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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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I fell in love with my soulmate but it's a friend of my wife...
Q. Hello, Let me just come right out and say it, I fell in love with one of my wife's friends. Yes, I'm sure I will get bashed here but it wasn't something I planned on doing. I have known this person for 7 YEARS and always found myself with her even ...
A. 12 March 2009: Kids are actually fairly resillient, they will be ok with this in time. If the situation at home with your wife is that bad, this will actually be worse for your kids than if you left.
You will always be dad to your kids, and they will love you... (read in full...)
We met online, he says he wants to have sex and then marry me in 3 years, do I believe him?
Q. me and this guy met on orkut (Social networking and discussion site )and we have been knowin each other by communicating by phone since last year..havent seen each other bfore.. he says he likes me and i also like him..he says he love me 60% but as f...
A. 20 February 2009: It sounds to me if he has said he wants to have sex first then that is all he is after I'm afraid. The first time you meet should be special and you should just spend some time getting to know each other face to face before you jump into bed!
... (read in full...)
Should I wish my ex a happy birthday?
Q. I have a slight dilemma. My girlfriend broke up with me after 5 years of an amazing relationship to see what else is out there.. This is an update to my previous posts. She started seeing someone after 1 week who randomly added her on facebook and ...
A. 20 February 2009: I dont think you should contact her at all, never mind wish her happy birthday. She is playing games with you by telling you she still loves you then going out with another guy! All you are is a backup plan just in case she doesnt find anyone better ... (read in full...)
I want to be with her but she is scared of getting hurt!
Q. I just started being in this relationship and im so into her and would love to be with her. The only problem is shes scared of being hurt and i can promise you this i wouldnt hurt her shes so amazing. And i know she likes me and would like to get ...
A. 20 February 2009: I think you just need to be patient with this girl and give her some space. She must have had some bad experiences with men in the past so even if you keep telling her you wont hurt her, she will find it hard to believe.
If you give her the time... (read in full...)
Advice on cheating?
Q. Okay, a little complicated. There is this girl who I became really close with about 2 years ago and we thought about dating but decided it would never work and just over time became best friends. Completely platonic. About 7 months ago I star...
A. 19 February 2009: Dont tell her, there is absolutely no point if there is nothing between you and the girl you kissed. It would only be you offloading your guilt onto someone else, and it would lead to all sorts of problems. There is no need to hurt your girlfriend ... (read in full...)
I am confused, does he still want me?
Q. Ok so I am so very confused. I thought things were over with a guy, I had texted him saying "I guess your over me, thanks for letting me know. see you around" after I hadn't heard from him in over a week then he responded "I'm sorry, you're so fun. ...
A. 19 February 2009: You havent mentioned why things ended between you or how long you were together for but you have to remember that it did end and there must have been a reason.
The two of you are confusing each other; you are sending him passive-... (read in full...)
I love him but he loves someone else...
Q. My name is kareena. I love this guy. his name is shahid. He is my cousin. He is 16 and I'm 14. I love him loadsss but he luvs this other girl. Her name is amrita. I just hate it when ever shahid talks about her. Me and shahid used to be very very ...
A. 19 February 2009: You cannot make him hate this girl nor can you make him love you again!
I'm not sure how relationships work in your culture but I do know that while it is legal to marry your cousin in the UK, there has been some scientific evidence that having c... (read in full...)
How can I stop getting so angry at him when I'm out drinking with friends?
Q. I have a problem that's really starting to get to me. I'm 19 years old and been with my boyfriend (22) for 7 months now. We have a great relationship, very caring, loving, trusting etc, however our only problem is when I go out drinking... If I'm...
A. 18 February 2009: I think the simple answer is to take him with you as much as you can and drink less! I am the same as you, I always tend to send silly messages when drunk and cause problems with boyfriend even when they are there. But it has got less as I have got ... (read in full...)
I went away to university and with the distance I start feeling confused about my feelings for my boyfriend since 5 years, what should I do?
Q. Dear Reader, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly five years now. But im 19 and just started university and things have suddenly taken a turn for the worse. I feel like I live a seperate life here and I really like the indepedence and freedom ...
A. 18 February 2009: This is a really tough situation and you have to make this decision entirely on your own.
I was in a similar situation when I first went to uni, I had a lovely boyfriend and we were so in love. But then I got to uni and loved the freedom of livin... (read in full...)
Do you think she is in pain or has she just moved on?
Q. Hi Guys My ex just broke up with me 2.5 months ago, she said i hurt her because we had a few arguments and i yelled a couple of times but not enough to warrant a break up, then after a few days of not talking we spoke and she had decided she want...
A. 17 February 2009: To be honest I have no idea what is going on in her head here! She claims you "hurt" her and from what you have said you didnt really do anything wrong apart from get a bit lazy! She cant claim you hurt her when you had a typical relationship ... (read in full...)
How do I make him wrapped around my finger?
Q. okay I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years... everything was great and we were very happy He always showed he loved me and said nice things to make me feel good. but these past few months he has been showing that he doesnt care, he has ...
A. 17 February 2009: This is an unhealthy way to want to be in a relationship - wanting someone wrapped around your finger is not the right way to go about things! A relationship should be based on mutual trust and respect, not one person running around after the ... (read in full...)
I cannot see why my b/f needs to stay over at his son's house?
Q. I met my b/f 2007. He was in a relationship. We eventualy broke up as i could not take the pain. He bacame single Nov last year and we started to see each other. He has moved in. He is now waiting for his house to become available so he can share ...
A. 17 February 2009: If I'm honest I cannot see why you think this is a problem? It is his son, and his son needs him. It should not matter whether or not you have met the son before, this man's responsibility is to his children not you I'm afraid so you need to be more ... (read in full...)
Could the 3-shot hard liquor I drank affect my pregnancy?
Q. I have a 30-day cycle..My last menstrual period starts on january 11, 2009. I had a contact with my husband on the 22nd, 24th and 26th of january 2009. Now I'm pregnant. My question is, is there any bad effect to my baby's development the 3-shot ...
A. 17 February 2009: It was very early in the stages of the baby's development and if I have got my dates right it could even have been before you conceived, so I very much doubt that you could have done any harm to your baby.
Just make sure you dont drink any alco... (read in full...)
My current girlfriend just wants to be friends now...
Q. I was in a long distance relationship with my gf for almost 3 years. After I had met my current for the first time, my ex wrote me and told me she still loved me and wanted to be with me. I had never had closure with her, and told her that I didn't ...
A. 17 February 2009: I think the problem is that you told your ex you will always love her like no-one else, and then your girlfriend saw it. Imagine how you would feel if you found out your girlfriend had said that to her ex? I bet you would have been really hurt and ... (read in full...)
How do you purge "successfully"?
Q. How do you purge successfully? I have tried and nothing seems to work, I am desperate to lose weight quickly....
A. 16 February 2009: Please please dont try to purge, if you dont end up killing yourself through Bullimia then you will do irreversible damage.
I hope nobody on here tells you how to do it - it is unhealthy and you need to find professional help to deal with your iss... (read in full...)
I fell in love with my soulmate but it's a friend of my wife...
Q. Hello, Let me just come right out and say it, I fell in love with one of my wife's friends. Yes, I'm sure I will get bashed here but it wasn't something I planned on doing. I have known this person for 7 YEARS and always found myself with her even ...
A. 16 February 2009: From the way you talk about your relationship with your wife it sounds like it is already over? And by calling the other woman your girlfriend it sounds to me like you are already committed to her and not your wife, so I dont really see the problem ... (read in full...)
Online dating!
Q. Has anyone had any good outcomes from online dating? I started online dating in September 2008 and met someone in November, it didn't work out and shes put me off for life :(. She was very insecure and has major ex boyfriend issues, I didn't find ...
A. 16 February 2009: My experience has been pretty bad like yours has, where I met a guy through an online dating site. We met up and fell for each other pretty quick and moved in together after 6 months.
Everything was going well until he totally changed on me; goin... (read in full...)
I freeze up when it comes to sex at the age of 22, please advise!
Q. Advise Please, Ok here it goes, im 22 and sadly still a virgin, not a bad looking guy but when it comes to getting in bed with a girl, i just freeze up....down there if you know what i mean :( ... I dont know if its lack of confidence or what so ...
A. 16 February 2009: There could be a variety of reasons why you are having trouble with this. But you need to stop worrying - I think this might be playing a huge part! Stress will not help and I imagine if this has happened a couple of times then every time you get ... (read in full...)
I feel so slutty! Please help me!
Q. Hi I really need help :/, I'm only fifteen and I can usually get boys with ease but everytime I go see a boy, This may sound werid but I always get really horny and want sex with them and straight after it I always seriosul...
A. 16 February 2009: Your not a slut dont worry, you are just young and you are finding out about sex. It is only natural to enjoy sex and some people have stronger urges than others.
If you really want to wait for these next two months (which isnt long at all - it... (read in full...)
End of a long relationship! I'm only 15! Help!
Q. Hi, I really need help. My ex boyfriend left me after a 1 year and 4 month relationship and I cannot cope at all... Throughout our relationship he always said these things exactly: "I promise that I love you and only you" "I promise that W...
A. 16 February 2009: I can understand right now how much you are hurting, I remember when my first relationship ended and I spend a whole week laid on the sofa not moving and not eating!
When your first real relationship ends with your first love there is no pain lik... (read in full...)
Ahhh!! Out damn spots, out I say!
Q. for many years i have had spots not really bad ones just ones that are always there also my whole face if just covered in black heads what is the best thing to do to get rid of them? and what makes spots worse?...
A. 16 February 2009: There is a great tablet out there that can be prescribed by doctors, I think it is called oxytetracillin. As long as you are not on the pill then you will be able to take this and believe me, it helps so much with spots and blackheads!
I used to ... (read in full...)
I still feel pregnant!
Q. ok I just got off the birth control shot and I'm purposly trying to get pregnant again I was pose to get anotha shot feb.5th....never went and had sex that day and let my boyfriend bust in me....thats not the only time since then that he did ...
A. 16 February 2009: Well the birth control shot works by making your body think it is pregnant - hence it does not release an egg therefore you cannot get pregnant whilst you are taking it. Most doctors say that it can take 6 months, maybe longer to get pregnant once ... (read in full...)
Friend wants to go on a cruise, does it mean something more?
Q. I've known this girl I'm about to discuss since probably as far back as middle school. (I'm 24 now). We went to middle and high school together and were in a lot of the same classes, but we never really hung out after school during that time, maybe ...
A. 13 February 2009: Its hard to say as you dont really give much background here (did you used to date, do you want something more from this relationship etc). But in my opinion (being female!) I would never invite a man on holiday with me, especially one that is a ... (read in full...)
I just want a bit of excitement in my life! What do I do?
Q. I have been with my current girlfriend for 4 years. I still love her but the thrill I used to get from being with her faded some time ago and I really miss it. Recently, I've been noticing this really cute girl in my college (went back to college ...
A. 13 February 2009: If you ask this girl out then it is pretty much the end for your current relationship. I know that is a pretty rubbish thought but its true, you cannot date other girls whilst you have a girlfriend, its that simple.
So make your choice. Do you w... (read in full...)
I have a wonderful man waiting for me but I'm too scared to leave my abusive boyfriend!
Q. I'm stuck in an abusive relationship and I have a way out, but I never take it. I'm 23 and I've been with my boyfriend since I was 14 and we have a house together. For the past three years or so he has been mean and abusive. He shouts at me, hits me ...
A. 13 February 2009: You need to start by making a plan. You need to figure out exactly what to take with you (take what is yours but take as little as possible - you dont want to give him a reason to come and find you claiming you have something of his). You also need ... (read in full...)
How can I get pregnant?
Q. Me and my boyfriends have had sex three times. Those three times hes cummed in me, but nothing had happened. Wat should we do, i mean my girls tell me maybe is when i get up the sperm goes down. I just need advice am i ready to have a child ?...
A. 13 February 2009: Well if youre age is true (13-15) then you are still a child yourself so you wont be ready to have a child!
I hope I am taking this the right way that you are trying to get pregnant? Basically nothing will happen right away when you have sex, you... (read in full...)
Should we try again with some councelling or am I kidding myself that this would ever work?
Q. My husband and I seperated 6 months ago after I found out he had been having an affair for 3 years. He had stopped the affair but when he lost his business and the pressure of a new baby and my father dying he started it again to "escape". He has ...
A. 12 February 2009: Well if he has been having an affair for 3 years then there is some crossover with the age of your youngest child, this means he will have been with her when you were pregnant! That in itself is unforgivable!
Have you had an STI check? You real... (read in full...)
He said he'll change but will he really? SHOULD he really?
Q. Okay so here's the deal, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and it's online but we were pretty much inseperable. I know I love him but when I finally went to see him in person I realized some things. I realized what I really want in a ...
A. 12 February 2009: I think it says a lot that your feelings changed as soon as you met him in person. Having a relationship online is not a real relationship; all you can do is talk! There is a lot to be said for body language and just spending time in someone's ... (read in full...)
A husband who hopes it's not to late to save his marriage.
Q. I'm a 48 yrsr old, a year ago my wife found out that I was seeing a 28 year old co worker she took it bad and took an overdose it, was because of that I realised that she really did love me but I made it clear to her that I stayed with her not ...
A. 12 February 2009: To be honest here you have nothing to save. You have cheated on your wife a number of times and it seems like the only reason you have stopped cheating for the time being is because you were found out.
Your wife deserves better than this; she has ... (read in full...)
Body dysmorphia???
Q. Hey. I'm 21 years old, and since I was 17 I have been experiencing something that I thought was pretty normal. I know every woman has body worries, but I feel like mine are getting out of control. I'm a size 10 and weigh just under 9 stone-and I'm ...
A. 12 February 2009: It sounds like you definately have body dysmorphia and this is very serious, I think the best thing you can do is go to your doctor and ask to see a therapist.
You have made a huge step in realising that you have got this condition so well don... (read in full...)
Should I help him or leave him to deal with it?
Q. Should I feel smug about this - after me and my ex broke up he slept with another girl (he called it re-bound sex but he broke up with me) anyway I found out about this when I rang his phone and she picked it up and had the great pleasure of telling ...
A. 10 February 2009: You need to remember you broke up here! He shouldnt be relying on you to get you out of his mess, he hurt you and doesnt deserve to have you in his life!
I think you need to start moving on from your ex and the first step is to stop seeing h... (read in full...)
I'm dating my ex's friend but I still love my ex
Q. I started dating my ex almost 2 years ago now... we were together for about 10 months when due to issues outside of our control we split up mutually... there were no hard feelings and we remained friends. However shortly after that (about 1 month) m...
A. 10 February 2009: Well the first thing you need to do is leave your current girlfriend - it isnt fair to her that you dont have strong feelings for her anymore and the longer you leave it the more you will end up hurting her.
If you and your ex both want to give ... (read in full...)
Should I be hopeful in thinking that something might spark up in her again?
Q. My first love and I broke up two days ago.. It was probably the best breakup ever, both in bed, we cried, laughed, hugged, said jokes, etc. Very mutual and mellow. We were like two droplets of water completely identical to each other. We lasted 9 ...
A. 9 February 2009: When a girl says that to you, at her age (presumably she's the same age as you) it is code for "I want to be single again but want to have you as a backup plan in case I get bored/dont like being single."
She is taking you for a ride I'm afraid a... (read in full...)
Could this be a beginning?
Q. HEllo: I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years, my weight and self esteem were out of conrol, I have gotten myself finally feeling the best about myself since even before I met that parasitic monster... I had been encountering mar...
A. 9 February 2009: To be honest with you it is not a beginning. Even if it was a start, it is a terrtible relationship for you to get into and you should stay away.
read back what you wrote "he lives with the mother of his child" and "she is his soul mate" should b... (read in full...)
What I'm wondering is what are my chances of being pregnant?
Q. Basically last Saturday I slept with a guy. I really cannot remember anything of what happened but i do know we slept together 3 times that night. I have no clue also but i think it was definately unprotected sex, i do not really know the guy and so ...
A. 9 February 2009: Annieapple is right, you wont be able to tell if you are pregnant until your next period as it is too early to tell for the second guy.
With regards to the first guy, you had your period which means you cannot be pregnant from him. However ... (read in full...)
Sex for the 1st time and now wondering why period is late
Q. Hi, i am really stressing here! basically, i had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago and i was due to come on my period on thursday. ever since i can remember, i have never skipped or had irregular periods, they have always been every 28 days. i took ...
A. 8 February 2009: Well you have taken the pregnancy test and it is negative so you have nothing to worry about there. Hopefully you did use protection (if you didnt use a condom then you really should get an STD check and get to your doctors quickly).
Perio... (read in full...)
Need help on getting my partners trust back
Q. Hey. This is concerning my partner, who I love very much, we've been together for a year and 2 months. Basically, she went to a guys house a few weeks ago, didnt tell me, I found out and overreacted. Now she thinks I dont trust her, and I reall...
A. 8 February 2009: To be honest, you shouldnt be the one trying to make things up to her. You had every right to be uspet with her...she went round to a guys house without telling you! She's almost asking for you not to trust her and it is a typical young girl thing ... (read in full...)
Why has he become distant? Was he telling the truth while he was drunk?
Q. (i'm 16) basically i went out with this guy and broke up with him just under a month ago. It was a very difficult relationship and was extremely rocky towards the end (didnt end exactly well). Anyway his very close friend (who i got with just before ...
A. 6 February 2009: Well I'm not totally sure why you went out with this guy in the first place if you were in love with his friend who you dated?! It sounds like you have made a bit of a mess of this and really you should of never dated his friend in the first ... (read in full...)
My ex broke up and now wants to reconcile, but I have trouble accepting it all
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months now. For the first 12 months, everything was amazing. We got on so well, did so much together. I was the centre of her world and she was of mine. Before I carry on... I'm fully aware of the 'ho...
A. 6 February 2009: Have you asked her to give you some proper reasons why she eneded it and what made her stop having the same feelings for you?
It is not very fair for her to leave you suddenly, to start going out with someone she had no contact with for a year and... (read in full...)
How to dress for the wedding reception?
Q. ok this is a rather silly question but i have a problem. I have been invited to my boyfriends mums wedding reception and i have to go. BUT i have no idea what to wear or how to do my hair?im size ten with longish hair.Anyone got an idea?...
A. 6 February 2009: Well if it is just the reception you are going to (not the ceremony - if you are going to this part too then this is a whole different kettle of fish!) then think of it as what you would wear on a night out with friends. But keep it classy seen as ... (read in full...)
I've never had a boyfriend, and it's hurting my self-esteem. What should I do?
Q. I've never had a boyfriend and have been feeling down about myself lately. Everyone tells me that I need to learn to love myself first before anyone else can love me, I feel like I do love myself. All of my friends have significant others and I'm ...
A. 6 February 2009: I think you should stop listening to all these coupled up people! If you feel like you love yourself then that is great, and that is the first step.
the next step is to stop looking for and wanting a boyfriend! I know this sounds strange but I ho... (read in full...)
Your opinion on a young girl's sexual identification crisis?
Q. Hello strangers, I'm only 14 going on 15 but I'm having... 'anxieties' over what my sex life will be. I'm hetero sexual girl, and I beleive that love is love, no matter race, gender, age, or beleif, though I'm terrified of my self. Not just me ac...
A. 6 February 2009: You have made a huge step in telling your mum so well done! And it sounds like your mum is being supportive rather than getting angry so that is great news.
This process will take a long time so just be patient with it, you will get to where yo... (read in full...)
Your opinion on a young girl's sexual identification crisis?
Q. Hello strangers, I'm only 14 going on 15 but I'm having... 'anxieties' over what my sex life will be. I'm hetero sexual girl, and I beleive that love is love, no matter race, gender, age, or beleif, though I'm terrified of my self. Not just me ac...
A. 5 February 2009: I think you will get a mixed reaction from people in general, as some people are more understanding than others. While soceity is becoming more accepting than it used to, you will still come up against hatred and abuse. This is just something you ... (read in full...)
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