A
male
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anonymous
writes:I went out with a friend tonight and my girlfriend who is out of town visiting her cousin is mad that i went out to bars. Of course, it didn't help that I didn't tell her I was going out tonight, but i did try to call her all day without getting a hold of her. Basically when she heard i was out with my friend(male) she told me to go home then and there and that it's over if I didn't, calling me stupid because I'm normally not a drinker and only had one drink earlier in the night and said I shouldnt be out drinking knowing i'd have to drive and even though I only had one beer she thinks i cant drive a couple of hours later. I wasn't even drunk at all tonight, just a little buzzed at first, but that wore off. though she did say it would have been ok if i was at his house drinking.. I guess she thinks I'm out looking for girls while she's out of town. How do I reassure her i am not?
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 Awww well hun least you can get on out and enjoy yourself without having to worry that you will be told off!! In my experience, the one that shouts about someone cheating is normally that one that is!! They accuse you when its in fact them!! take it easy, there will be someone lovely worthy of you down the road.
Take care x
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 July 2006):
 That's a shame. Yes people will use anything as an excuse sometimes so they don't have to look like the guilty party.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*Update* It's over or atleast that is what she is saying now. she is not listening to anything I say about it and just keeps repeating that I am the one who messed up the relationship. I think she wants out without being blamed for it. This is of course after I found an open box of condoms in her purse and an empty condom wrapper(same kind) in a spot we normally goto. But that is an assumption on my part, though it does make the conclusion possible. But i don't know with all the things I've put up with from her, I think this is the best for me.
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (3 July 2006):
She needs to understand that you can and will go out with friends without her sometimes. That is normal, healthy, necessary even. If you don't do things apart from each other eventually you will suffocate each other.
However, you can make this easier for her. The simplest way is to send her lots of text messages when you are out saying where you are, who you are with, and especially that you love her and are thinking of her. It's a pain, but it can save a lot more pain.
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A
female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 Sweet pea, and i mean that! You eally do sound sweet, just the fact that you told her where you were and what you were doing is reason enough for her to believe you!
Not many men will come clean or even attempt to letting there GF now where they are ( escpecially since it was a bar that you went to) if they had other motives! tell her you love her and that there is no one else but her in heart and you know women are very soft when it comes to flowers so surprise her with flowers! make her feel loved and make her feel like she is the only one you have eyes for!
Women need love and attention so give her what she wants and she will give you what you want!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): It sounds like you need to reassure her of many things. She sounds like me - afraid that when the person she cares about is drinking in a social situation, anything could happen. She's clearly been hurt in the past - by a boyfriend, by a cheating partner, or even by a family member with an alcohol problem (it's not really that far-fetched). How do you reassure her that you're not? You just tell her. You can't "convince" her. You can't *make* her believe that when you go out, you're not looking for other girls.All you can do is tell her that she's the only one for you. That you went out with your friend and spent a good part of the night talking about how much you like *her*, to him. Inivite her out with you and your friends to the bar and don't shy away from her. Trust issues are hard to overcome. Even if you've done nothing wrong, patience is still the key. If you care about her, take the time to help her with this.
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