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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been having sex with my boyfriend for the past 3 months or so, but recently, before sex, he has been asking me to get down on my knees and beg him to be gentle (as that turns him on)...what does this mean? Why does he like me doing that?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): If, like the others are saying, he is otherwise a good and kind person who respects you, an you are happy and comfortable with it, then don't worry. I personally find that I like my b/f to hold onto my hair when he takes me from behind, not in a rough way, but firmly..(It was my idea for him to do this, btw), also he likes to give my bottom an occasional playful slap - though not a hard one! -he is always asking if I'm, ok and checking to see that I am enjoying whatever he is doing to me and I know he would stop if I wasn't. So there it is, you have to make up your own mind..have fun!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): honestly, it's just a kinky little fantasy of submission.
he doesn't have any malicious intent. he either wants to pretend he's with a virgin, or pretend that his "member" is too big for women to handle. If it makes you uncomfortable, the ask him to stop, if not then just go with it! but it is cute and unique.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2006): It's said that some guys get turned on knowing that they're sleeping with a virgin? Could this be involved in one of his fantasies?! Maybe you 'begging him to be gentle' is something he would expect a first timer to be like....? just a thought...?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2006): Why have you been doing it for him when you don't even know why he wants you to do it, that seems a bit odd to me.
Next time the subject comes up, ask him why...
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (7 July 2006):
 This shouldn't necessarily be seen as a man abusing / taking advantage of a woman scenario. Frequently it's men that like to be dominated by women. The classic picture of the powerful man (in public) liking to be whipped by his girl in private is more common than many would think.
It also works the other way. Sometimes the person initiating the situation is submissive, and likes to be dominated. Then their partner has to decide whether they want to be dominant. And sometimes both people like both, and to switch roles.
My experience has been that my girlfriend likes to be submissive, and I decided I would try to be dominant to satisfy her (I'd never really thought about it before). To my suprise it's been very good, kept within certain limits, we are quite tame by general standards. It's certainly nothing like I thought it would be. It can create a degree of intimacy that is very positive and healthy (and a million miles from the 'amoral' label that some would give).
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2006): A lot of people can tell you , that your bf's dominant role sexually, is an insult to your womanhood and it's degrading. We know your bf get's turned on by your subordination and his male dominance just in the sexual sense, hun. It doesn't mean he's cruel, violent and controlling. However you know him best and if he's kind and caring to you otherwise, this merely sounds like 'sex play'. As long as you agree with this-you are not being hurt, physically-he treats you with equality and respect outside of the bedroom, I wouldn't be overly concerned. However, remember a balanced relationship is about giving to each other. I would make sure that if you have erotic sex play fantasies, he should comply with you, as well. Have fun and explore new, exciting ways to love each other. On the other hand, if this type of sex play bothers you, then you should tell him that. You are a free thinking, independent person and you have the right to set boundries and let your feelings known, in a relationship. Good luck, dear.
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female
reader, Little_Laura +, writes (7 July 2006):
 i get the impression that you aren't so much uncomfortable with this as confused by it. As Yos said, he just gets turned on by being the dominant one. I personally would get turned on if my bf was on his kness begging me to be gentle (extra turned on if he cried!!). Maybe you dont get turned on by being the submissive one. You cold try it the other way around. Just go up to him and be like "come here, you", this might not turn him on so much but if it makes you happy he'll want to do it. As long as you're in a trusting relationship, there's no harm in trying something new.
xxxx
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (7 July 2006):
He likes you doing that because it turns him on. It sounds like there is an element of dominance / submission involved: with him the dominant one.
Firstly don't freak out about it. The popular image of leather gimp suits and dungeons is only one form of bdsm. Generally it's just about introducing some kind of power relationship into sex. It can be very mild and without-props.
You have to decide also whether you might be submissive. Might you like it? Might it turn you on? Given that one of the most common fantasies for women involves non-consent (fantasy only!!), it's hardly surprising that some women like it. Being submissive can be an incredible release for some people, since your actions are being dictated by another person, you know that you are giving them exactly what they want. It takes away the worry that you are not doing it right somehow. That can take away much of the insecurity and fear within sex, leaving someone much more open and uninhibited.
If you want to find out more, this is a very good article on it:
http://www.sub-dom.com/d-s-article.htm
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female
reader, Angel Wings +, writes (7 July 2006):
 You are in moral danger ~ I suggest you drop this sleeze before he places your life in danger any further.
Nobody should have to be forced to adhere to his demamnds, if he is like that now imagine what your future would be like with him ~ you won't have a future, move on - now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): Maybe he has sadomasichist (sp?) fantacies. It sounds like a power thing - he thinks he's too powerful a lover for you ?? and by begging for his gentleness, you're the submissive partner.
If you aren't ok with this, you need to talk to him, otherwise he won't get the picture. Don't let it keep happening if you're uncomfortable.
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