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female
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*eadmess
writes: I met the man I'm seeing on a dating website. We see each other 2-3 times a week and the relationship has turned physical. He says he wants a relationship but then I find he still logs onto the site we met on. He says he doesnt when I spoke to him. But ive seen him logged on via my old dating account.what do I do now my head is totally screwed up. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caramel +, writes (4 July 2006):
That's the risk you run with internet dating. You logged onto your old account - I guess he could say the same of you. You have to really exercise a LOT of trust in this type of relationship. Why not discuss this with him - let him know you're not comfortable with his still visiting the site (sometimes the logging on is pure force of habit...the net can be addictive you know!), and come to some agreement. Perhaps swap passwords so you can both be kept in the loop of what the other is doing. If your relationship is not quite at that level, then you just have to accept that medium as his right (same way you wouldn't place restrictions on him going to a bar!
Just my thoughts.
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 Hi, I have friends who, like me, have had this problem.. one of my friends has challenged her guy about it and he said that dating online was like a "sweetie shop - you go in for a packet of humbugs..and WOW!! all these sweeties!!!"
So it's just one of the hazards of dating in this way. Personally, I used to log on firstly to answer any messages I'd been left (out of curiosity); and secondly - like my friend - to see if my man had!! And, yes, he had!.. but once he was sure that I wasn't doing it anymore, he cancelled his subscription and left the site, and declared his commitment to me.
I never challenged him about this as he could have just as easily challenged me for the same reason. I think you have to keep your options open until you feel that you have become 'an item', and, as long as you aren't seeing anyone it does no harm to e-mail others and let them know the situation. But I think the fact that he lied to you about it shows he has a guilty conscience, and I would definitely keep my eyes open for other signs of infidelity. You definitely have to be more careful with this kind of dating, as people are not always all they are cracked up to be. It is all too easy to lie about oneself when people can't see your reactions, and body language. Also they have plenty of time to make up a good answer to an awkward question!! Good luck - I hope this goes some way to answer your question.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): Perhaps this is purelly innocent in the fact that he is doing the same as you checking to see if you still login? why dont you close your account and tell him you done this cause you are happy with him and see if he closes his account with the site.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 Can I ask a question. How do you know he was logged on unless you also logged on? And if you did, why did you?
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