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female
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anonymous
writes: The other night, I wanted to dress up for my partner in sexy lingerie but he said that it wasn't spontaneous enough and that I should have been wearing the underwear beneath my clothes when we out for a social evening. The thing is, stockings and suspenders can show through many items clothing unless the clothes are full. I didn't think there was anything wrong with waiting until we went home and then me changing into something sexy. As a result, I felt really unsexy! Of course I will try to accommodate him in the future by wearing lingerie beneath my clothes but what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): I know the feeling - I once noticed how turned on my EX was when he saw an actress on tv with red lipstick on her nipples...Thus inspired, one night I put on stockings and suspenders, and black lace underwear, and painted my nipples gold for my(EX) husband and he just looked up from his newspaper and fell about laughing!! - You will notice - I said - EX husband!!! He still has his newspaper in bed to keep him company tho...
A
male
reader, blacklorre +, writes (10 July 2006):
That was very nice of you for your boyfriend-my wife was the opposite she would wear the sexy stuff out for the evening but when we got home she would not let me touch her until she changed. Her reason-looking gorgeous is what prostitutes do! and boyfriend must like the girl-not the clothes! If she did what you did I would have been extremely grateful because its for ME and NOT for other boys! But I did get used to accepting my wife as she is and found it nice that she bothered to dress up at all.
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reader, Rainee  +, writes (9 July 2006):
 Just to point out, spontaneous is doing something spur of the moment - putting it on before dinner /planning/ on doing something isn't spontaneous at all! If your bf is going to be an ungratful prat, he should at least get his complaints right. He's complaining that something you did special for him wasn't special enough. Do not 'accomodate' his wishes in the future, or you will always be trying to do so, because he gives not a wit for your feelings. My dear, why not drop him for someone who thinks just being with you is special?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): Once again, an excellent answer from Yos. I agree with everything he has said. I'll try not to repeat what Yos said but I do have some thoughts to share. Dear, your partner behaved like a cad and what he said to you was clearly very unthinking and hurtful. I would let him know that. It sounds like you give more in this relationship than he's capable of giving back. I am wondering if this 'incident' is just one of many? If it is, what is his behaviours telling you and maybe you should think how sad it is, to have your life and future compromised in this way with a man who could even think to say such a thing to you. If this was a one-time boneheaded error in judgement on his part, I strongly suggest you tell him it is not to happen again. Relationships are a equal, balanced two way street. It's all about 'total, unconditional givingness' for the two people involved. Relationships are similar to a game of tennis. Everytime you lob some love and cherishment in your partner's court, they should be willing to lob the it back to you. Remember, there should equal generosity in the relationship. Never ever be afraid to ask for what you want, in a love relationship, hun. If this comes down to the fact that you aren't feeling appreciated-then perhaps you need to re-assess if this guy is right for you. If this was a one-time thing, I suggest you 'nip his uncaring behaviour in the bud'....today. Good luck, hun and be strong.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 July 2006):
 Poor you. He just acted like an ungrateful fool. You went to all the trouble of doing that and he complained about it! I hope this kind of behaviour from him was a one off. The behaviour he just showed is certainly NOT ACCEPTABLE. There are a lot of words I'd like to call him right now that I won't, but they are not at all flattering. Rude and stupid... not a good combination.
He owes you an apology.
Do not 'try to accomodate him in the future' if he's acting like this. Compromise is important, but it is essential that you resect yourself and demand commensurate behaviour from your partner in a relationship. You have to let yourself be taken advantage of or pushed around. It's up to you to set the boundaries of what is and what isn't acceptable behaviour in your relationships.
If he tries that again, next time suggest that there are plenty of other men out there that would no doubt love to see you in sexy lingerie, if he's not interested. Remind him of his place: his job is to make you feel sexy, happy, loved, and good about yourself. If he's not doing that then he's not doing his job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): Explain to him that you tried to please him, ask him why it wasn't good enough for him and explain to him how you felt when he told you what you should have wore, explain to him that you tried to suprise him and you felt put down when he made his comment, tell him you felt unsexy.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 July 2006):
 Good grief...most men would be glad that you were willing to indulge them with a bit of 'dress up'. Sorry if it sounds a bit harsh but your man sounds as much fun as a wet weekend! Tell him to be grateful for your offerings...or find a man who will worship at your feet for such attempts to liven things up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): Aww - what a turn off for your boyfriend to say this, no wonder you felt unsexy. You try and do something for him and it's not good enough eh?
I don't think your boyfriend is being very practical and perhaps he has been a bit inconsiderate.
If you want to get home first, and quickly change in to the lingerie then do it - I don't think there is any thing wrong with you wanting to wait until you get home first.
I hope you get an apology from him and that you can try again in the near future without having this incident spoil the future sexy times.
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