A
female
age
51-59,
*unflower66uk
writes:I met my b/f 2007. He was in a relationship. We eventualy broke up as i could not take the pain. He bacame single Nov last year and we started to see each other. He has moved in. He is now waiting for his house to become available so he can share parental responsibility for his to younger children.It has now been 3 months since he split with his ex g/f. I have met none of his family or friends apart from his youngest son who is under 2. He has met most of my family and friends.He does not want to rock the boat with his ex until she signs the paper work for the shared responsibilty of his daughter.This can not be done until he has moved into his place.(2 weeks away)We have travelled around where his ex lives and even been on a night out near his old home.Last night he asked if he could see his eldest son(25)one night this week and stay at his house.I have explained that its hard for me as i have never met his son.I have told him that he needs to do what he thinks is right. I can not see why he needs to stay the night. His son is having relationship problems and needs some time with his Dad.I understand this. If the shoe was on the other foot i would not feel the need to stay out and sleep over at my sons house.If i knew his family and friends i know i would feel differently.I have left it with him to do what he wants to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): I think reading between the lines you feel he is keeping some of his life secret and you maybe feel he is hiding you or hiding them.are you maybe doubting that he really is going to be staying the night or up to something.I think you dont trust him.You will have to give it time and be patient.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): I think it is a bit selfish of you to not understand why he wants to see his son. He is going through a lot of stress, and it might help him to relax to be around a guy. Having been through my boyfriend's split-up and court battle over custody, I can assure you that both of you have a rough road ahead; however, your relationship will not last if you cannot offer your support.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): As his son is 25, it's quite likely that they intend going out (or staying in) for a few bevvies and if that's the case, staying over rather than driving home tanked up is a very good idea. Why don't the two of you invite his son over for a meal one evening so that you can meet up?
A small word of advice here: Don't try to step in between a man and his kids - the kids will come out tops nine times out of ten.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 February 2009):
 If I'm honest I cannot see why you think this is a problem? It is his son, and his son needs him. It should not matter whether or not you have met the son before, this man's responsibility is to his children not you I'm afraid so you need to be more understanding if you want to maintain this relationship and not push this man away.
You mentioned that he has only been apart from his ex for 3 months - this is no time at all and he is quite right for not introducing you to all of his family. It is a horrible thing divorce and there is no need to make it any harder by introducing a new woman into the mess.
I think you need to accept here that you are not his main priority at the moment - the welfare and happiness of his children are. You should be happy that he has left his ex and is with you now - that should be enough for you. Be patient and wait for the paperwork to be completed - if you push your boyfriend into doing things before he is ready then you will only push him away and end up losing him.
I'm sorry this probably isnt what you want to hear but for once it is nice to hear of a father who is doing the right thing by his kids. If you are patient and supportive it will only improve your relationship. Instead right now you are causing issues and making him choose between his family and you - that is not fair on your boyfriend.
I hope you can take this on board and I wish you well in the future.
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