A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Been married a month, living together 6 months and dating 3 years prior to that. Fabulous sex life until now. It's like as soon as we were married he wasn't interested. There are no worries now except for his job but they're the same worries as before, nothing new. Is this common for men? I've talked to him and he says he loves me and its not me but what else could it be? I'm worried he thinks he's made a mistake or something by marrying me. This is very odd behavior for him. What do I do? I told him if he needed space I could give it to him but he said no. I've tried seducing him and we get half way and he seems tired and half into it, so we stop. He's not sleeping and is constantly saying he's tired. Help Agony Aunts and Uncles!!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 mr brown wolf makes sense to me
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Permit me to be blunt…Well, I don’t know any other way…sorry. But your man is not sleeping and that could be helped with a good shag…there, I said it.Before you got married…it was a hunting game…men are always hunting for sex. But it’s how we get it that makes the world of difference. When you were dating, all the right things were being said so he can move closer to getting some. You may have held out for a while just to make sure he was the one, or that he did not think you were easy. What does a man do? He ups his game, his charm, his spending, everything with the hope of one thing…yes.Now comes marriage…no longer has to chase, no need to hunt, it’s there if and when he feels like it, or wants it. You have change too. Things you might have done back in the day to get his attention, you no longer do…why? You got your man. This is where most marriages run into problems, when you stop working to get or keep your man. A relationship is a job…if you don’t work at your job, what happens? And it goes for both of you.Forget you are married, and go back to the cat and mouse games you use to play to win him over. I always say…the best wife is the one who knows how to be the best mistress in the bedroom. And the best husband is the boyfriend of that mistress.They call marriage the ball and chain, that’s because people stop having fun like they did before they got married…and your relationship just gets weighted down. What’s the real difference between dating and marriage? A Ring. So why do we change?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2014): I will take it for granted that you are both in the age-group, between 51-59. If he seems tired, he may need to see his doctor for a complete physical. His testosterone level started dropping around the age of 35, so age catches up with us.
Men don't always tell you what's on his mind. The more you ask, the deeper he'll bury it. I suppose the realization that the relationship is totally monogamous at this point could be sinking in as well.
I know most women will assume it's an affair or suspect something bad. If he has been your partner this long, keep it light and trust him. Rule out health issues first.
He may need a little help; but his ego isn't going to let him admit to you his sex drive isn't what it used to be.
There is also the possibility that up to now; your sex-life has been very active, and has plateaued. He has gotten used to it.
I hate saying this, but men do get slightly bored with sex when it's routine or predictable. I hope we don't fill your head with a lot of stuff that will cause you anxiety; when it may not be a serious as you think.
Be honest and mature enough to suggest that you are concerned that maybe he isn't as enthusiastic about sex as before. If he needs to talk about it you're willing to listen without judgement. You're married now, and he shouldn't hold back things that cause you to worry.
If he is on certain medications or recently began a new medication, it may be a side-effect. Consider it a health concern before jumping to any other conclusions. Get him to a doctor.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 April 2014):
 Something's happened. If you've been married for a month, and the past three years up until this point have been great, then something pivotal has happened. These could be the possibilities:
1. Health. If he is the same age you are, he may be dealing with stamina/performance issues, or even health issues in general. Medication sometimes has libido/performance side effects, particularly blood pressure medicine and anti-depressants. The whole halfway into it may speak to that issue.
2. Stress. Something's happened he's distracted by outside of your marriage/relationship. Is he the type of guy who talks to you about everything, or is he the type of guy who holds it in? Worry and anxiety is a huge libido crusher.
3. Marital conflict. Being married is different to being unmarried. Did the two of you live together for years before you married? If the answer is yes, then it's less likely to be this, but if the answer is no, and you lived in your own houses independently beforehand, he may be experiencing the ripple effect of the change of lifestyle. There will be other symptoms if that's the case - distance all around and maybe a bit of irritation. If you've had any arguments or something to which resentment could fester from it, a particularly vicious row would do it, he could still be chewing on it as well.
What you mustn't do is jump straight to "he's having second thoughts" and furthermore asking him that constantly. Never assume that he has no stress or worries apart from the usual, because not sleeping is a really big indicator of worry. He could be dealing with a layoff scare or a threat to his livelihood he doesn't want to burden you with.
Like Honeypie says - you can't guess or personalize it and develop an elaborate story as to why you THINK there's a change. Wait another couple of weeks without talking to him about it. Be cheerful and calm to him and watch and observe him. Be a comfort without insisting on making him want sex. In other words, take the pressure off of him and see how he responds. If the distance remains, then sit down and present the facts like you would present symptoms to a doctor. Say to him that you're worried about him, because he's not sleeping, his usual great lovemaking skills have given way to fatigue, and any other FACTUAL symptom you have observed.
Then sit back and let him talk. Ask him why he has changed, and was he aware that he has. Then DON'T TALK. Don't SAY "Is it because...". Answer him with open-ended questions only. If he says "Nothing's wrong", then ask him, "Why would things change in the bedroom?" If he says "I don't know", which are blocking questions, then ask him "What will it take to restore our love life to pre-marriage?". If it's something about you, give him an opportunity to say something without jumping to it. Ask him "What thoughts are you thinking that you don't want to say to me?". Tell him that if there are worries, that talking them out with you will provide relief to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 April 2014):
 SIT him down and talk. You can't GUESS what's up with him. YOU will HAVE to talk to him and get him to open up.
Tell him you miss the sex, tell him you MISS the guy he WAS before you married.
TALK.
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