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My boyfriend is being elusive!

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 July 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 7 July 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Today is friday and i haven't seen my b/f since saturday. We usually see each other thursday-saturday and sometimes another day. We live about 45 minutes apart.

Well he didn't mention anything on wednesday even though he knew i got out early from work and my parents went away and i'm all alone at my house--not meaning oh he can come over to you know but more like..lets do something and keep me company.

Thursday he did not say anything as well. He was still at work at about 7:15--saying he was working OT and by the time he gets out, it will be about 8pm--i text message him--should i make other plans--and he said i thought it was obvious that it would be too late..the earliest i can leave to get you is 9:30(by the time gets home and stuff)---in my eyes--if he hasnt seen me in a week--he should want to see me no matter what time it was. He said he did not shower since yesterday, didnt eat, and worked 12 hours...i realize that but i still feel that a b/f should see his g/f--he could quickly shower, eat, and be with me for 2 hours for a later dinner or something.

I just feel he should be more eager to see me---he called me at 9 but my brother was over so i said i will call you back. I call him at 11:30---no answer--i call at 12:30 and no answer--he calls me at about 2:30 am--i am usually up late anyway-and i got to thinking---was he cheating? did he go out? he said he fell asleep probably at 11 and that he did his laundry..and he said his phone was downstairs charging..its weird to me how he fell asleep 30 minutes before i happen to call and usually he does hear the phone even if it is downstairs charging...Should i be worried he met up with some girl or does it sound like he just had a rough day and didnt want to do anything?

View related questions: at work, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2006):

Hun, sometimes dramatic behaviour changes like this can mean there is someone else or.....perhaps he just needs space. Whatever is going on with him, you cannot do anything about it. I recommend you give him some space and time to sort out whatever he is going through. Whatever you do..don't allow this to erode your self worthiness and cause self-doubts in yourself. SOmetimes when two people see a lot of each other-sometimes a little space is needed. Remember, relationships are darn hard work and can overwhelm some people. Keep a mature, confident outlook...because how you behave will tell him a lot about you and how you handle yourself through challenges, in the future. Do not demand, accuse or confront. You have nothing to say he is seeing anyone else. Be nice, stay positive and just tell him you are available to listen if he needs to talk and phone up some girlfriends-get out and have some fun with them. Whatever he is going through but he will have to make the next move, and stick to that. Hopefully after a little time apart-- he will miss you and want to see you more regularily, as before.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (7 July 2006):

Yos agony auntIt sounds like he had a rough day.

Did you consider going over to his place? That way you could have seen him as soon as he got off work, whilst he showered and ate at his place. Or is the expectation that he will always come over to yours? Or you could have picked up a nice take-out and brought it over to coincide with him getting home.

He may also be having a hard time with something. You might want to try gently quizzing him to see if he's ok or if he has any work or other personal problems. Don't push too hard or he'll feel he's being interrogated however.

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