A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfield is about to have my baby and is trying to stop me from having contact see is back with her ex of 4 years and is getting married next year see says she will put his name down as the father and he has agreed although he knows he is not the father as my mother told him she broke my heart when she went back to him what do i do i what to see my child, my my parnets would love to see they granchild she left me i still love her and would have her back, this my be my parents only granchild as my sister has had 4 miscarriges already it break her heart thats this has happen to our family can anly tell me if i have any hope of seeing my child and my name going on birth certificate
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 November 2007):
 I know our laws in the states and yours are fairly similar. I'm in law as well, and am going into family law as a profession.
First, check on-line in your area to see if they have what is known as a paternity registry. Our country now has one and it puts a block on actions taking place with a child without notification to the person who claims to be the father.
Talk to a solicitor there and let them know when the baby is born, you want to contest paternity. Keep a list of what she has told you and others you know about this incident. When you contest that's saying the person who's claiming to be the father may not have the right to make that claim, and a paternity test should be ordered to establish the true biological father.
You, as the child's father have rights, and I think you are a great guy stepping up to your parental responsibility. Working with families as long as I have I've seen the affect that comes out with this type of malicious behavior. So many times when the child finds the truth, if it was the parent they live with that caused the problems, they generally resent that parent for making a choice for them that affected their life and not allowing them to make that choice themselves.
Because she's getting married, does not transfer your rights to the new guy. You still and will always have your rights. Go seek legal help and get the forms files right away. Take care, and enjoy your time with your child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): Hi,what a though spot! The law should be on your side, try to get a lawyer as soon as possible. And about what´s best for the child... he would have two daddies and one mommy, I don´t think that´s bad!
good luck
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 November 2007):
 I'd have to say, as a father, that nobody would take away my rights as a dad. I don't agree that you have to do what's best for the child. That is a little too altruistic and easier said than done. That doesn't sound as it should but what I mean is that you are important too. What is best for the child is for the mother to be fair. Maybe she should give up the child to you if she is so concerned about who is on the birth certificate. Is what she's about to do not fraud? I would think so. It's certainly not true. Also, who is she to begin this child's life with a huge lie? Men get stuck in bad situations all the time. They are financially liable but often left with limited access to their children. If you plan to be a good parent, fight for your rights.
Don't give her an inch, she'll take a mile. I'm basing my answer on the assumption you're fit to be a father. Even if you weren't, I don't know who's decision that is to make.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): I would go an have a chat with a solicitor and see if you can stop his name going on the birth certificate. If you truly are the father, then you need to get that sorted. I dont know to what lengths she can go to when stopping you seeing your child. Have you had a good chat with her? She could be talking through her bf. I cannot imagine another bloke wanting to be put on someone else's childs birth certificate, but we are all different. I hope it works out for you.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2007): Hi Hunny,
Right you get some advise from the citizans advise and you have the right to get a paternity test done to proove you are the father, When the child is born... Get an advocate pronto to see how you can stop any name going on the birth certificate untill you have the proof you need. You can over here if you dont earn enough get legal aid, You seem to be very resposible and want to be in your childs life get all the help you can hun, The tests can cost £600 or more but as you say its very important to you and your family, so good luck I hope you get all the help you need and you win your battle to be a great father let us know how you get on love take care with love MANDY xxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (10 November 2007):
 To correct a typo, I meant...
"1. HER ex's husband goes on the birth certificate."
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A
male
reader, Yos +, writes (10 November 2007):
What a difficult situation! You have my sympathy, you must be in a lot of pain over this. Having said that, you may not like what I'm about to say.
There is only one important question you need to answer here: "What is best for the child"?
Picture these two situations:
1. Your ex's husband goes on the birth certificate. The child grows up in a home with a mother and a father.
2. Your name goes on the birth certificate. The child grows up in a home with a mother and a step-father, plus a 'real father' that seems them from time to time.
Which is best for the child?
Things get complicated when you start adding hypothetical situations ('what if they separate later', 'what if they have another child and the father loves that one more' etc), but those are all hypothetical, you don't know any of them will happen.
If you truly love the child then you'll do what is best for them. As a father, that is your first duty.
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