A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in a long distance relationship with my gf for almost 3 years. After I had met my current for the first time, my ex wrote me and told me she still loved me and wanted to be with me. I had never had closure with her, and told her that I didn't know what was going to happen with my current, but I wanted to find out, and that a part of me would always love her like no one else. My current ended up reading this and was really hurt, but we stuck it out for a while. A couple of weeks ago she tells me that it's not working and she can't get over what I had told me ex... and that she wants to work on something but for now we need to work on just being best friends. She still tells me she loves me and we still talk like always, but the title's gone. I don't know how to act now. I wonder if she's just stringing me along or really does want to create the base of a friendship in order to work on being together again. What should I do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 I think the problem is that you told your ex you will always love her like no-one else, and then your girlfriend saw it. Imagine how you would feel if you found out your girlfriend had said that to her ex? I bet you would have been really hurt and thinking "Well whats the point in being together when she loves some other guy more than me?".
That will be how your ex is feeling - to her she is just a convenient option while you decide what you want to do about your ex. I dont think she's stringing you along at all, I actually think it is the other way around.
You have two options here:
1. Work on the friendship and hope it can help in rebuiliding your relationship. If you really love her and want this to work more than anything then this is the right option. But you have to cut out all contact with the ex, and if you dont speak to her all that often well then you need to write to her and explain you never want to hear from her again as you have moved on. If you cannot bring yourself to do this well you still have too many feelings for the ex then you must take option 2.
2. Finish things properly with your girlfriend and spend some time on your own thinking about what you really want. It is not fair to keep stringing your girlfriend along when you have feelings for someone else - you must end it properly with her and let her move on. The you need to take some time out on your own to get your head together and figure out what you really want - it could be your ex, it could be being single for a while, it could be looking for a new girl who has everything you want in a partner.
I hope this helps and you can do the right thing; you have to understand you have really hurt your girlfriend and it may take some time to rebuild what you had together (if that is what you want).
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Well, in my own opinion, it has to do with your Ex. You really can't have two girlfriends at once, you know.
Your current girlfriend, well, she views your Ex as a threat, and honestly, from the way you're talking, she is. Either you love your current girlfriend or you don't; there is no in-between. From what I've read, it sounds like you've stabbed her in a part of her heart in such a way that you have indeed ruined your relationship with this young woman.
If you truly loved her, you wouldn't have reconsidered a failed relationship. You most likely need to build up trust with your current girlfriend and steer clear of your Ex.
...Unless you want to have a relationship with your Ex. Then, if that is the case, kindly explain to your current girlfriend what has happened and try to let her go gently. It is obvious that you have already damaged her opinions of you. She doesn't seem to be leading you on or trying to hurt you. It seems to be the other way around. YOU seem to be leading HER on and hurting HER.
Well, that's my view of the whole thing.
I hope I didn't come off as harsh, but your post irked me to no end.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): If she still speaks to you like before without the title, then part of her still loves you and likes you and does not want to let you go, however she has removed the title because she wants to keep her options open incase "Someone better/closer comes along" since you and your ex might re-unite. I suggest disapearing from your long distance girls life and starting fresh, either with your ex or with someone new. Your LDR girl is just going to end up hurting you or moving on before you get a chance to regain the title. My guess would be that she is affraid or she is stringing you along, she cant have her cake and eat it to! If you remain freinds you will get hurt... best thing to do is talk to her and tell her exactly how you feel. Communication is the key my freind... goodluck on your journey!
Mike.
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