My husband's performance anixiety is making me feel bad. What can I do??
Q. My sex life with my husband is lacking. We are newly-weds, but we only make love once every few weeks if that...when we do, it is nearly always a disaster. My husband only climaxes about 25 per cent of the time...usually after about five minutes ...
A. 11 July 2006: It sounds like you two have been doing everything right, and that you have shown a lot of support and understanding. In other words, I'm not sure how much further the two of you can get by yourselves.
You mentioned he didn't want to talk to a the... (read in full...)
Foreskin and erection question...
Q. Are you meant to pull your foreskin back when you have a hard-on?...
A. 10 July 2006: Do what you like. If you like it, do it, if you don't, then don't do it.
Generally when having sex your foreskin will end up getting pulled back at least some of the time. It should be stretchy enough that it can be pulled back without any diff... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid for sending her panties away to be tested for "stains"?
Q. my wife has been working overtime and claims to get comp time but she uses her vacation time. she is working overtime again (she really is) said it was going to be time and a half not showing on check. in january she recieved a phone call letting ...
A. 10 July 2006: OK. That is a lot more evidence. However, the lengths you have gone to 'test' her are extreme, and not the solution.
I can only suggest going to a therapist / councillor together to try to resolve your differences. It would be a tragedy to ruin ... (read in full...)
My dressing up just wasn't good enough for him!
Q. The other night, I wanted to dress up for my partner in sexy lingerie but he said that it wasn't spontaneous enough and that I should have been wearing the underwear beneath my clothes when we out for a social evening. The thing is, stockings and ...
A. 9 July 2006: Poor you. He just acted like an ungrateful fool. You went to all the trouble of doing that and he complained about it! I hope this kind of behaviour from him was a one off. The behaviour he just showed is certainly NOT ACCEPTABLE. There are a lot of ... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid for sending her panties away to be tested for "stains"?
Q. my wife has been working overtime and claims to get comp time but she uses her vacation time. she is working overtime again (she really is) said it was going to be time and a half not showing on check. in january she recieved a phone call letting ...
A. 9 July 2006: Either you are correct, or you have something called 'delusional jealousy' (also known as 'Othello syndrom', or 'morbid jealousy'). Google those terms for more information.
In delusional jealousy the effected person sees evidence for and becomes ... (read in full...)
Not sure what to do about my partner's ex!
Q. Am i being unreasonable? My partner of two years,insists, he still needs to keep a strong connection with his estranged wife. I am confident he no longer loves her, but he is all for a quiet life. She is very demanding, and i sometimes think, h...
A. 7 July 2006: Whilst they are going through a divorce it is necessary for him to try to stay on good terms with her. If not, she can make his life very difficult through her (evil) lawyers.
However, once the divorce is final, he is no longer under any obligati... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is being elusive!
Q. Today is friday and i haven't seen my b/f since saturday. We usually see each other thursday-saturday and sometimes another day. We live about 45 minutes apart. Well he didn't mention anything on wednesday even though he knew i got out early fr...
A. 7 July 2006: It sounds like he had a rough day.
Did you consider going over to his place? That way you could have seen him as soon as he got off work, whilst he showered and ate at his place. Or is the expectation that he will always come over to yours? O... (read in full...)
What are your thoughts on our baby?
Q. Hello, I need some thought and expert opinions. I have a baby girl and she will be turning 2 in October, and she says some words here and there and recognises the different words and sounds and actions, so the norm for a two year old. My curre...
A. 7 July 2006: I live in Amsterdam with many ex-pat friends with kids. Generally they all speak their native language at home, whilst their kids speak dutch at school. All of the kids are fluent bi-lingual in their native languages and Dutch. Some of these ... (read in full...)
My wife revealed her real past and I'm finding it difficult
Q. My wife of 9 years has recently got back in touch with an ex-boyfriend. She admitted a few weeks later to having been on a date with him, but insists nothing happened. However, she felt she could talk to him about everything, and that she was fed up ...
A. 7 July 2006: You need to be careful. These situation can spiral out of control and completely destroy an otherwise sound relationship. If it starts eating into your trust and treatment of her many problems can arise.
Pete has given some good advice on the issu... (read in full...)
We both display passive/aggressive behaviour - how can we help each other?
Q. Growing up I have been told that I am a passive aggressive individual. After dating my boyfriend for almost two years, I have realized that he displays the same behavior. How is it possible to help myself as well as him so we can avoid current and ...
A. 7 July 2006: Be careful with the 'passive aggressive' label. It tends to be overused and misunderstood. There are lots of other words you can use to describe similar behaviour that are not as loaded... stubborn, obstructive, procrastinator, difficult, ... (read in full...)
My worrisome boyfriend!
Q. ive recently been finding trusting my boyfriend really hard, because his always txn and flirting with other girls. Its making us argue more and i dont know how to deal with my insecurity. can anyone suggest any ideas ...
A. 7 July 2006: Dump him?
Really. You owe it to yourself to be with someone who shows you respect. Staying in a relationship where you are not respected is bad for you on many levels. The only way you will get respect is to insist on it, which means not tolerati... (read in full...)
My BF asks me to get on my knees and beg him to be gentle before sex!
Q. I have been having sex with my boyfriend for the past 3 months or so, but recently, before sex, he has been asking me to get down on my knees and beg him to be gentle (as that turns him on)...what does this mean? Why does he like me doing that??...
A. 7 July 2006: This shouldn't necessarily be seen as a man abusing / taking advantage of a woman scenario. Frequently it's men that like to be dominated by women. The classic picture of the powerful man (in public) liking to be whipped by his girl in private is ... (read in full...)
My old feelings for a chat buddy are creeping back and threatening my great relationship!
Q. Hiya, I've been with my boyfriend a few weeks now, and things are going great. He's perfect, he gets on well with my friends and can make me smile. Before Him, I never really had a boyfriend, but over MSN I used to frequently talk to this other bo...
A. 7 July 2006: Stay with your boyfriend. Stop seeing A.
Why is A seeing you more now? Is it because you have a boyfriend now? What does that mean? Once you have left your boyfriend because of A will A just turn around and do what he did before... not go out with... (read in full...)
Friends-with-benefits with a guy from school -- but I want less sex and more respect!
Q. Hi, just wondering if you had any suggestions on how to gain respect from a guy? Quite lengthy, but please take the time to answer. The thing is, last year me and this hot guy got together one time because he thought I was nice looking. I had k...
A. 7 July 2006: Sorry, but this guy is taking you for a ride. He is using you.
He is pushing you into sex. He is guilt tripping you when you don't give it to him. He's not showing you respect.
He is not your friend. Friends don't use each other. Friends s... (read in full...)
My BF asks me to get on my knees and beg him to be gentle before sex!
Q. I have been having sex with my boyfriend for the past 3 months or so, but recently, before sex, he has been asking me to get down on my knees and beg him to be gentle (as that turns him on)...what does this mean? Why does he like me doing that??...
A. 7 July 2006: He likes you doing that because it turns him on. It sounds like there is an element of dominance / submission involved: with him the dominant one.
Firstly don't freak out about it. The popular image of leather gimp suits and dungeons is only one... (read in full...)
Can't stop thinking of sex with my boyfriend's best mate!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for about 2year and i have always got on well with his mates but all of a sudden ive found myself fancying his best friend and thinking about him all the time he's always been a good mate and we get on really well we ...
A. 7 July 2006: You've answered your own question...
"... why do I feel like this?"
Because...
"He is more mature and always the one I go to if I need to talk... he has more patience and I feel like he cares more... he gives me more attention"
You h... (read in full...)
I married her out of laziness, now she's pregnant and I worship someone else!
Q. In 1998 a girl invaded my life. Through neglect or simple laziness, I went out with her without complaining, even though she grated with me. She idolised me. Five years on and the relationship was still there, again through my laziness to tell her ...
A. 7 July 2006: Any woman reading this will likely be mortified beyond belief. Yet probably most men will be thinking "well that's bad, but I can see how it could happen".
You deserve your predicament frankly. If you leave now, not only will your wife suffer, ... (read in full...)
Is 110 sexual partners too many?
Q. I want some advice, mainly from the women out there. I would like to know what you all think is an acceptable number of sexual partners for a man in his late 20's to have been with. My boyfriend is fantastic but I can't seem to get past the fact ...
A. 6 July 2006: "How can I get past this?"
For each of us there is a different answer. You need to find out why it bothers you. And I mean 'really' why it bothers you, not some superficial argument or moral statement. I was in your situation, it took me seeing a... (read in full...)
Too self-conscious to get a pro to give me a wax, and not ready to shave it again!
Q. Hey I'm 16 and I'm really really worried and scared. I'm a wax virgin in all areas and my boyfriend and I have decided that our next step is "oral" but I'm so scared because "down there" is really bad. I don't want to put him off but I'm really ...
A. 6 July 2006: Its terrible that a 16 year old girl is she should be completely waxed before having oral sex! I'm sorry, but it is too much! The idea that you would 'turn him off' by not doing it is ... painful!
Waxing can HURT LIKE CRAP. Well, so my girlfrie... (read in full...)
Discovered a photo of another man in my marital bed..! What next?
Q. Since discovering a few months ago that the likelihood of me fathering a child was very slim, my wife of 5 years has lost any interest in me. I have now recently disovered a photo on her phone of another man in my bed. I don't want to lose her but ...
A. 6 July 2006: Ask her about it. Don't accuse or attack, just ask her "I saw a photo of a man in our bed on your phone. Can you tell me about it?".
You two need to have a serious open talk with each other. Say everything that needs to be said. Only by the two ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a bisexual woman who is dating another woman at the same time as me!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a straight guy who recently started dating a bisexual girl who already has a girlfriend of 6 months. Both her and her girlfriend are ok with each other dating other men, just not dating other women. I really like this girl, bu...
A. 6 July 2006: You are in uncharted territory. And an unusual situation.
When she says 'its perfectly fine for someone to date two people at the same time as long as they are of the opposite sex', what she really is saying is 'I think that its perfectly fine...'... (read in full...)
My husband just left me-he says I am holding him back but I found a suspicious e-mail. I don't know what to do...
Q. My huband is navy. He comes out in two years. He has just walked out on me just an hour ago. He says that i am holding him back and he wants more out of life. He says he is worried sick about the future. but i found a ripped up email he had sen...
A. 6 July 2006: That is horrible. You must feel awful.
The guy is your husband. He needs to at least give you the truth if he's going to do something like that to you. That he 'wants more out of life' is his issue, not your issue. Being with you has nothing ... (read in full...)
First I said yes I would, now I don't want to
Q. Hia, Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just over 2 weeks. He's much more experianced than me (He's 15, and I'm 13). The other day he asked me if I would give him a hand job (wank him off), and I said yes. He's coming over my house on Tuesd...
A. 6 July 2006: He is your boyfriend.
The number one duty of a boyfriend is to be REALLY NICE to you. That is more important than getting hand-jobs! That means that if you don't want sex (and a hand job is a form of sex), he should respect you and what you want... (read in full...)
Hairdressing tips wanted for down there!
Q. I have a new bf and before him, i had never even been kissed!! i'm not planning o go too far with him yet as we haven't been together hat long but i have a problem that isnt gonna stop bugging me until i ask! As stupid as it sounds, i want to know ...
A. 5 July 2006: Just neat and tidy is good. For some that means 'au naturel', for others (the naturally hairy among us) a small trim doesn't hurt.
I wouldn't worry about trying to live up to some porn-induced fashion. That's a dangerous road to go down, in many ... (read in full...)
He has been with his mates for 2 days and now I am worried
Q. Ok! I need some advice, I may e being paranoid but could do with some help! My fella has jst gone off on his holidays with his mates. Ibiza for 2 weeks. We had an emotional goodbye and everything seemed ok. I spoke with him before he got on the ...
A. 5 July 2006: Not much you can do if you can't get through to him. It could be a network issue. Do you have either of his mates' numbers? Or could you get hold of them? That might be a way to go... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about my girl going away to "have fun"... How can I deal with this?
Q. Hi there, My girlfriend is going on holiday in a week or so with her best friend, to a lively place for 2 weeks. It was booked before we started seeing each other, and we've been on our own holiday together a few weeks ago. She's never given me a...
A. 5 July 2006: What Dr Pete said... "Don't get paranoid".
Be careful. You are at the top of a slippery slope. Paranoia can feed on itself over time and leave you reading her email and text messages when she's not looking, freaking out over any male friends ... (read in full...)
How can you find out if someone is divorced or not ?
Q. Does anyone know of a good free website which enables you to check past marriage documents/divorce records of someone? I just want to check that my ex is divorced like he says he is. ...
A. 5 July 2006: No not really.
Let me give you an example:
I got married in the UK to an American, moved to the US, moved to the Netherlands, and got divorced there using a lawyer based in Guam.
Net result:
- UK still thinks I'm married
- Americans (sh... (read in full...)
Could this make me pregnant?
Q. if a boy touched his penis which could of had sperm on it and then he put his hands down a girl's pants can she get pregnant?...
A. 4 July 2006: YES. It is possible. Unlikely but certainly possible.
If you are in any doubt run out and get one of those home pregnancy test kits immediately. They are very accurate and you'll know within minutes.... (read in full...)
Fallen in love with a boy who has a girlfriend (who is my enemy)!
Q. hey,I am 16 years old and i have fallen in love with this boy in my class who has a girlfriend who give sme dirty looks and is pratically my enemy now, everyone hates her, she is so insercure wen he is around me. the thing is he keeps on talking to ...
A. 4 July 2006: If he's prepared to treat his current girlfriend like that, what does that say about him?
Do you want to be treated the same way? Why would he treat you any different? If he thought you were more special than her he'd have left her for you a lo... (read in full...)
We're getting married... I snooped a look at her phone and found she's been texting a man! Now I'm in a pickle..
Q. i secretly looked at my girlfriends phone , and saw that she was texting and calling another man . i cant confront her because she ll know i looked on her phone , its cutting me up as we are planning on getting married ...
A. 4 July 2006: You are planning on getting married. You need to be able to be open with each other. This is a good opportunity to work on this:
- Tell her you looked at her phone. Tell her WHY you looked. This means you need to know why you looked. Why did you?... (read in full...)
Should I go for it with my cousin?
Q. I’m not sure but I have a funny feeling that my female cousin, if the situation was right, would let me have sex with her. Some time ago over her house she shows me a tattoo that was on her ass. Then when over at her house while asleep on the sofa...
A. 4 July 2006: sex with cousins is taboo in most cultures. The reason being any child born has a greatly increased chance of genetic problems (disease, mutation, defect, etc).
in other words: BAD IDEA... (read in full...)
Is this how it's meant to be?
Q. Simply- my foreskin is attached to the head of my penis, is this normal?...
A. 4 July 2006: It should look something like this...
WARNING - link not suitable for work or school...
http://www.forplu.com/Community/guys-like-us/foreskin.htm
You should be able to pull it back past the head of your penis (the 'glans'). If you can't d... (read in full...)
Why did he "test" me with an email from his ex, and how can we get back to the way we were?
Q. I need as much advice as possible on this one guys, so if you have the time, I'd be very appreciative! Ok, I'm 23...my ex is 41 with 4 children from 3 different mothers. When we were together I found an email from his ex, which was left on the ...
A. 4 July 2006: I don't buy the 'test' explanation. It makes no sense. What is he actually testing? Putting something horrible in front of you to see if you freak out? Thats not called 'testing', it's called 'being an asshole'.
Handle with extreme caution ... (read in full...)
Am I obsessed, or just in love?
Q. Hi, I'm 15 and been dating a chick for 5 months now. We went to the movies about 4 nights ago and the shirt I was wearing smells like her and I won't wash it. I keep smelling it cause it reminds me of her. Is this bad? Please help. I asked her abou...
A. 4 July 2006: I read an interesting article in National Geographic about love. They were interviewing scientists about the chemical nature of love. They said that love and obsession (from obsessive compulsive disorder) are almost identical chemically. That love ... (read in full...)
Should I be suspicious that his phone is now on "vibrate" not "ring ring"... What's he hidin'?
Q. Is it weird that i have noticed my b/f of a year keeping his phone on vibrate when it is usually always on ringer. My best friend said i really shouldnt be so concerned because of that but i feel like if he is doing that he is trying to hide calls ...
A. 4 July 2006: Remember there could be lots of explanations for this. Your boyfriend could just be randomly trying out vibrate mode only, or he could have someone calling him a lot that he doesn't want calling him. He might just think its a cool thing to do for ... (read in full...)
I think I need to lose my virginity!
Q. Hi I am 14 years old and I feel Im getting to that age where I think I should lose my virginty. I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but I really wanna not be a virgin anymore. Any advice? StIlLaViRgInNY...
A. 4 July 2006: I hope this is a joke question. But if not...
My advice is: think about why you feel you should lose your virginity. It's a strange thing to feel you ought to lose it but to not have a boyfriend. Do you think you know why that is?
You should ce... (read in full...)
How do I reassure how I'm not out looking for other girls??
Q. I went out with a friend tonight and my girlfriend who is out of town visiting her cousin is mad that i went out to bars. Of course, it didn't help that I didn't tell her I was going out tonight, but i did try to call her all day without getting a ...
A. 4 July 2006: That's a shame. Yes people will use anything as an excuse sometimes so they don't have to look like the guilty party. ... (read in full...)
I don't know about my online lover!
Q. I met the man I'm seeing on a dating website. We see each other 2-3 times a week and the relationship has turned physical. He says he wants a relationship but then I find he still logs onto the site we met on. He says he doesnt when I spoke to him. ...
A. 3 July 2006: Can I ask a question. How do you know he was logged on unless you also logged on? And if you did, why did you?... (read in full...)
How do you get pregnant?
Q. is there other ways of getting pregnant other than sex?...
A. 3 July 2006: No easy ways.
One is artificial insemination, involving lots of doctors and test tubes.
Another is 'divine conception'. As described in the Bible. Also Zeus (the ruler of all the Gods) would often visit earth taking a different form, to seduce ... (read in full...)
How do I reassure how I'm not out looking for other girls??
Q. I went out with a friend tonight and my girlfriend who is out of town visiting her cousin is mad that i went out to bars. Of course, it didn't help that I didn't tell her I was going out tonight, but i did try to call her all day without getting a ...
A. 3 July 2006: She needs to understand that you can and will go out with friends without her sometimes. That is normal, healthy, necessary even. If you don't do things apart from each other eventually you will suffocate each other.
However, you can make this eas... (read in full...)
My married guy has made me wait 5 months, and he promised to leave his wife in 3!
Q. Will he leave her for me? For the first time in seven years I have met someone I really love. Only thing is he is married. The woman he is married to is 10 years older than him She is 51 and he is 41 and I am 29 years old. I have only been da...
A. 3 July 2006: Leave him. If he then leaves his wife for you then that at least shows his intentions.
Read DrPsych's advice... will you really be able to trust him? Trust is much harder than it seems... (read in full...)
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