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female
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*ewel
writes: Will he leave her for me?For the first time in seven years I have met someone I really love. Only thing is he is married. The woman he is married to is 10 years older than himShe is 51 and he is 41 and I am 29 years old. I have only been dating him for 5 months and from the day I started dating him he told me he needed just 3 months to clear up finances before he leaves her. He bought a house with this woman but they have no children togather. He is also trying to make me pregnant. I feel like 5 months is enough and I cannot take it anymore.He is a really good guy and I love him but I don't know how much time I should give me. Please help me !Jewel Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): First of all you should be ashamed of yourself for dating a married man. You are a home wrecker and deserve what you get. This happened to my sister he lied about everything , she waited and waited he kept saying 3 months then 5 then for sure by Christmas. He told her that his wife and him were over that they don't even sleep together. She finally grew tried of waiting and went to his house and met his wife. The wife didn't know anything about any problems between them. His wife said they were totally happy and was extemely shocked to hear he was cheating on her for 5 years with my Sister. No good ever comes of it his wife divorced the a hole and then my sister didn't want him either. Good for him he got what he deserved the big liar and cheat. Just giving you a heads up bail out now before you really get hurt. Oh yeah this guy wanted a baby with my Sister also, imagine what would have happened she would be having a baby and the jerk had no intention of leaving his wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): tut tut never mind ok. so he has made a promise doesn't mean he will keep it and it sounds to me thathe is only trying to make you happy and keep you sweet. I somehow do not think this guy is going to leave his wife for you men always say that they will leave their wives but they never do because they do not have the bottle and besides which saying and doing are two different things if he was goiung to leave his wife for you he would done so without saying you see babe actions speak louder than words. Any way babe be carefuk that his wife doen't find out because you are playing with fire.
Take care
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A
male
reader, Withnail700  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 I think this is a very dangerous situation. If he really was the guy you say he is, he would have left her the moment he realized he loved you. If he really loved you he could not bare to be sharing a bed with another, even his wife. If I were him, I would be dying of guilt. I think you sound too good for him. He doesn't sound like a very moral and decent human being - just very cruel and uncaring. If I were you I would sit down and try to work out if you really think this guy is worthy of you? And is he going to treat you the same way he has treated his wife? If it's over between he and his wife, why has he not had the decency to tell her? At 51 life is not getting any longer for her, and the prospect of having to start over again so late in life because of someone else's selfishness is just so wrong. It may be a good time to re-evaluate your opinion of him.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 Leave him. If he then leaves his wife for you then that at least shows his intentions.
Read DrPsych's advice... will you really be able to trust him? Trust is much harder than it seems
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): Dont be a mug. A married man will use all the lines in the book to keep his bit on the side happy "My wife doesnt understand me", "I will leave her when the time is convenient" etc etc. This man is a creep and should be shown the door. If he really wanted to leave his wife to set up a happy family home with you, he would do. Nothing would stop him. The fact is he doesnt. He may as well get some from a young woman who is obviously only to happy to give it out to him whilst keeping his wife at home who probably cooks and cares for him. He is having the best of both worlds, why make it so easy for him!!! You should get some respect for yourself and another human being (his wife) and end things now.You deserve to be with a single, honest man - everyone does. If he is cheating on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with some other woman who is willing. He obviously cannot be trusted. Certainly not the right basis to bring a child into the world.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 You are just another sucker, there's one born every minute so you don't need to keep that population growing by reproducing. Show some class, grow up, keep a nickel between your knees, and get a real life. That's my advice take or leave it.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 July 2006):
 1. If he leaves his wife for you then you could never be happy in this relationship. If he cheated on her with you, what stops him cheating on you with another woman?
2. Maybe he isn't trying to get you pregnant, but maybe you hope that by getting pregnant you can trap him as you can offer him a baby that he cannot have with his wife, and an 'obligation' to stay in the relationship. The problem is that the guy has no principles because he is cheating on his wife - he won't care about the baby, and even if he does it means you keep him around for the wrong reasons i.e. the baby and not you.
3. You say he is a 'good guy'...he isn't. He has cheated on his wife and her age really doesn't matter. He has lied to you about leaving her when clearly he won't do that...he has a wife + Mistress and is being selfish.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): Poor youBut for heavens sake poor wife, how cruel you both are.I agree with both answers, if he will do this to his current wife he will do it to you. You haven't got yourself a lovely man at all you've got yourself a man who lies to women and cheats on them. He's a louse, and by staying his secret lover you are becoming a louse too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): It is rare that a man will leave his wife for another woman. And it is silly of you to be with a married man in the first place. Do you think he will be faithful to you? "He bought a house with this woman" you say that woman is his WIFE. She has feelings just like you. He is playing both of you. Don,t waste anymore of your time with him and please move on and find someone single and free to commit to you and only you.
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (3 July 2006):
 He's having his cake and eating it! His got the wife he goes home to every night and you for the sex when he feels like it. If he was really going to leave her, he would have done. Thing is if there are no kids, what is keeping him there ? If they have a house together then that will get sorted out in the event a divorce etc... so what is it that hes sorting out ? Whys it taking so long ? You need to be upfront and tell him that your not prepared to hang around for non event. He probably has no intention of leaving her but cant tell you that as you will run a mile. he just wants a bit of fun, probably a bit of sex on the side that hes not getting at home. I wouldnt waste any more time on him, and when you say hes trying to get your pregnant ? Why is that then ? Are you sure he is trying to get your pregnant and hasnt just told you that to keep you around ? seems odd to me that he would be trying to get you pregnant and hes not even left the wife!? Whats the crack there ? Is it so that once you are pregnant he can keep you and still stay married to the wife as then you will feel you need to stay in his life ? Man hes not good!! Even if he did leave the wife, whats to say hes not going to do the same to you ? hes not being straight with either of you. I cant see it working but if you want to give it a shot you gotta tell him his times up or your moving on out... if he comes up with some BS tell him straight your not hanging around, why put your life in hold for him ?? Get out there and find someone that isnt attached and life a little.. there are still plenty of men that are single or unattatched at least, find one that has the right intentions.. this guy clearly hasnt.
take care x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): It seems like, first of all, though this may seem like love, if he is willing to do this to a woman he once loved ( his wife) what is to stop him from doing that to you when a hotter younger girl comes by, he may deny that now, but im sure he denied that to his wife on his wedding day. You can find someone better though it may not seem like it.
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