I want to stay friends with 'the other woman' but she says she hates me
Q. I am a separated male who still is friendly with my wife, we have 2 beautiful teenage girls and we remain very close after 6 years of separation. We still share family vacations and days out as a family and even the bed 1 - 2 times a month. I live...
A. 15 May 2014: You're MARRIED! You may be living in different places, but unless you're in an open relationship with your wife and can be open with her that you're seeing and sleeping with other people, then you're cheating.
You want a life catered to you, wit... (read in full...)
Boyfriend showers with his friend?
Q. My boyfriend was telling me about a drunken night the other weekend, and told me he ended up showering with his (guy) friend. Then he told me that he'd also showered with a different (guy) friend on a couple occasions. I was confused, and as...
A. 15 May 2014: If the times were that he was smashed both times, it would have been possible that bodily fluids such as vomit or urine made bathing with more than one person necessary.
I don't know if the guy's gay or not, but I know that I have friends who have... (read in full...)
I said he wasn't making much effort so now I'm judgemental
Q. Im in a bit of a dilemma. I met a guy online for the first time Saturday. We got in really well talking. He was late and texted me on the way. Then he turned up and hadn't shaved or had his hair cut or ironed his shirt. Hes a nice looking guy so he ...
A. 15 May 2014: You scolded him on the second date???
I think you don't know what dates are for, actually. Dates are for meeting someone, getting to know them better, and seeing if they are relationship material. Some of them are, some aren't.
Dates AREN'T ... (read in full...)
I'm so sick and tired of being leeched off of.
Q. Here's the situation. I use to live alone in a two bedroom apartment. One room for me to sleep, use computer, hang out, etc. The other room was my workout room with all my weights, benchs, punching bag, etc. I enjoyed the solitary lifestyle. My own ...
A. 14 May 2014: Give them 30 days, and then if they don't get out of your house on their own, file for eviction in the courts (unlawful detainer), which messes up their credit rating as well, showing up as a public record.
Whatever you do, DO NOT let your own... (read in full...)
I feel too intensely
Q. Anyone else wish they couldn't feel emotions? I feel like everything hurts me. I'm an intense person, I get close quickly and they end up hurting me. I've never been able to have a relationship for more than a year. It takes me ages to get o...
A. 14 May 2014: It sounds like what you have aren't emotions that are too intense, but obsessive tendencies linked to interpersonal relationships. No matter what it's labeled, it's sabotaging your future.
You would benefit greatly from some time in therapy,... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend, he won't forgive and forget...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about four years. Two years ago, I cheated on him. My boyfriend is much older than me, and as far as I can remember our age difference had nothing to do with me cheating on him. I also have borderline personality ...
A. 14 May 2014: I'll say it again: You don't love him and you can't have loved him if you were so eager to jump into bed with anything with two legs and the right parts. And you most certainly *are* using your boyfriend. He doesn't have to be rich for you to get ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend, he won't forgive and forget...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about four years. Two years ago, I cheated on him. My boyfriend is much older than me, and as far as I can remember our age difference had nothing to do with me cheating on him. I also have borderline personality ...
A. 14 May 2014: You say you have BPD? Are you under the care of a physician, in full compliance of his multi-faceted treatment?? Because the way you come off here tells me no.
Boyfriends *aren't* tickets to independence. You aren't supposed to use them for... (read in full...)
He found a smudge on the wall .........
Q. I have been living with my partner for 10 years. We have 2 kids. My name is not on anything because I am trying to up my credit score (bad credit). He is an ocd neat freak. I am messy. The house isn't a nightmare, but it's not pristine either. He ...
A. 13 May 2014: Do you really think the courts will let a guy suffering from OCD take kids who are known for messiness?? What will he tell the courts - that a smudge was on the walls??
He'll need to come up with child support for those kids, and the courts w... (read in full...)
Does her Skype fling mean it's over for us?
Q. My wife and I regularly share digital gadgets so when I used her iPad I was surprised to discover it open on a Skype chat with a young guy half her age (we're both early 40s, busy professionals, married 15 years with 2 kids). He'd sent a photo of ...
A. 13 May 2014: I believe she may not have physically cheated, but emotionally, she has. It's a good sign that she is contrite, and I think if she's willing to go the long haul and help to rebuild trust, you both need to go in for some counseling together to heal ... (read in full...)
Do I need to have a serious conversation with him about his rough way of making love? And how should I raise the topic?
Q. I don't know what to do with this guy. I met someone 3 months ago. Really cute fun guy, But... The only thing I keep having problems with is how he has sex. He is a bit on a rough side. In addition he has large penis,which doesn't help the s...
A. 10 May 2014: If he's a great guy, but he gets out of hand in the heat of it, and you've told him before to be gentle, then my suggestion is that the next time he makes you bleed, go to your doctor and have him examine you and write up a doctor's report of the ... (read in full...)
Co-worker's flirting is going to get her into trouble
Q. I have this co worker who is very flirtatious with everyone and it's causing trouble here at work and for herself. She's a really nice person and I don't think she's doing it on purpose but it's really getting out of hand. The other day, this guy ...
A. 10 May 2014: You will put your own job in jeopardy if you step in here and confront her directly.
If her work performance is this bad, and she's causing this much problem and she is obstructing your ability to do your job or creating a hostile work environm... (read in full...)
We were friends with benefits, ended it and now this happens.. advice!
Q. Hi, So i had a friend with benefits, for two years. Before that we were friends and through the friend with benefits, we were really good friends, even on a holiday together and so on. Last summer, both of us had a relationship, but we sti...
A. 9 May 2014: Sorry, but this suggests that you are a cheater and so is he. You don't carry on sleeping with people while you're in a relationship. If you can't honor the person you've committed to, then stay away from this guy. You're being used, and used up, ... (read in full...)
My husband requests fellatio all the time and not only that! What do you do when your husband denies you a sexual orgasm or intercourse if you don't do it first?
Q. I don't want to bash my husband or write insensitively of him but it has caused a little ripple in our marriage where it hasn't completely gone away. By continually asking for me to give him oral sex but it's not as bad as it was before when he kept ...
A. 9 May 2014: "He tells me I have a big mouth and big lips and what do I think there, there for?"
I read that and thought that if a guy ever said that to me, husband or not, I'd stare him down and tell him that my teeth are for ripping his glans off and spit... (read in full...)
How do I do this by myself and maintain my sanity?
Q. Well in my past question i asked if you can gain trust from someone that has never trusted you to begin with...we split up. Now i have two kids to take care of...no vehicle...no job...and my phone will be out of minutes tomorrow. I have no idea what ...
A. 8 May 2014: You've gone through the emotional stuff, now it's time to take care of the practical stuff:
1. If he is the father of your children, you need child support from him. File for it in the courts, and you can do it for free by demonstrating that you... (read in full...)
He said I shouldn't have "put all my eggs in one basket" after I told him what I thought about him! What should I do now?
Q. Hi everyone I split up with my bf of four years six months ago. I'm 25. The split was amicable as we both wanted different things. For two months I've been chatting to a guy online. We chat most days and I really like him. We've spoke on ...
A. 8 May 2014: Why would you make an exclusivity promise without meeting? You can date more than one person until you've made a decision. Don't say that again - the exclusivity thing, because that signals a relationship getting serious, which is pressuring for ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend accused me of dating the phone repairman!
Q. I'm female of 23plus and my guy is 29yearsplus we've been dating getting to 3months which l love so much but sometimes i still wonder if he loves me as a result what happen of recent, this how it happen two weeks ago when an enginner who repairs ...
A. 8 May 2014: Sorry for the language, but tell your boyfriend to blow it out of his insecure ass, and dump him. Seriously, the guy is dumping his insecurity onto you, and if he's exhibiting this behavior at 3 months and at the 3 month level, you're already ... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him to get the divorce and get a mortgage with me, and now that he says he will, I'm not as excited as I thought I would be!
Q. You may know from previous posts I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have just had a weeks break as I could not cope anymore with only seeing him once a week. I have taken up Ho vies and made new friends but at the end of he day I still ...
A. 8 May 2014: DO NOT GET A MORTGAGE! His wife can claim 50%! NO NO NO NO NO that would be the absolute stupidest financial move you will ever make, and you *will* have to declare bankruptcy because your credit will be affected. Most mortgages consider a ... (read in full...)
I don't want to give him a second chance but I said I would to settle him down. Now what?
Q. Its been almost a year since me and my ex broke up ... He double timed and after knowing that i broke up with him .. He is constantly appologising and asking me to come back but i never forgave him... But yesterday he texted me that he attempted ...
A. 8 May 2014: You're in Nepal, so I don't know the laws of your country, but here in the US, if someone tells you that they either attempted suicide, or they tell you they are GOING to, you are responsible and can be held liable if you do not notify the ... (read in full...)
I need ex-boyfriend advice: will he change if I stop answering his calls?
Q. my ex bf and I have been playing this back and forth game for a while now. he says he does not want to get back in a relationship and he does not want commitment, I do. but yet he continues to call me and not let me go and move on whyyy? will he ...
A. 8 May 2014: An ex is someone you STOP talking to. An ex is someone that you couldn't care less whether he changes or not. You realize that you're causing this by staying in contact with him. Even what you said - "Will he change if I stop answering his ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating, texting her, wanting her back?
Q. I have been in a relationship for going on 6 months. After falling madly for each other I thought that we were doing great. He was attentive, we rarely had harsh words and he ended up moving into my apartment with me. Just last month I noticed that ...
A. 7 May 2014: There should have never been any moving into your house within 5 months??! That's much too soon!
His attacking you, turning off notifications, having the knowledge that his ex was jealous (what context was THAT conversation in), shows that you... (read in full...)
He always wants sex
Q. Okay, so my boyfriend won't stop trying to have sex, we can never stay in a just watch a dvd, he always trys it on, and I tell him no but he will carry on until he gets it, should I say something? Thanks ...
A. 6 May 2014: Don't invite him into your house anymore. He doesn't just get to walk in after you do. That's a form of control if he manipulates the environment.
You said that you've said that before, yet he dismisses it? That's a form of control. Sexual s... (read in full...)
Was I right to conclude that he isn't over his ex?
Q. I am so confused. I met a guy I used to date 25 years ago on facebook, we fell immediately back in love. He is separated and from what both he and his family tells me, his soon to be ex is a horrible person. I have witness first hand. She texts ...
A. 5 May 2014: You're now getting a glimpse of the difference between words and actions. Some aunts disagree with me, but in my opinion, never ever date someone whose divorce is not finalized, because that relationship is not over, AND it's too easy to SAY you're ... (read in full...)
He always wants sex
Q. Okay, so my boyfriend won't stop trying to have sex, we can never stay in a just watch a dvd, he always trys it on, and I tell him no but he will carry on until he gets it, should I say something? Thanks ...
A. 5 May 2014: Yes you should! Sex isn't about pressure, nor is a relationship only about sex. You should talk to him, and not just after you've rejected his advances. Talk to him and tell him how you feel, that you're not happy with sex being the only focus of ... (read in full...)
Guys ... Have you ever seen a woman and been so turned on that you felt the need to go and relieve yourself?
Q. A question for the guys ... Have you ever seen a woman and been so turned on that you felt the need to go and relieve yourself .... I ask because my bf said he did this before we were together . He saw a very sexy woman one day out and said he went ...
A. 5 May 2014: I'm going to echo the others...I heard of that sort of thing when I was 14-15 and the guy was going through puberty before learning a man's restraint. However, full-grown guys doing that is creepy to me, unless there's some sort of medical ... (read in full...)
1st pregnancy and I'm a little nervous! How will I know if water breaks?
Q. hi all agony aunts just a question. I am on my 1st pregnancy and so a little clueless about things. im only 28 weeks pregnant but a scan 2 days ago shown that my lil baby was already lying with her head downwards as if she was preparing to be ...
A. 1 May 2014: You're going to be okay!
I agree with Honeypie - you're probably feeling some mild Braxton-Hicks, which are nothing to worry about! It's scary when your body doesn't feel like your own at times, eh?
Water breaking is pretty dramatic. Mine ... (read in full...)
My husband's chasing another woman.
Q. I have been married to my husband for 6 years and it's been great but in the past 4 months he has got really close to a female at our workplace, he then asked me to be friends with her which I was ok with because she seemed nice, however I noticed ...
A. 29 April 2014: Yeah, I echo the others - do not try for a baby.
Why is he giving her gifts, and what gifts are these?? Platonic friendships don't involve providing rides for no reason. Would he be doing that to a guy friend or a brother or sister?
He is i... (read in full...)
Married now and sex life has bombed, what to do?
Q. Been married a month, living together 6 months and dating 3 years prior to that. Fabulous sex life until now. It's like as soon as we were married he wasn't interested. There are no worries now except for his job but they're the same worries as b...
A. 29 April 2014: Something's happened. If you've been married for a month, and the past three years up until this point have been great, then something pivotal has happened. These could be the possibilities:
1. Health. If he is the same age you are, he may be d... (read in full...)
Is this relationship OCD or am I out of love?
Q. I am lost here. Every time I have a disagreement or see something I don't like in my boyfriend, I immediately go to the 'we're not right for each other' place and it's driving me a little crazy. I've been with him for years. I've broken up with him ...
A. 28 April 2014: You say you've broken up with him many times before? Here's the thing, what if the time came, you both started arguing, and you said the same thing, but this time, he said it was the last time, deleted and blocked you from his life, and treated you ... (read in full...)
Am I a pan-romantic lesbian?
Q. Ok so. I really do like guys a lot. And I kinda thought I was pansexual but honestly no matter how much I do like guys I never ever ever want to have srx with a guy and have never been sexually attracted to a guy. I think I might be a pan romantic ...
A. 27 April 2014: I remember you! You're smart - you should know that labels are your enemy, your kryptonite, your glass ceiling. It's fantastic that you're discovering who you are, but once you start adding labels and then interchanging labels at your age, you ... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 26 April 2014: I'd be running like hell if I were you. He misrepresented himself regarding having kids and a wife (I'd be dubious as to whether or not he's separated or divorced), and the fact that his reaction to your questions about his cheating was to take ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my ex that he gave me an STI without freaking him out or sounding like I'm blaming him?
Q. I found out today that I have an STI. It's common and treatable and hopefully not a huge deal, but I'm still pretty mortified. I had negative test results before I got together with my ex, and I also had a negative test about 6 weeks after we ...
A. 26 April 2014: Daisy's message is perfect, and she's better than me, because I'd have the urge to add "By the way, I hope you've matured from cheating on girlfriends, because the next STI may be a lot more serious. Hugs and smiles! XOXOXOXO"
Heh. I'm kidding,... (read in full...)
I hate the fact that I am with someone that carried on an affair with a married man in the past, and I actually know this guy!
Q. Recently I found out that my girlfriend has (in the past) dated and slept with a married man. I happen to know him too. We're not close, but we've hung out before. I had no idea they had that type of situation in the past, and even though it is in ...
A. 23 April 2014: Wow, we'll start with the biggest item in your story:
She gets mad at you because one of your exes walked into the room? What bearing is it that you didn't have much money? Did you let your ex buy you a drink? We're missing information here...w... (read in full...)
Are women too independent for men these days or have they been so mucked around by men that they have lost interest?
Q. I was in a relationship for 20 years, it ended nearly 2 years ago. It seems woman these days are less wanting of a man in there lives, is this right or are my values a little dated. I like to spend time together watching movies and going out to all...
A. 23 April 2014: I don't know if the reasons can be painted by that broad of a brush, because it's a question about society in general, and this being a global site, there's the issue of culture and societal expectations based on race, nationality, and religion. I ... (read in full...)
My wife's turning into a slob
Q. Hi, My wife's tidying habits leave a lot to be desired. We've been married 10 yrs and previously I let it go to young kids and caring for her mum. But now her mum is no longer here and the kids are at school full time. Examples are finishing a ...
A. 22 April 2014: Yeah, she just lost her mom! I just lost my father, and she must be devastated! Not only that, but if she has kids ages 5 and 9, they can be whirlwinds of messiness. If I were you, I'd help her find someone to talk to to deal with the feelings of ... (read in full...)
Met a girl I like but am a virgin and want to tell her but don't want to seem pathetic or clueless.
Q. For various reasons (a mix of bad luck, bad timing and my own commitment issues) I've never have had a girlfriend. Sure I've been on dates but it's never gone anywhere because either I'm not interested or I struggle to pursue something I am ...
A. 22 April 2014: What?? Being a virgin isn't that bad! Many women would prefer it. I married a guy who was one, and trust me, he got really good! In my opinion, it's better than a guy who's a player/Lothario who uses women left and right.
... (read in full...)
A few guys on dating site have been insulting to me.
Q. I am currently on a dating site and I have talked to some of the guys on there and they are very nice and respectful. I like the compliments I get on my looks they tell me I am beautiful. I try to be honest about what I am looking for and they ...
A. 22 April 2014: The guy is a bottom-feeding sewer rat. You did the right thing by not stooping to his level and jumping into the sewer with him. He is not worth the energy you'd expend to return his worthless insult. He's not worth the energy used to speed up ... (read in full...)
Would it bother you to learn that your bf/gf had smoked weed in the past?
Q. Hi Everyone! Quick question here: When I was dating my ex-bf I told him that I had smoked weed with some friends a few times before we started dating (I was 21 at the time and had smoked a total of 7 times in my life) and he FREAKED out, and sa...
A. 22 April 2014: Anon male reader - before you carte blanche attack my post for being "idiotic", I've been in the fundamental religious circles - you either mention "drugs" or "fornication" among young adults or teens, and the reaction to it is like the plague. ... (read in full...)
What sexuality am I?
Q. Okay this isn't a major problem but I just wondered. I have always wondered about my sexuality, and when I was 15 I was pretty sure I was bisexual, but since then its kinda changed as I presumed that was just...
A. 22 April 2014: Don't worry about your label! Your sexuality ground is fertile! You may not fall into the spectrum of one label or the other. Just concentrate on what you know about yourself! You have attraction towards guys and towards the sexual imagery of ... (read in full...)
Would it bother you to learn that your bf/gf had smoked weed in the past?
Q. Hi Everyone! Quick question here: When I was dating my ex-bf I told him that I had smoked weed with some friends a few times before we started dating (I was 21 at the time and had smoked a total of 7 times in my life) and he FREAKED out, and sa...
A. 22 April 2014: Was the guy ultra-religious?? Are you ultra-religious? This would be a normal reaction in a sheltered Fundamentalist environment.
I would find it a dealbreaker to date a current pot smoker, but that is primarily because I don't date smokers ... (read in full...)
I've been seeing him for 2 weeks, what are his intentions?
Q. I've been seeing a guy for only 2 weeks and I'm unsure as to what his intentions are. Basically ever since the very 1st day he has bee super into me, always texting, always ringing, multiple times a day, and always 1st thing in the morning and last ...
A. 22 April 2014: This is a huge red flag! "He lets me pay for most things" is really not a good way to start a relationship that's 2 weeks, that and the really intense way of moving too fast wordwise, the "someone like you can be interested in..." nonsense.
I hav... (read in full...)
His brother died recently but hes angry at me all of a sudden
Q. Hi guys and gals! Hopefully theres someone out there who can help give me an insight into a problem I have. I started dating a guy about 2 months ago and it started off brilliantly. He initiated contact with me and we communicated for a few days, ...
A. 21 April 2014: I have to agree with Cerberus, though I'll put it more gently:
He is in no place to have a relationship. When you came along, you were like alcohol or Valium or whatever people use to salve their pain. You can't get drawn into caring for him ... (read in full...)
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