romantically involved?"I did not know how to answer her. I imagine that it is possible. But this girl is stunning, from another country, and my friend's husband is spending so much time and money on her...I want to give my friend hope...but I don't want to lie.So I ask you:Is it possible that a 74 year old man can have a mentor-student relationship with a young beautiful woman and for it NOT to be cheating? Or is that just naive, wishful thinking.Thank you in advance for your advice.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (6 February 2012):
He is probably emotionally invested in her. She probably makes him feel younger and positive because she's got a lot of energy and a whole life and career ahead of her. But if she's a young model looking to make it in the movie industry, she can't be older than 25. And gals her age don't have sexual relationships with 75 year olds.
She may view him like a surrogate grandfather or a sugar daddy or something, but I honestly doubt something is truly going on between them, also because most men his age can't really 'get it up' anymore.
So is he cheating? Emotionally, maybe. Sexually, I honestly doubt it.
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (6 February 2012):
 It's hard to say. The odds of it being purely mentor-protegee are small. It's entirely possible they do not have a sexual relationship, of course, he may just be an old man (fool?) in love with a beautiful younger (and exotic, presumably) woman. As other aunts have pointed out, a lot depends on how strong or weak the husband-wife relationship is here. The foreign girl is of course going to exploit her sugar-daddy to the hilt...
What worries me of course is that he's been using funds that should belong to both of them which doesn't sount right.
My view is that there may not be sexual cheating involved, but at an emotional and financial level it doesn't seem right.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2012):
 It is possible. It's also possible that he does it because it makes him feel 20 again, which his wife might not be able to do for him.
Not saying it's OK, but just stating the facts.
Maybe she needs to talk to her husband?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 It could be a mentoring thing although my detective brain says 'Do mentors buy expensive gifts and pay for trips?'
Hmmm maybe if the guy is rich...maybe he doesn't see it as a big deal.
How loving is your friend with her husband. I know with my folks, they don't have a sex life any more, My dad is in his late 70's and my mum her late 60's. I know she can get really snippy with him and I sometimes feel sorry for my dad.
There is a fairly large gap between the guy and the girl and maybe he is having a romance of sorts to give himself an ego boost. The girl (if shes trying to break into the movie biz) will take what she can get, but I suspect she will drop the old fella when shes gotten what she wants.
Your friend might find dhe has an old fool on her hands when the young lady in question has cleaned up and moved on.
She could confess about the e-mail and ask him 'how does it look?'...see what he says. A guy in his 70's is less likely to lie because he will be wise and be able to see the big picture.
If it were my husband and we were in our golden years...'I'd plain out ask him'
:-) Hope that there is hope for your friend xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): rephrasing the question is it normal for a huband to be spending time and money with another woman who is not his wife ? No it is not normal .nor can it be said that the realtionship you descirbed be a mentor-student relationship. why ?because look at the facts its there in black and white you know it and i've read it "she found out that her husband has been spending a lot of time and money on a young model " is this model his wife no then what makes that in any way okay . "He has taken her on trips, out to dinner, and paid for innumerable things" why !? once again is this woman his wife because buying things for another woman isn't something you just do to help her out if shes not considered to be more . and as for calling him sweetheart who does that its like you calling the pool boy or gardner sweetheart which is not alright unless your seeing him. there is so much proof right infront of her and you to know that this is more then a mentor student relationship and ignoring it and making excuses for it not to be is naive . its not her fault for wanting to think it could be something else because shes been married for so long and has kids with this man but sugar coating the situation wont make it better nor will it make it stop .people want to see the good in a man like that after so many years it can't be true they may say he wouldn't he couldn't but the question is what if he did ? all you can do is tell her that tell her if you were doing everything you just described your husband doing wouldn't he assume the same thing wouldnt he agree with me that she'd be having a affair ?i'm terribly sorry for your friend for having to go threw something like this but she owes it to her self to know why her huband is doing this to her .i hope that helps
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (5 February 2012):
Hi there. If he was trying to hide anything, you would think he wouldn't leave his email open, wouldn't you?
In other words, if he was cheating he wouldn't be open and honest the way he is, you would think.
As for whether it's cheating, well I guess it really depends on how he treats his wife generally.
Has their marriage changed in any way? Do they still make love?
Does he still treat his wife well, and with love, respect and dignity?
If nothing has really changed at all, well then it's probably fair to say there is nothing too much going on.
Like you have said here, it might just be a mentoring type of friendship.
In the movie industry, there are probably lots of meeting people and referring, so he needs to take her to meet those professionals to further the process of her career. He would do the introductions and they are probably all business conversations, no doubt. It is a very sociable industry, no doubt about it.
Apart from finding and reading the emails which he left open, he is probably hiding nothing really.
It's probably not wise to tackle him about it and ask him a million questions, as it would potentially cause all kinds of arguments.
It would certainly raise suspision in him, for sure.
And it's not good to bottle it all up and get anxious and become unwell over it either.
All she could do I guess, is to ask him about his day in a general sense and being interested in him and in his life, and see what he says in conversation.
He will probably say everything she already knows, and it will remove all her fears.
If she does that and without making it feel like an interrogation, she will probably find out all she wants to know, once and for all.
And then, no more problem.
If otherwise he has never given her any reason to doubt her trust in him, well then she ought to trust him completely regardless.
And if he is the same now to her as he always has been, it's probably fair to say she can still trust him like she always did.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Yes it's very possible that he has no sexual interest, but thinks that she is talented and views her like a daughter.But it's also possible that he's head over heals in love, because he feels old in years, he wants her because she represents acting like a silly young man again.Really don't know. But I think it's highly unlikely that they are having an affair or having sex. I base this solely on his age. I think the young woman would reject him as too old. If there are sexual thoughts in his head, he won't be able to do anything about them.Sorry.. it's hard to tell... it could all be very innocent. When I was a young teen, I had older men want to spend money on me, and it was always because they didn't have children and they wanted someone to help and spoil. Of course I resisted and told them off, cause it's too easy to abuse old men who have money to spend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): to make the answer as short as possible - yes, it is.
i know how it looks like, the vast majority would say he's probably shagging her, but in my opinion, based on personal experiences it can only be a friendship.
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