A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, a little complicated.There is this girl who I became really close with about 2 years ago and we thought about dating but decided it would never work and just over time became best friends. Completely platonic.About 7 months ago I started dating another girl and in that time have fallen madly in love with her. And we have both decided that cheating is never acceptable and that if we were to ever cheat, we would dump the cheater. My best friend is also in a relationship and is crazy over the guy.The other night me and my best friend were hanging out and just started talking, and some how old feelings came up and we just kissed for about 10 seconds. It wasn't planned, just happened. Can't describe it but I hope people who have been in this situation can understand.We talked about it, and both decided we felt no spark, connection or anything. In fact, it made us realize just how crazy we were over our significant others but we both agreed there was a certain spark with the person we were dating that was absent. It also removed that sense of "what if" that seemed to cloud our friendship. We've decided to keep it a secret and never talked about it.Now, should I tell my girlfriend this, who I see myself marrying, and risk her breaking up with me and kill the trust we built up? Or just never tell her so she doesn't get hurt?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): You only kissed for 10 seconds realised it wasn't and didn't feel right, you didn't have an affair or sex, in this case keep it to yourself it isn't even a small lie, no snogging ,groping ,nothing went on. I like your sentiments of telling the truth when you do wrong that is a decent sign in any person but yours is so small put it down to a small mistake and do as others do learn from mistakes, God only knows how you would feel if you really had of done anything more so that tells me you are a good and proper person
A
male
reader, gumbbo  +, writes (19 February 2009):
Also i hate it when people say you should tell her if its bugging you or on your mind, that is such a selfish way to be. So it's ok to tell her because that gets it off your mind, but to hell with her feelings and that she with be devastated! Put her first, keep your mouth shut!
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A
male
reader, gumbbo +, writes (19 February 2009):
No don't tell her. in fact it would be selfish to tell her - first off she will for give you as she prob loves you but will forever know what you did in the back of her mind and it will eat away, so telling her is just taking advantage of that as if she was going to dump you and never speak to you again you know you never say a word. Second it will really hurt her! Third she will never trust you again. And fourth if you know in yourself you felt nothing and it will never happen again, then what good can come of telling her? You had no feeling right? Why cause unnecessary damage over nothing? She will grow to resent it too. Just keep your mouth shut, trust me! And just forget the thing ever happened.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 February 2009):
 Dont tell her, there is absolutely no point if there is nothing between you and the girl you kissed. It would only be you offloading your guilt onto someone else, and it would lead to all sorts of problems. There is no need to hurt your girlfriend over this.
But one thing that troubles me - you said there was no spark between you and the friend you kissed. However you did say it made you realise there was a certain spark missing with the person you are dating. If there is a spark missing with your girlfriend, surely this is not the right person to get married to?
While there are many other aspects to a relationship, that spark is vital and without it you cannot expect your relationship to last. If that spark really is missing then you will end up going looking for it else where (even unintentionally, you may find yourself being drawn to someone you have that spark with).
I would think carefully about your relationship with your girlfriend - this kiss may be a warning sign of things to come (not necessairily with your friend but some time down the line there may be another woman). Make sure this girl is right for you in every way before you start talking about marriage and a future together, you dont want to cause any uncessesary hurt if you can avoid it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Annieapple +, writes (19 February 2009):
I don’t think you should tell her. Unfortunately it is human nature to cheat and no one’s perfect. Telling her would hurt her and ruin your relationship. You cheated so you should be the one to deal with the guilt. She shouldn’t have to suffer because of your mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): No, why would you tell her about this? Listen, ignorance is bliss. By being honest to your gf, you would hurt her and make her lose trust in you, which is absolutely one of the worst feelings in the world..being with someone whom you don't trust. She may not leave you for what you did, but the thought of you kissing your best friend alone would kill her, and you can expect her asking you to completely cut ties with your best friend.
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A
female
reader, flicka23  +, writes (19 February 2009):
 It's only a kiss and you both agreed that it had nothing special, no magic and no spark. I don't see it serious enough to tell your girlfriend, why complicate your life?
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A
male
reader, Tewebag +, writes (19 February 2009):
I think you should tell her since its bugging you. I told myself i would leave a girl if they cheated on me, she had sex with another guy not a little kiss, but i am still with her. Love makes you pretty stuipd. If she does ignore the fact that you kissed another girl dont think you can get away with more though. Promise her that it was a stupid mistake, you really do love her, and that it wont happen again.
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