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female
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anonymous
writes: Is it weird that i have noticed my b/f of a year keeping his phone on vibrate when it is usually always on ringer. My best friend said i really shouldnt be so concerned because of that but i feel like if he is doing that he is trying to hide calls coming in or something. I said something to him and he basically just said what do i care and what does it matter what mode it is on. What should i think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): This is one the who posted the question---well he works in the heat and so since it is summer he sometimes wants to take a shower when getting home so that could be a sign or that he simply just wants to take a shower. I find it so hard how a girl can listen to that though--i am with my g/f--dont call me, i will call you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2006): Hi there.Firstly is he answering the calls. If not, just ask him why he doesn't answer his calls right away and see if his excuse is quick and plausible will little hesitation. Secondly and very importantly, does he ever answer the phone and then leave the room to take the call? If he does then I think you should be worried.If this turns to be ok then relax, unless you start to see the warning signs highlighted by Yos+. I've just been cheated on and they are all true.Hope you are just over reacting. Try not to worry too much as life is too short to stress unneccessarily.Good luck
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Think? It depends! What do you think he's up to?? It'd surely be on silent if he was "hiding" anything, which I doubt. If that is the only thing that is making you suspicious, then if you're not careful your paranoia may drive him away to do the exact thing you're suspicious of. If this is another thing in a long list, then you need to look more closely.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Remember there could be lots of explanations for this. Your boyfriend could just be randomly trying out vibrate mode only, or he could have someone calling him a lot that he doesn't want calling him. He might just think its a cool thing to do for some reason.
It could also be your paranoia. Bear in mind that if he is having an affair, then he'd probably tell her not to call him often if he is with you... meaning there would be no need for him to turn his ring-tone off in the first place.
But... if you feel something is wrong then you should trust your intuition. Keep your eyes open. If he is being unfaithful in some way you'll know, it's almost impossible for someone to hide their emotions in such a situation. Don't hound him or spy on him though, you owe him the benefit of the doubt until clearly proved otherwise. You'll 'feel' more signs soon enough if he is doing wrong.
Some warning signs:
- The biggest sign: the feeling of emotional energy missing, being redirected somewhere else
- Different behaviour during sex, including wanting a lot more or a lot less, or doing different things
- Sending a lot of text messages whilst trying to hide them as much as possible. Text messages are very easy to send without being noticed
- Taking a lot of showers, especially when he gets home
- Increased attention to his physical appearance
- Not picking up when called a lot more than before
These things are almost inevitable. In my past (and something I'm very ashamed of) I was unfaithful to a girlfriend. Despite knowing all of those behaviours I just listed would be clues, I ended up doing them anyway. You can't really avoid it.
Best of luck, I hope it's just because he heard on MySpace somewhere that ringtones are uncool
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